Wednesday, April 11, 2012

On Fucking Femmes

This is the 3rd girl I’ve fucked in the last few weeks of my recent sexual transformation. 5 years ago I would never have even seen this coming, this strong sexual attraction for femme women. But this is where I find myself these days and I’m having to learn how, in my present fully passing black masculine self, how to approach and talk to women about casual sex, how to fuck women and be pervy and kinky, how to top and dominate a woman in a way that makes her feel sexy, horny and trusting enough to give over control. This particular woman actually approached me and, in my oftentimes-clueless state, I didn’t know or understand she wanted me to invite her over to my place and fuck the hell out of her. Not when she stepped to me and asked for a kiss at our 1st hang out (see An Ode to Trans Guys.) Eventually she had to spell it out for me in our ensuing texts and, since then, I’ve jerked off many times thinking about her riding me wildly.

Well that 1st hang out was several weeks ago. We’d been trying to hook up since then, but she lives out of town, is in seriously committed non-monogamous deal and quite busy. The odds of us actually meeting up started to look really slim. Eventually the odds were in our favor (shameless Hunger Games-phile here) and she happened to be in town one week when I actually had money in the bank. I invited her over for a home-cooked meal and thought that afterwards, if we were still feeling each other, we’d make-out and eventually fuck.

Later that night we chilled in my living room, drinking after dinner. A dinner I’d just whipped up that fell far short of what I’d hoped and dreamed it could be. She seemed to like it, or at least she said she did. The conversation was more relaxed now that wine had made an appearance. It made her smile and laugh more. It made her gestures more dramatic. As she talked I switched seats and sat right next to her. I put my hand on her thigh and felt the strongest urge to kiss her, but I was still new at this dating-and-fucking-femme-women thing, so I held back.  The sexual tension between us was thick in the air. We’d spent so long talking tonight, and still the tension was in the air. Eventually…

“I want to kiss you,” I stated once she paused for air.
I kissed her while the smile was still on her lips. They were soft and wet and felt hot in my mouth. That I expected.
What I didn’t anticipate was the degree of sexual attraction that lay between us.
It took a few minutes to build.
Suddenly, as mouths parted and tongues collided, she climbed on my thighs and started grinding her hot crotch on mine. My dick was hard, so fucking hard. I grabbed her ass as she rubbed up against me.
 I slipped my warm hands underneath her blouse. One hand crept to her bra strap while the other cupped her big soft breasts. She moaned in my mouth, sucking on my tongue, twisting and grinding on my crotch as her hands wildly caress  my back. Eventually she wants more access and pulls my shirt up my back, reaching underneath the A-shirt, I wear to flatten my chest, to my bare-back.  By now I’ve unbuttoned that bra, my hand twisting and squeezing her bare nipples. She’s moaning, sighing, saying “shit”, “damn” and asking me to squeeze them harder.

“Wanna go into my room?” I ask as we’ve outgrown this couch. She nods and we kiss and grope and fondle our way into my bedroom. On the way I squeeze my hands down the back of jeans to her naked ass. I squeeze softly at first, then hard and bring her closer to me, kissing her mouth and playing with her tongue.

In my room she pulls away.
“Can we talk about safe sex?”
I’m in the process of taking my pants off. I nod and gesture for her to continue.
“Latex all the way. If you’re strapping on, if you’re fingering me, all of that is happening with latex. I brought condoms and,” she bends over and retrieves a box and some condoms from her bag, “gloves.”

After kissing and sucking and licking her tongue, after taking one erect nipple into my mouth, sucking softly then hard and repeating, after I put my thigh up against her pussy, grinding and feeling the hot wetness slide up and down my thigh, after she reminded me to put gloves on because my eager fingers started to part her wet and warm pussy lips, I slipped a couple gloved fingers into her pussy and played with her clit. Even through the glove I could feel the heat of her. She was so wet that sounds of my fingers playing with her pussy filled the room.

