Friday, December 23, 2011

drunken fucking

i've been known to have a beer or two in the process of a hook up.  i enjoy having a bit of a buzz while fucking.  i've also been known to get more than buzzed with some of my regulars, not often but every now and then, not quite drunk of my ass but definitely beyond buzzed.  this is something i only do with a regular.  i like to have my wits about me on a first hook up.  however, i just did this hook up and got totally hammered to the point where the details of the night are a bit blurry.  clearly this was not the wisest decision on my part and i am fortunate that the hook up was a good guy. 

this is how it went.  we had been chatting for sometime now.  cute guy.  usual chat, nothing special, hiv/std status, how we like to fuck, when we're usually free, etc.  we finally arranged to meet up at a local gay bar.  i very rarely meet my hook ups in public.  what's the point.  we both know what we are there for.  i'm clear that i am not looking to date i just want to fuck.  meeting for a drink or coffee is unnecessary. however i do it sometimes as i understand folks wanting to check me out before inviting me to their home.   

dude arrives.  he only somewhat looks like his pics, but he's still cute in a very faggy gay boy kind of way which i luv.  we chat some and realize that we know alot of the same people.  this never happens to me.  i've hooked up alot and there is only one other dude i've fucked where we actually run in similar worlds.  

i've finished my first drink and he buys me another.  good convo though not my usual hook up chat as we discuss what's going on in our circle of the world. i'm buzzed at this point.  we start making out at the bar.  its very hot.  i have always loved public displays of affection.  i guess i may be a bit of an exhibitionist at heart. at some point he orders a 3rd round.  we continue making out, i'm playing with his cock through his jeans, we are all over each other, oblivious to the rest of the bar.  its quite possible that there may have been a 4th round it gets a little blurry at this point.  we left the bar and walked/stumbled to his place.  we definitely got some stares which could've been cuz we were clearly plastered or cuz we are clearly gay - his arm around my waist and my hand on his ass....

we get to his place and he pours another drink.  he is clearly a hard core drinker.  we strip and fuck.  i vaguely remember it being good not great but good.  the details are very blurry.  i can't even remember if he came.  kind of think he didn't.  i also know that we mostly used condoms, emphasis on mostly.  he was pretty fucked up too.  at some point i must have fallen asleep, i rarely stay the night at hookups especially not a first time hookup.  woke up the next day still at his place, vague memory of him asking if i want to just stay over and me saying yes.  i have never gotten this fucked up with a hook up.  even with a regular.

i know that the fact that we know the same people made me feel very comfortable with him and i let my guard down in a way that i normally would not do.  thinking about it, i used to get a bit intoxicated at times with the other hookup i used to do who also ran in similar circles, i think there is something about the feeling of familiarity and maybe this assumption of great accountability because we run in the same worlds that makes me drop my usual guards in ways that i really don't do with any other hookups.  i know this is not smart, i run in a leftist leaning queer and trans world, and its not like this world is immune to domestic violence, sexual assault or just people being wrong. 

also i feel kind of embarassed about it all to be honest.  i believe i was a bit more plastered than he was.  i know we fucked but i can't remember how it ended, or if it ended... i have a sneaking suspicion i may have fallen asleep while we were fucking...  lol, hate thinking that i was a shitty fuck (clearly my own shit).

Sunday, December 18, 2011

an ode to dom tops

i love a dom top.  love em.

i just came back from hooking up with this dude, total dom top.  i had hooked up with him a while ago and it was very hot however we hadn't been able to make it happen again.  literally, it had been almost nine months. 

skinny, clean cut, cute looking guy, he's got some type of high power job, clearly well off, fancy place.

i get to his place, he offers me a drink, pours me some expensive looking whiskey (not my usual drink, but whatever).  we sit on the couch chat for a bit then start kissing.

he unbuttons his pants - "suck my cock boy",  his voice gets extra deep when he gives orders.  its extra hot. 

he pushes my head towards his cock.  i take him into my mouth and suck him off.  he keeps his hand on the back of my head guiding my strokes.  we move to his bedroom, we both strip, he lies back and i kneel over him taking his cock into my mouth again - "yeah boy that's what i like".

after a bit he grabs my head and pushes me onto my back.  he likes to be on top (which i luv).  he grabs a condom and pushes inside me slowly at first.  fucking me missionary.  as he fucks me he gives orders. "tighten your body boy", "go loose", "fuck me back", "do what you want", "grab your ankles", each time in that extra deep voice, its incredibly hot. 

