Sunday, March 20, 2011

Virgins, Vaginas and Legs

One day I sat down and thought about all the dudes I'd fucked. I started calculating how many for whom I was some kind of first. After a while it dawned on me. I fuck a lot of virgins! Either they've never been with a trans man before (about 99% fall in this category) or they've never fucked a pussy before and about 70% fall into this latter category. What's going on here? For a lot of these guys, there's something unique about me that turns them on. It could be the combo of transboyfagverse combine that with racial identity, class, physical presentation, and all of the lovely other facets that combine into this me. I'll be the first to admit there is some exotification going on here. I'll also confess this makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Should I not be fucking these dudes then? But what if looking at them gets me horny? Sexuality is such a complicated thing. It's irrational... But the point I'm trying to make is this, over time, after fucking all these dudes who, to varying degrees, exotify me will I internalize some of that? Like catching a cold, ideas spread. I don't want to "catch" their ideas of me, but oftentimes the sex is really good. Quite the conundrum.

Fucking virgin dudes has been really and truly a lot of fun. Way more fun than fucking "experienced" dudes when I was a girl. For years I had such unsatisfying sexual encounters. I know. I know. It takes 2 (or 4 or 5) to tango, as they say. I was sexually repressed and there are a number of reasons for that, which I'll save for another blog post. With guys who are virgins in some way (see paragraph 1) I've encountered so many interesting reactions to my pussy. I love that moment when they realize that being inside one isn't what they expected. I remember this one dude who with this surprised look on his face, kept saying over and over "Wow. This feels really good!" I mean, really, what pre-conceived notions do these guys have about vaginas? I should ask that next time. "When I say vagina what comes to mind?" Or just simply "what do you think of vaginas?" (To all who are cringing at my use of the v word, don't worry. I like seeing myself as a guy with a pussy) Oftentimes these dudes are so curious about vaginas. I remember this one guy wanted to go down on me. He'd never done it, but was so eager to try. I was a bit unsure, but I just decided to go for it. If he was doing a bang up job I'd stop him, fragile ego or not. And that's exactly what I did. He took it like a champ.

Everyone once in a while I'll do a strictly oral-sex hook up. I usually prefer not to do it, so the few I've had have been purely accidental. The best of these was with this white guy who was so fucking tall. He said he was a music producer. His pic looked like a head shot. He had this hippy granola vibe, but physically he was more urban cowboy. Anyway, he sucked my clit for a while. That was hands down one of the hottest sessions ever. He just cradled my ass and sucked me off. If I could, I would have come in his mouth. I know. I know. Not safe. But, fuck, besides abstinence, what is safe? Safety is an illusion, but we all know that.

Not all the response to my vagina has been favorable, however. See my boyfriend hates my genitalia. Sometimes when I don't hear back from guys, I wonder if my vagina had something to do with it. But I take one look at it and smile. I could never hate you. Yes, we've had quite a tempestuous relationship, my vagina and I. We spent months, years even, not speaking. Those were really miserable times. These are good times, with my vagina and I on speaking terms and all. Is it possible I've used the word "vagina" 200 times in this post? Perhaps I should tell you what other parts of my body I like. Well, I like my arms. I really do. I try to say "what's up" to my ass every morning. My stomach and I aren't giving each other death glares anymore. So things are going well. Except for my legs, which I'm still learning to love and accept. It's a work in progress.

So we went from virgins to vaginas to legs. I don't quite know how that happened, but I think it's your fault...

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