Sunday, March 27, 2011
He'd been pestering me for weeks. Begging me to come over so he could eat me out. He didn't want to fuck, just give oral and I don't usually do those kinds of hook ups (licking me for a few minutes just makes me want to play with your penis). But I woke up one bright and sunny Saturday morning and my clit was as hard as a rock. (This has been happening more and more lately). I felt so fucking horny. The kind of horny where I'd just want to lock myself in a room with a few men and fuck like there's no tomorrow. But surprise surprise, the kind of fucking I was looking for this particular morning didn't involve a cock. I thought about G, the dude who'd been texting me for weeks, trying to lure me over to his place with promises of amazing oral. Just like that my mind was made up. A series of back and forth texts later, I was up and about. Fifteen minutes after that, I was out the door, walking briskly to the train station. Yeah, I was horny as fuck.
He had a small room. When I entered, the curtains were already drawn. He had a flat screen and it was showing something...don't remember what. He reclined on his full-sized bed and I looked him over again. Bearish, bald, whitish guy, with these really interesting blue-green eyes. Late 30s. I noticed his blond beard and mustache. Later, that mustache would tickle in the most delicious way as his tongue dug in and out of me.
We really shouldn't have talked so much in the beginning, because all the ugly traits and qualities, you can't know by looking at a photograph, emerge. You know, ugliness like xenophobia. Shit like that. He didn't like how racially and culturally diverse his neighborhood was. "The only people that need to stick together are white and black people. Everyone else can fuck off." I was aghast. Holy shit. This dude is a Republican. This was later confirmed when he said "I'm a republican" and pointed to the American flag taped over one window. It was so dusty and dingy-looking I had mistaken it for a curtain. I didn't like where this conversation was going, so I quickly changed the subject back to sex. I had come here to get off, not get roped into some philosophical or political debate.
"My girl's okay with me fooling around, because she can't get down with my fetishes," he explained, after telling me he had a girlfriend. He had a "natural scent" (aka body odour) thing and gets off on smelling people's armpits...the sweatier the better. His favorite body part to smell is the vagina; he can't get enough of pussy smell. "The muskier the better," he said with a big smile on his face. Then he proclaimed his love for feet and appraised mine favorably. Eventually, I don't remember how we got there, he started sharing stories about his former life as a sex worker, and the fetishes and fantasies he had to fulfill for wealthy men. There was a forced flippancy in the way he shared these stories. After a while, it became less easy for me to judge him simply as "the Republican."
The best part of this hook up? The different sensations - wetness, suction and pressure from his lips, friction from the bristles on his tongue. I haven't been eaten out like that in a long time. In fact, I've probably never been eaten out like that. Feeling like someone is sucking my cock and tongue-fucking me at the same time. I like the complicated-ness being trans adds to my experience of desire and pleasure. Sometimes when I'm fooling around with dudes, very few can actually grasp gender-queerness, so they have to lump me in one category or the other - really butch woman or faggy guy. However, with this guy I just had the feeling that he got it, you know. He was sucking on my clit like he knew his way around cock and lapping on me like I was some life-saving meal.
"You have nice feet." He knelt between my thighs, my left leg in the air, big toe at his lips. "Thank...uhh..." He pushed my toe into his mouth, sucking, and I lost my train of thought. So, let's pause here for a second. I don't have a feet thing. In fact, sometimes I don't understand it and no offense to people who dig feet fucking or anything like that. This is probably the left-over prude in me talking. However, I'll be honest, something happened when this dude sucked on my toes while finger fucking me. His lips around my toes felt so fucking soft, but his fingers in me felt anything but soft and gentle. Again, the mixture of sensations...I didn't come, but it felt really good. So now, perhaps, I'm rethinking my stance on feet sex.
On the train ride home I mauled over his stories and thought for the umpteenth time how complex human attractions and desires are, how we don't really understand why we like to fuck certain people and like being sexed up in particular ways. I didn't want to think about the injustice of being forced to make a living fulfilling the sexual sexual desires of others. That just seemed too heavy and painful a thought to be having at that moment.
Walking from the train station to my apt, I received his texts. He's never bottomed, but wants me to fuck him next time I go over. I think about my strap, which is just collecting dust in my room since I hadn't used the fucker in a long time. I thought about G and tried to imagine his ass, which I hadn't gotten a really good look at. I kinda want to fuck the kinky Republican...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
its now sunday afternoon and i'm just lazing around, i have my sites up but am not paying a whole lot of attention when i notice a new message. the subject says "FTMs drive me wild"
ok, that catches my eye. I check him out. he's a big, 6ft something, 280lb, bear. Much luv to all the bears out there, however bears are not usually my thing.
But every once in a while I get a craving.
He's cute and is a 5 minute bike ride away (again my thing for anything local).
