2am switch

So I see this as a funny adventure story, but when i told my best friend about it he yelled at me and wouldn't speak to me for a while because he felt i had been really stupid and put myself in a really unsafe situation. I know he's right and i probably should not trust my instincts so much, but I lived to tell the tale as they say so here goes.

So I'd been out at a club and got home around 2am. I log into my sites and almost immediately get hit up by this guy from Venezuela, who said he was only in town for one more night, he's staying real close by (again my local hook up thing). So I was like what the fuck, why not. I got on my bike and biked over.

He said he’d meet me outside cuz he doesn’t have a phone that works here. Got there faster than I expected so I chilled outside. A latino guy came out at one point and looked around, I don’t know what I was thinking but I asked him if he’d been on MH… not smart. Anyways he just said no and left, for a while I thought that was the guy and he was ditching me.

Was gonna just wait for a few more minutes then head home, when this young white guy walks up and stands maybe a few feet away from me like he’s waiting for someone. We keep looking at each other and kind of laughing, I mean its 2am on a Saturday night and we're both just hanging out on an empty block in front of a fancy apartment building.

So we go up to each other. He is pretty obviously gay. I asked if he was waiting for someone he said yeah. I said are you from Venezuela. He said no laughing, are you, I said no. I said were you just online. He said yeah. I said on MH, he said yeah. After some further investigation we realized we were both meeting the same guy. It was pretty fucking weird and hilarious.

After a bit of chatting, we exchanged names and he said, well your real cute, do you want to go back to my place, I’m not far from here. I was thinking this is very weird, but the vibe felt fine so I said, well your cute too but I have to tell you I’m trans. He said oh, that’s cool.

This is my first time having to do this negotiation face to face - its weird and a bit stressful - but I just say you understand that means I was born female, I’ve been on testosterone for a long time so I pass but I still have all the female parts.

He didn't seem phased, he just said I’m cool with it. So I said cool and we started walking to his place. As we walked we talked more, he seemed more worried that he wouldn’t be able to fuck me the way i wanted than anything else. So we walked and chatted, he seemed cool, the vibe was cool.

His place was a bit of a walk though and at one point we turned onto a real deserted block and I started to feel a little nervous like if it was some kind of set up and i was about to be jumped, robbed, gay bashed, who knows. I knew the area though and so was figuring my escape route when we finally got to his place. Then it was clear everything was ok, his roomie was home, just a regular kind of vibe. We went to his room, he got me a drink, we showed each other our MH inboxes with the same guy in it - hilarious.

In the midst of this Venezuelan dude texts me to say sorry that he was delayed. We both ignore it. Then we fucked. It was ok, I couldn’t tell if he was into it or not. He couldn’t come from fucking had to jerk himself off. Then we cuddled and slept a little. I got up to leave and he pulled me back down and we messed around some more, he wanted to fuck without a condom and I said no, he said he didn’t want to fuck with one so I sucked him off some then he jerked off and we fell asleep again. I woke up and realized it was 6am.

I got up, got dressed wrote my # down, and told him I had to go, he said let me walk you out, I said its ok, he said no its not, but it was clear he was crashed so I told him no its cool and let myself out. Walked back to my bike and rode home with the sun coming up.

beautiful boy

This guy had been hitting me up on ManHunt for some time now. We had been messaging back and forth periodically. I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to hook up with him. He is not my type physically based on his pictures but sometimes, at least for me, physical attraction and sexual attraction don’t always equate. There is also something interesting about him in a punk, alternative kind of way... And he has been with trans guys before which is always a good thing. Saturday he started messaging me on MH. Pretty hot messages. He is a total dom and sometimes I’m in the mood to be a total sub…

Sunday night rolls around and he says come over he has about an hour or two to host. His texts are not requests but orders which I find pretty hot. So I hop on my bike and I’m there quickly. He comes to the door and he really is not my type at all but I decide to go with it. He’s nice and in person less of a dom which is what it is. We get into his place and he immediately starts kissing me, we make the way to his couch and both strip, he’s hard and I suck him off some, then we fuck for a while, its good, not great, but good.

Afterwards, I’m sprawled out on my back on his couch, still entirely naked my arms behind my head, recovering a little.

He looks down at me and says slowly with a smile “You really are a beautiful boy”.

Love it.

I've been on testosterone for a long time but I have not had any surgery top or bottom. I didn't end up hooking up with this guy again, but I always remember him saying that. of course i don't think we should rely on other people in order to affirm and love our bodies, but as trans and genderqueer people of color the message the outside world sends us is almost always negative, so when the outside world sends something affirming amidst all the complications of race, gender and sex - its nice to take note of.