after fucking me like that for quite a while he says, "get on your stomach boy".  i turn over and he pushes his cock into my ass.  slowly, then hard deep strokes.  i moan as he pounds me.  then he stops, pulls out, switches condoms, and repositions me.  when he moves me around he does it by palming the top of my head, kind of weird and hot at the same time.   he turns me so i'm on my back, legs hanging over the edge of the bed.  he puts my legs on his shoulders and pushes his cock into me.  hard, fast thrusts.  "i'm getting close boy" he almost growls.  he pulls out, strips of the condom and shoots a huge load of cum all over my chest.

i lie back catching my breath.  he throws me a towel saying "ok, time to go".  he is not a cuddler.  lol.  i clean up, kiss him goodbye and head out the door. 

Saturday, December 10, 2011

phone - tale of a not fun fuck

dude and i had been chatting on and off for a few weeks but had not been able to arrange anything due to our schedules.  hot, sexy caramel skin dude.  hot chats about how he's gonna fuck me hard, etc. 

we finally arrange a hook up.  i get to his place and we get right to it.  he leads me to the bedroom and pulls out his cock.  he is smaller than he claimed, i'm a little annoyed just because i had been looking forward to a sizable fuck, while sometimes i admit i can be a size queen i normally don't care about a dudes cock size - as from my experience largeness of a cock does not equate to the quality of a fuck.

however i proceed and it just gets more annoying.

i suck him off for a while, then he says 'let me fuck that pussy', cool that's exactly what i want, i slip out of my pants. i ask if he has a condom, he grabs one and i mount him, i'm riding him a bit, when i realize he's gone soft. ok.....

yuh know i try to be sensitive about stuff like that, i don't want him to feel bad, i stop and ask if he wants me to suck him off some more. he says yeah, i do and he gets hard pretty fast. then the phone rings. he says i'm so sorry i gotta get this. he's on the phone for a few minutes then comes back. sorry he says.

he's still hard so i suck him off some more then we kiss and grind. the phone rings again. i'm like really - are you serious. he gets up to answer it again. comes back and we start kissing and grinding and he reaches down and starts jerking himself off until he comes.

ok, so this hook up is sucking, however i reach down to start to jerk myself off when the phone rings again. he says i'm so sorry and goes to answer it, still on the phone, he covers the mouth piece and says to me i'm really sorry but my friend is gonna be here in 20 minutes.

fucking annoying, this hook up sucks, i'm assuming he has some arrangement with a friend to call during a hook up so he has an excuse to break it off

i dress, grab my shit and bounce, still on the phone he motions that i should call him... really? are you serious?

anyways, as i'm leaving i arrange to hook up with one of my regulars in an hour. gotta get some fun out of this day.

chat buds

there's this dude that hit me up over manhunt some time ago. married guy. so i'm not into drama or dishonesty however he says that his wife know's that he likes to play around, he said its a don't ask don't tell situation - they have an agreement of sorts.

ok, sounds a little sketch to me, but we keep chatting. really hot chats. we kept tentatively arranging to actually meet and it never happens. after a while i finally clue in that this dude only wants to chat. at first i'm annoyed. then one night he IMs me. its freezing outside and i am horny as hell but can't imagine leaving the warmth of my apartment.

we start chatting.

me - sup?
chat guy (cg) - how yuh been?
me- good, busy, you?
cg - same
me - i'm horny as hell but its freezing outside
cg- me too
cg - so when we gonna meet up?
me- you tell me : )
cg - i can't wait to fuck you
me - yeah?
me - where yuh gonna fuck me at?
cg - my office
cg - i have a leather couch
cg - i will lay you back
cg - spread your legs
cg - wrap my lips around your swollen clit
cg - slide my tongue in and out of you
cg - suck u till you beg me to stop
cg - but i wont
me - nice
me - then what
cg - then i'd make u worship my cock
cg - push ur head down
me - hot
me - i'd kneel in front of you
cg - yeah
me - take ur cock in my mouth
me - slide my lips down ur length
me - deep throat yuh
me - let you fuck my throat raw
cg - tell me more
me - are you hard?
cg - yeah, rock hard, strokin it
me - me too
cg - yeah?
me - i'd let you bend me over
me - slide ur hard cock inside me
me - fuck me slow at first
me - then hard
me - pound my ass
me - make me scream, moan
me - til i beg you to stop
cg - but i wont
cg - i'll keep pounding u
cg - u can beg all u want but ur my slut
cg - i will do what i want