We chat some, turns out he's never been with an ftm before, but has been wanting to for sometime and finds the idea incredibly hot. I tell him what i'm into and ask what he'd like to do - he says theoretically he would like to finger fuck and pussy fuck me, theoretically cuz he's never done either before, but no kissing cuz he has a boyfriend (open relationship).
Sounds good to me. i kinda luv that he said "theoretically".
Then he says you know i'm a big guy right. I say I like big guys.
He only has an hour or so before his boyfriend gets home. So i head over. I get to his place, big place, you can tell a couple lives there. We sit down on his couch. He says he would never know that I'm trans - that i even walk like a guy - I just had to put that in cuz i thought it was interesting - what does a guy walk like? Anyways, we're chatting and i'm very aware of time.
He says he's really nervous. Sometimes nervousness is a turn off and sometimes I love it. In this case I love it. Dude is almost 3x my weight and way over a foot taller and i'm making him nervous - its very cute.
Its clear i'm gonna have to take the lead which is also not so much my thing, i'm on the sub side, but sometimes taking the lead is hot and in this case it is so I say babe don't be nervous and i stroke his face. then i climb on top of his lap and kiss his neck while i grind against him. I pull of his shirt and help him with his pants. I strip. he's sitting on the couch, he's such a big mountain of a guy i kneel down in front of him and take his cock into my mouth. he's semi erect so i help him out. he moans as i guide my lips up and down his shaft.
i climb back up on top of him so i'm sitting on his lap. i take his hand and i guide his fingers into me. he starts stroking my cunt with his long thick fingers. i ask him if he likes it, he moans and nods. I ask if he wants to fuck me. he nods. i grab a condom and slip it over his dick. then i guide him into me. he squeezes my nipples as i ride him. he cums quickly - but its very hot. he apologizes for cumming so quickly, says he was just so nervous. I say no prob man, don't worry about it. he says with a grin if we meet again i promise i will last longer. i smile - nice.
I clean up, get dressed and head out. He says, 'thanks man' as i'm heading out the door. I get home and text him - Thanks - you made my sunday much more interesting.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Fucking virgin dudes has been really and truly a lot of fun. Way more fun than fucking "experienced" dudes when I was a girl. For years I had such unsatisfying sexual encounters. I know. I know. It takes 2 (or 4 or 5) to tango, as they say. I was sexually repressed and there are a number of reasons for that, which I'll save for another blog post. With guys who are virgins in some way (see paragraph 1) I've encountered so many interesting reactions to my pussy. I love that moment when they realize that being inside one isn't what they expected. I remember this one dude who with this surprised look on his face, kept saying over and over "Wow. This feels really good!" I mean, really, what pre-conceived notions do these guys have about vaginas? I should ask that next time. "When I say vagina what comes to mind?" Or just simply "what do you think of vaginas?" (To all who are cringing at my use of the v word, don't worry. I like seeing myself as a guy with a pussy) Oftentimes these dudes are so curious about vaginas. I remember this one guy wanted to go down on me. He'd never done it, but was so eager to try. I was a bit unsure, but I just decided to go for it. If he was doing a bang up job I'd stop him, fragile ego or not. And that's exactly what I did. He took it like a champ.
Everyone once in a while I'll do a strictly oral-sex hook up. I usually prefer not to do it, so the few I've had have been purely accidental. The best of these was with this white guy who was so fucking tall. He said he was a music producer. His pic looked like a head shot. He had this hippy granola vibe, but physically he was more urban cowboy. Anyway, he sucked my clit for a while. That was hands down one of the hottest sessions ever. He just cradled my ass and sucked me off. If I could, I would have come in his mouth. I know. I know. Not safe. But, fuck, besides abstinence, what is safe? Safety is an illusion, but we all know that.
Not all the response to my vagina has been favorable, however. See my boyfriend hates my genitalia. Sometimes when I don't hear back from guys, I wonder if my vagina had something to do with it. But I take one look at it and smile. I could never hate you. Yes, we've had quite a tempestuous relationship, my vagina and I. We spent months, years even, not speaking. Those were really miserable times. These are good times, with my vagina and I on speaking terms and all. Is it possible I've used the word "vagina" 200 times in this post? Perhaps I should tell you what other parts of my body I like. Well, I like my arms. I really do. I try to say "what's up" to my ass every morning. My stomach and I aren't giving each other death glares anymore. So things are going well. Except for my legs, which I'm still learning to love and accept. It's a work in progress.
So we went from virgins to vaginas to legs. I don't quite know how that happened, but I think it's your fault...
Sunday, March 13, 2011
So I did my first out of town hook up today. I’m visiting relatives in the town where I grew up. When I had visited in the past by the end of the visit I would be near explosion with sexual frustration. So I had decided ahead of time that I would see if I could arrange something for this visit. A week or two beforehand I added to my profiles that I would be in my hometown and the dates of my visit and then I changed my location to that city. I got hit up pretty quickly by a cute guy who had been with a trans guy once before and was not far from where I would be staying. We chatted for a bit, seemed very hot and then exchanged numbers. Cool.