I have a huge, huge acoustic fetish. I love dirty talk, moans, grunts, curses, and most especially wet fucking sounds. I started finger fucking her, first it was shallow and slow, her hips moving in response. Then her hips moved faster and my fingers plunged in deeper, she arched. Her soft warm body undulated beneath me. I fucked and she moaned, bending her neck backwards, head pushing into my pillow. I finger fucked her harder, which deepened her sounds, mouth opening wider. I bent my head and pushed my tongue into her warm open mouth and twirled with hers. She greedily reciprocated, taking all of my tongue into her hungry mouth, sucking. I ground into her more vigorously, egged on by her sounds, the degree of wetness on my hands. Suddenly I pictured my dildo buried all the way in her warm tight snatch and it was an image I wanted to bring to reality. Quickly I got off her to retrieve my strap-on.

10 embarrassing and ultra dorky minutes later, we gave up on using the strap and just opted to use the dildo alone.
It turns out the harness was broken.
We still tried to use it. That’s how badly we wanted a strap-on to feature prominently in tonight’s activities. 

You would think all that fumbling around and tinkering with a broke harness would kill the mood, but as soon as she got on top of me, her full breasts dangling over my face, nipples poised on my lips, I got hard in seconds. Her nipples slipped into my mouth and I bit them, she ground her pussy on me, rubbing her clit on my thigh, until the intensity of that made me sit up and hold her naked body to my sweaty one, breasts in my mouth, sucking a little hard this time. It was time to use the dildo. I laid back down and positioned the 8-incher on my crotch. This was my fave one. It was thick as hell and I’d never used it on any one else before, but I was ready to try that.
She climbed on top of me and slowly slid down my dick.
Her mouth fell open.
“It’s huge.”
She moved slowly on my dick, coating it more and more each time. I loved watching my dick emerge from her pussy wet.
I loved the feel of her bare ass in my hands as she rode me.
She started moving faster, hungrier.
I grabbed her supple ass harder and moved my hips, thrusting up to meet her, feeling like this piece of silicone was actually my dick, disappearing in and out of her. We moved faster. I sat up again because I wanted to feel her body against mine, her breasts pressed against my chest. My dick slipped in deeper and I grabbed her ass hard and fucked her deep and rough for a long time. Eventually she grabbed my shoulders, squeezing, head tilting back and let out a loud loud moan. As she’s bent backwards like this, I can’t help but take a nipple into my mouth, which makes her gasp and gently push me away.
“Once I come they feel really sensitive,” she barely gets out in between pants, before practically collapsing on the bed beside me and nestling her bare ass against me.
I’m a panting and sweaty mess, so I get up to wipe off. Once I’m somewhat dry I get back into bed, my arms wrap tightly around her.
The last thing I remember thinking right before passing out is how much I love the smell of her pussy.

Friday, April 6, 2012

my first STD

we said we would write about the good and the bad.  we promised honesty and realness. here goes. 

i went to the doctor because i had a yeast infection.  i used the over the counter stuff which helped but it didn't feel like it was fully gone.  since i was at the doctor and it had been exactly three months since i was last tested i asked her to also test me for STDs.  she confirmed i had a yeast infection and gave me meds.  what's funny is this time i wasn't actually worried at all that i had an STD.  I was actually very confident that i was fine.  this i believe shows how i had been getting lax.

a few days later i get a call from my health clinic.  they let me know that i had tested positive for an STD.  that it was easily treatable and that i just needed to come down to the clinic for the meds.  the guy who called was very nice about it all.  he said my partner should get treated and tested as well and asked a question about my partners gender (i don't remember the exact question) to which i responded guys - plural.  he paused.  interesting assumption that i have one partner.

as he's telling me more about the std, i'm just half listening as my mind is racing through my last 3 months of hookups trying to figure out how this happened. 