so you get the picture. i'm not gonna transcribe the whole thing but this is how it ended

me - i'm gonna cum
cg - yeah?
cg - cum for me
me - oh fuck, i'm close
cg - my cocks fucking you, plunging in and out of you
cg - my body rubbing your clit
me - i'm gonna cum
cg - stop
cg - not yet
me - ok
cg - stroke urself slower
cg - don't cum yet
cg - slide ur finger inside
cg - fuck urself
cg - now touch ur clit again
me - shit
me - i need to cum
cg - when i say so
cg - go slow
cg - ok now you can cum
me - fuck...

mmm, i realized i love internet jerk offs.

what's funny about this dude is we really have become chat buds.  now we swap hook up stories.  i ask him for advice, he's more experienced than i am in some ways.  i ask him if he's done things he tells me about them.  then we chat fuck and jerk off together.  

Monday, October 31, 2011

the italian

due to work i went two weeks without being fucked.  for me this is a very, very long time.  so finally things in my life calmed down.  during this two week period tons of new guys had hit me up of course this always happens when i can't hook up.  there were a number of interesting guys.

one was very persistent.  i've decided to call him the italian. hot in his pics.

we finally arrange to meet.  he's ok looking, not as cute as his pics, but ok.  one of those ultra masculine types.  he's bi, mostly fucks women but likes a guy now and then.  usual prefuck chat. he say's i'm not sure what to do,  should i turn down the lights?  cute.  i ask if he's nervous.  he say's no its just always hard for him to transition into sex.   i'm sitting on the bed so i motion for him to come over.

he starts kissing me.  we undress and he begins sucking my nipples (which i love) then he spreads my legs and begins tongueing my hole, stroking my clit with the tip of his tongue.  he's good.  not the best i've ever had but good.  he goes at me for a while til i decide i've had enough.  i push him off.  he lies back and i take his cock into my mouth.  i blow him for a while then grab a condom.  i guide him into me and ride him for a while.  he flips me over and strokes me missionary style.  then he pulls back and goes down on me again.  clearly this is something he loves.  we fuck like this for a while.  he fucks me then goes down on me.  fucks me then goes down on me.  its good.  not the best but good.  he says i could eat you all day.  nice

afterwards we're chatting some.  this is when i decide i like him as he's a really interesting guy.  hasn't been in the US for that long, he's an actor, performs often.  he is that stereotypical romantic italian.  which i realize i luv (who knew?).   we are talking tattoos and he tells me this story about how one of his tats represents his one true luv, this women who he has never been in a relationship with as the timing is never right, he's in a relationship, she's in a relationship, etc.  however they both know they are each others true love.  so i'm not much of a romantic but with stories like that i can't help but like the guy.

i get up to go and he asks if i want to stay for dinner, i decline as i need to head home and plus that's not something i normally do.

and then it gets even better.  he messages me afterwards to say he really enjoyed it and hopes we meet again and everyone once in a while in his messages he'll throw in a word in italian.  'bello' - handsome.  'bacio' - kiss.  

god who knew that i'm such a sucker for that kind of thing....

Saturday, October 22, 2011

trusting my instincts

when i first wrote this piece it started out like this - "my coblogger wrote a piece titled 'surprising good fuck'.  i just did this hook up and really, that's the only title that works to describe it so in order to not entirely copy his title i added the words 'more on'. "

however since then i decided to change the title from 'more on surprisingly good fucks' to 'trusting my instincts'   

this is how it started. i had the afternoon off.  i was very horny and really wanted a hook up.  however, i was feeling very tired and lazy and either wanted someone to come over or i did not want to travel more than 10 minutes on my bike.  i only have a few hookups that i would consider inviting over.  i don't like to host, just not my thing.  so i hit three of them up but no bites. i then hit up two nearby regulars and one somewhat nearby new guy.  none were free.  i'm starting to feel frustrated.  i'm surfing the sites and i'm not getting any hits.  this sucks.  so much rejection in one day sucks and its starting to get me down (though i know better...)

its about 6pm or so and i've given up on getting fucked today without leaving my 10 minute or so radius (i even expanded it to 20 mins) and i am not up to travel so it means i'm not getting fucked.  when i notice a message from this dude who i have chatted with before telling me to come over.  the reason i haven't hook up with him yet is he's not so attractive to me in his pics, i mean he's ok but there is something about him that has held me back.  however as i said i'm horny as hell, i'm having no luck today, and he is local, definitely within my ten minute biking radius. 