The Craigslist Hook Up

One of the least enjoyable aspects of the anonymous sex scene is what I refer to as the "setting up" stage. The moment when you're horny as all hell and you've exhausted the million different ways to fuck yourself with your favorite dildo and you're way overdue for someone else to be wielding a cock in your general direction. So you hop onto one of the sites - craigslist, adam4adam, manhunt, etc. Some sites are more effective than others. I've tried all three of these with varying success.

Craigslist is a "you gotta work for it" kinda site. First there's the ad development phase. You have to decide how you want to describe your "trans-ness". Using terms like FTM, Trans Man, Trans Boy, has to be a deliberate choice, because each term draws a particular type of "gent". If you describe yourself as "FTM", you're more likely to draw a guy, for whom attraction for trans men has been tried, tested, and proven to be true. He can actually say "female to male" without tripping over words and looking seriously confused. This is my favorite kind of CL hook up because the sex is usually hot. If you describe yourself as a "Trans Boy", then expect the "daddy" types to hit you up. For some reason, the term "Trans Man" draws a lot more guys who are actually looking for trans women. Go figure.

Once the ad has been placed and the responses start trickling or rolling in, then the real work begins. Some men aren't scared to air their shit - they'll send cock pics right away, want to meet that day, and eagerly list all the many dirty things they'd like to do to you. Others are shy and hesitant. They're usually living a totally straight (and narrow) life with a girlfriend or wife, so every once in a while they gotta get a little kink in their life and that's where you come in. I generally steer clear of these guys, because, well...there's just too much potential for drama. Then there are the fools who, even after you've been clear about what being a trans guy means in your ad, you've emailed back and forth about this, they've seen your pictures (face and torso), they know about the facial hair, somehow after all this they're expecting (hoping and praying for) you to look more like a butch woman. I can tell you from experience, very rarely does meeting up with a guy like this result in sex (or even good sex). Once in a while, yes, a dude surprises the hell out of you and you walk away all glowing and shit, but most of the time, it results in nothing or nothing to write home about. You may have to wade through tons of responses from CL, a lot of them icky, and really only find one guy that you'd disrobe for, which is quite common, as well as time consuming! So, yeah, the CL hook up usually requires a lot of work.

Manhunt and Adam4Adam

so my co blogger and i were talking about how we don't include in our posts the process of arranging the hook up so i thought i'd share what i do. this is just what i feel comfortable with, everyone has there own way, no judgement intended, much respect and luv for whatever folks do to arrange to fuck : ).

so to start i used adam4adam and manhunt alot. i've used craigslist in the past and gotten some good results, but i'm a bit lazy and craigslist is sometimes more work then a4a and mh. my profile on those sites explicitly says that i'm a trans guy however no one reads the profiles... i have a public pic up that show's some skin (no breasts or genitals though - i've heard mh and a4a will take it down if you do that, but i also know some transguys who have gotten away with it), its a torso shot, i've gotten much better results with that then when i had a clothed pic up. i don't publicly post a face pic.  again just my thing i know lots of transguys who post face pics. 

i very rarely hit up guys, i usually wait for them to hit me up, in hopes that they at least glanced at the profile, i'm all about efficiency and feel like if they're hitting me up its more likely to work out then the other way around - not into wasting time... and clearly not all of the guys on these sites are into trans guys. UPDATE - recently i have started approaching guys more.  basically A4A and MH both let you see who has looked at your profile.  so now if someone has looked at my profile and i find them interesting sometimes i message them before they message me.  i have gotten some good results doing this but have yet to close the deal....

when a guy hits me up the first thing i say to him is that i'm a trans guy and i explicitly explain what that means, that i was born female but now am a guy, that for me it means i'm on hormones and pass as a guy but i have not had any surgery, and i spell that out for them, i say that means i still have breasts and a pussy (i know that some trans guys don't use that term to refer to their genitals and i fully respect and get that, but i use it and i am totally ok with it).

in my experience either there is no response or the guys will be like yeah i'm into it/interested. expect a good amount of non response - that's the reality of the hook up scene especially for us trans and genderqueer folks. i have a friend, another trans guy who also likes to play, he gets down sometimes about the non response, but i believe you can't take that shit personally.

then there's some back and forth and negotiation - how much largely depends on the guy, my mood, his mood and sometimes just the time of day...

the majority of time i have to do some amount of trans 101, i'm ok with doing that, i know other folks are not - again its a personal choice.

almost always i say what i like to do and what i don't. i like to do that negotiation beforehand and not in the heat of the moment. and the online negotiation of that can be pretty hot sometimes... 

i'm gonna probably keep adding to this post so check back sometimes.