i had recently, really just two weeks prior hooked up with two regulars, one who i've been seeing now for a long time and one who i've been seeing for a bit but is newer.  with both of them we had fucked without condoms for the first time.  with both i had really thought about it before we did so, though in retrospect i was most focused on hiv and didn't really think about other stds (clearly a mistake).  With one we had talked extensively about testing and safer sex practices with the other to be honest we didn't, we had been hooking up for a long time on a very regular basis and i just felt a level of comfort and trust with him that made me lax.  i hooked up with them just a few days apart. i'm sure many folks are shaking their heads reading this, i know it was not the best decision.  other than that in the last three months i had been safe. 

i said to the clinic guy, i am normally safe, but i had unprotected sex with someone two weeks ago, could it happen that fast?  he said yes and that's probably when you got it.  he said this std is common and alot of people have it and don't have any symptoms.  I didn't say unprotected sex with two people, i just felt stressed, embarrassed and was afraid of judgement. 

after hanging up the phone i just sat there for a minute feeling like shit.  i felt ashamed, embarrassed, stressed, and overall i just felt stupid. 

i called my best friend and told him.  i luv my best friend.  he said its nothing to be ashamed of, its just an infection, its common, if you had an ear infection you wouldn't be feeling like this.  its easily treatable.  however, he said, maybe you need to rethink this no condom thing.  to which i said i know.

all of what he said is true however i still felt like shit.  i told him that i was planning to text the two regulars to let them know so they could get tested.  he said are you sure you should do that?  what if one of them gets violent or something.  to which i said, one of them i have no worries about, the other i'm not sure but while we've been playing for a while we are very anonymous so there is little he could do if he was angry about it.

this all just sucks.  i text both of my regulars and let them know in a very non blaming way, non accusatory way, and tell them they should get tested.  the one i had no worries about sent a really nice response, which i knew he would, he said he was so sorry if it was him and that he didn't know if it was and said he hoped i was ok.  so nice, to which i responded that he didn't need to apologize and that i hoped he was ok too.  the other one at first was like, wtf, its not me.  to which i just said your probably right but i just wanted you to know so you could get tested just in case and i hope your ok.

i'm feeling really down and bad about myself.  i start to worry what if i got it from one then gave it to the other.  i start to feel all guilty and bad about it all.  again i'm talking to my best friend and he says it was as much their decision as it was yours.  you are both equally responsible. which i know is true but i still feel like shit.

later that day, i'm still feeling shitty, and all of a sudden i remember that there was one other.  this one was a total mistake.  just a total fuck up on my part.  yet somehow i had totally forgotten about it.  honestly it just slipped my mind entirely. 

i hooked up with this dude, i didn't know before we met up, but we run in the same social circles. for some reason the fact that we know alot of the same people made me feel very comfortable with him and i was lax.  we also both were very drunk, again not something i normally do with a first time hook up, but i was feeling very comfortable.  we fucked of course and we started out using condoms however there was a point where we fucked without a condom for a bit.  this was a mistake.  i made a promise to myself that while i might bareback sometimes that it would only be with regulars who i've know a while and after we've discussed testing and safer sex practices and that i would very rarely do this.  this incident was just a total fuck up. 

and i had really just forgotten about it.  now i'm starting to feel really shitty.  as i had told the newer regular, when we were discussing possibly going raw, that i used to bareback sometimes but it was too stressful and that i had been safe since.  what if i gave the std to him? (he texted me a few days later to say he'd tested negative)

i never heard from the other dude again.  we had been hooking up on a pretty regular basis for a long time, really good fucks, major hottie, we also got along as people - he's a really nice guy.   par for the course in the hook up world.  i actually would have hooked up with him again, safe only, if he had contacted me and let me know he got tested, even if he found out he had the std, yuh know shit happens.  i am very judgemental of myself less so of others, clearly my own shit. 

i know that i had been getting cocky (no pun intended) and over confident and lax.  having an std is bad enough and i know i'm just lucky its something curable, adding on worrying that i gave it to someone and having to notify my hook ups - all sucks