I’ve been trying to understand what’s happening to me.
I’ve never been attracted to femme women. Not even when I was expected to, in my former life as a butch lesbian. How then do you explain this? I went out with this girl recently. We were to meet at a soul food spot and I was well on my way to being tipsy by the time she got there. She looked better in person, with her punkish haircut and cute nerdy glasses. She wasn’t skinny, but had some meat on her, supple and curvy, nice round ass, ample breasts (I’m starting to be a big fan), all of that. I got hard and wet just by looking at her, which, again, used to be a rare occurrence for me, but I’m discovering is definitely no longer the case. She hugged me during our hellos and her body was that combo of softness and hardness that I just love. I wanted run my hands up and down her body, ending up on her round ass, which I wanted to caress and squeeze and do all kinds of pervy things to.
We were both quite tipsy by the end of the date and well into each other. After dinner, she asked to walk me to my train station and it was done in this really smooth, ‘chivalrous’ way that had me kinda swooning. At the train station, we chatted some more and in my head I’m strategizing about the best way to kiss this girl. Then I try to remember the last time I “kissed a girl” and just when I realize it’s been a whopping 10 freaking years, she asks, “can I kiss you?” I smile and she smiles. I lean in, as does she. Our lips touch and part as the tips of our tongues graze. We softly suck on each other’s lips, tongues grazing again. It was shy and hot and “sweet”, to use her wording. It was a kiss that promised things to come and since then I’ve thought about her enough to make me eager for the next hang out. Which shouldn’t be long now and will hopefully include something a little more interactive than a kiss.
This is only part of the story of my recent sexual transformation.
The other part is my renewed interest in trans men.
Maybe it’s partially because of the dude I’m fucking with right now. He’s cuuuttteee. Ink work all over his body, a few steel piercings here and there, and a long chain draped around his neck. He’s a tad shorter than me, which is cool as I always used to have more sexual chemistry with trans dudes around my build (give or take.) He came over to my crib after we’d had a somewhat awkward dinner situation. Dinner was somewhat awkward partially because I’d hit the sticky icky beforehand, so I was a little tongue tied, which happens to me sometimes when I smoke. (Other times you could stuff my mouth full of rocks and I still wouldn’t shut up.) Race shit also had a lot to do with the awkwardness. My blackness and his whiteness mean we’ve had very different life experiences. There of course was the commonality of our transness, queerness, radical politics, etc. But I think we were trying to find some real ways of connecting beyond those things. Well, thankfully, we found one way much, much later, in the confines of my apartment, beneath my maroon linen sheets…after watching vintage gay porn.
This boy was beautiful.
I made sure to lick every surface of his skin. I especially made sure to suck and lick that delicious clit/cock of his and he let out this deep, deep moan in response. Which probably woke the neighbours, but so what? They fuck too. Or at least I hope they do if they want to.
I was so hard.
His wet mouth around my clit felt so warm. Licking the tip, tongue encircling it, and then sucking the whole cock into his mouth. I kind of lost my head for a moment or three. He got on top, spread my legs wide and rubbed his cock on mine. We ground together like this forever. Grunting into each other’s ear, hot breath splashing onto each other’s cheeks. He lowered his face and sought my tongue with his. I sucked on his bottom lip, then the top.
“I get so horny just feelin’ your hard cock on my thigh,” he whispered into my ear when I got on top of him a little bit later. I was so fucking hard.
Then I decided I just had to fuck him with my strap.
He was open to it.
The question in my lust-addled mind was where the hell did I put that strap? It’d been that long since I’d used it. That’s how wide open this cutie had me. First I wanted to fuck his brains out, then I wanted him to fuck the shit outta me. I spent a few minutes searching, but nothing. Meanwhile, he’s sitting on my bed butt-ass naked, looking totally fuckable and that’s when I came to my senses. Instead of wasting this precious time, I could just fuck him with his dildo. Save the strap for next time cuz we were too damn horny right now for long-term searches.
And that’s exactly what I did.
He climbed on me, slid down the cock sighing loudly as his wet pussy met my hand at the base.
“You move, okay? So you can control how deep it goes,” I whispered up to him because he was tight. He started moving, plunging down and meeting my now wet hand, moaning louder each time. I tried to stay true to my word, but after a while I couldn’t help bucking my hips to meet his. My free hand grabbed his supple ass squeezing somewhat hard, finger playing with his asshole. That’s when he slammed down hard onto my hand, cock now completely buried in his pussy, letting out a loud guttural sound as he came, which definitely woke the neighbours.
After a few moments rest, we started again…
Saying goodbye later that night, we pressed our bodies together, clasped each other’s asses and kissed deeply, sloppily.
“Stay in touch and let me know what you’re up to,” he said while heading towards the elevator in the hallway. I nodded as I closed the door behind him.
For a good 20 minutes after he left, I stood in the middle of my living room lost in deep thought. I was feeling all kinds of confused about this recent development in my sexuality – it’d been years since I’d fucked anyone but cis guys. But I’m usually not one to make a big deal about transitions like these, so eventually I just started thinking about the many ways we fucked that night. Inevitably, I got horny again and quickly disappeared into my room.
I’m sure you can guess how the night ended.