So the week of my trip comes and he texts me to see if we are still on. I say yeah, most definitely so we arrange date, time, etc.
My hometown is the kind of place where you have to have a car – public transportation is really bad – so I realized I didn’t really have a way to get to his place. He offered to pick me up, but I was not OK with my hook up picking me up at my family’s place.....
So instead I asked my little brother to drop me off – LOL. I’m out to my little brother, but telling him to drop me off at a hook ups place is a little more disclosure than our relationship entails. So I tell him I’m meeting a friend and just have him drop me off at a coffee shop near the hook up.
I walk to his apartment, which is in an area I’m familiar with, as I walk I'm thinking about how the last time I was there I was in high school hanging with friends, now years later, I’m a little transqueer walking to get fucked by some guy I met online.
I get to his place, nice guy, cute, looks older than his pic which is hot as he has a bit of a youngish silver fox thing going. We chat for a bit sitting on his couch. He is very stereotypically gay. Then we start kissing – we make out for a while on his couch, clothes still on, its get me very hard. Then he leads me to his bedroom. We kiss, he’s a really good kisser, and we make out some more shirts off, I can feel his hard on through his jeans as he grinds into me. Its too much for both of us – he pulls back, strips then unbuttons my pants and pulls them off. We kiss and grind for a while just enjoying the feeling of each others bodies.
Then I push him back and take his cock into my mouth, he’s got a beautiful cock, he moans as i guide my mouth up and down his shaft, he is the perfect size where I’m able to take his cock fully down my throat, he moans and fucks my throat until I can’t take it anymore, then pushing me onto my back he spreads my legs and begins to tongue my front hole, this I love, after sometime he climbs on top of me grabs my head and face fucks me hard.
He grabs a condom, slips it on and moans as he slowly pushes his cock into me, he lifts my legs up over my head and fucks me, slow long strokes, after a while he wraps his arms around me and pulls me up on top of him, my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist i ride him as he kneels back meeting each stroke. He says he's gonna cum soon and pushes me onto my back, we’re both moaning and fucking each other frantically, he shoots and it must be a huge load cuz even with the condom I feel his hot cum shoot into me (no worries the condom didn’t break).
He pulls out cleans up and then collapses on top of me. We lie like that for a while. Just chatting about our lives and stuff. He’s a talker which is good cuz I’m feeling a little off my normal chat game. We chat for quite a while about our lives. I like him.
Then he starts kissing me again, we kiss and grind urgently, I can feel that he’s already hard again, he grabs a condom and pushes hard into me, I pull him to me and we kiss and fuck, our bodies tightly together, he’s fucking me hard and fast, he says he gonna cum again and we keep fucking until he lets out a huge groan, he keeps stroking me and I’m cumming as well until he collapses on top of me, his body against my clit and his cock still in me I hold him tightly to me as i feel my body continue to spasm and shake.
Afterwards we lie back and chat for a while more. I ask if he needs to go soon and he says yeah but he doesn’t want to so we just cuddle and chat. Then he really needs go to. He offers to drive me where ever I need. I just ask him to drop me in town near the bus. As he’s dropping me off he kisses me good bye.
So I’m waiting for the bus for over half an hour (like i said public transit in my home town sucks) when my little brother calls me to say that they are in town having dinner and asking where I am and to join them. I hesitate a bit cuz something seems not right about going straight from a hook up to dinner with the family, but whatever.
So I meet them at a local restaurant. As we are chatting over dinner i keep thinking is it obvious I’ve just been fucking some guy, do i smell like sex? surreal to go from an anonymous cock in my mouth to sharing a slice of pie with my mom.
Monday, March 7, 2011
So I want to share with you more of what went on in that bedroom, but it's so really uninspiring that I don't have the energy to explain or describe. I'll just leave you with one word on the subject: awkward. Awkward. And, no, we didn't have sex. There was some fumbling attempt at it, but it was like there was some invisible force dead-set on us not fucking. To that invisible force I say, thank you.
Now that I think about it, what was so profound about the whole situation was just how sad this guy was. His life (which he recounted to me after we gave up trying to fuck) seemed to have been invaded by this sadness he couldn't make heads nor tail of. He'd spent many years unsuccessfully chasing love from one country to another, from Florida, USA to Santo Domingo, DR. After struggling together as a couple for a long time, him and his girl finally called it quits a few months ago. He had to move out and start life anew elsewhere. This new journey was rough for him and even though he didn't say the words, I could just sense his loneliness. I felt sad leaving his apartment, and felt that way the rest of the day and through the night. It got me thinking about the reasons people fuck. Underneath it all, is it really about loneliness? Is this what propels us to constantly date and fuck? Food for thought...