letting all of that get the better of me i tell him i can be over soon.  i hop on my bike and it really is just a ten minute ride despite getting a little lost.  i get to his place and he is actually really attractive, my kind of sexy, he looks like he is in his late 30's, thin, tall, brown skin, long black hair, some tats, jewelry, very hot.  nice, clean place (i have a major appreciation for cleanliness).  he takes me to his room.  we don't chat much as i realize I only speak english and he mostly speaks spanish.

he starts kissing me from behind.  i turn around and we kiss long and hard.  he is a really good kisser.  he lays back on the bed and we kiss and grind.  its very hot.  i pull of my shirt and he says 'wow'.  he places his lips around one of my nipples.  plays with my nipples for a while - i luv it.  then he pulls back for a moment and says, 'can i ask - you are man to woman or woman to man?'.  clearly our language barriers may have confused the situation, so normally this would be a very unsafe moment however he's really nice and clearly into me so i say "woman to man".  he says, "oh, nice" and proceeds to suck my nipples more.

i reach down and pull off his pants.  he has a huge thick cock.  i pull off my shorts, i have a second of nervousness, worried that maybe our inability to communicate verbally might mean what i have in my pants is not what he's expecting, however its fine.  as soon as i pull them off he reaches for me and pulls me on top of him.  we kiss and grind.  i kneel down and take his cock into my mouth.  he moans as my lips wrap around his thick cock.  i go at him for a while.  then he leans down and pulls me up, turns me onto my back and sucks my clit.  he is very good.  i'm very turned on and he's hard as a rock so i grab a condom and slip it on him.  i mount him slowly as he's big.  then i ride him grinding against him til i cum hard.  he flips me over onto my back and pushes into me, he's gone a little soft so he pulls out and strokes himself while he sucks my clit.  hot.  we fuck like this for a while.  he fucks me for a bit, i suck him off, he sucks me off while stroking himself.  he seems to be having trouble staying hard, but i don't care, the fucking is really good.  we fuck like this for about an hour.

afterwards i don't even bother to clean up, i mean i'm ten minutes from home, as i am leaving we make out at his door - very hot.  i bike home with his cum still drying on my chest.  

i could kick myself.  i can't believe i waited so long to hook up with this dude, clearly i let my lookism get the better of me, and i don't know why i never learn that people rarely look like their pics.  i could have been fucking this guy for months.  really my ideal is a hot fuck bud who lives a block away but i'll settle for a ten minute bike ride.

this dude and i hooked up a few more times, maybe 2 or 3 don't remember.  but then he started to get weird.  when i would say i couldn't swing by that day he would send angry messages.  now there is really no need for all that.  so i decided that i needed to let him go.  now i've let a few repeat hookups/regulars go in the past.  one dude it was because he just stopped being fun to play with (for reasons i'll save for another piece), one dude started to get very clingy and clearly wanted more than nsa, another dude was extra flaky.  

with this dude i felt worried that an outright i'm not interested anymore will escalate him.  i mean he doesn't know where i live and he has my cell (but he only uses it when i'm coming by i think he forgets he has it and i could always change my number if needed) so there is not a whole lot he can do but still. 

so i just keep telling him i can't come over.  however this does not work and he keeps trying and one day just says 'look if you don't want to see me again just tell me'.  i decide to do just that.  i send him a message just saying, i had fun and you're a good guy but i'm not interested anymore.  he sends me a series of angry messages back which i ignore.

the next day he messages me again like nothing happened asking me to come over.  ok this is too much.  so i block him.  a minute later i get a message from a different user name on the site - i open it and its an angry message from him.  wtf.  i block that user name too.

luckily he does not have a third user name and my blocking of him succeeds in cutting off contact.  however he still checks me out on the site now and again.  creepy.  gotta trust my instincts more.

Saturday, October 8, 2011


lately i've been hooking up with a lot of queens.  in all of the gay boy sense of the word.  to be clear that is how these guys self identify, well most of them.  

so i've fucked a good number of dudes.  bi guys, 'straight guys', a few queer guys, closeted guys, heteroflexible guys and of course gay guys, however queens are a particular type of gay that i do luv.   I would even go so far as to say that queen is another gender, but that is not for me to say as i am very far from a queen, and i am a strong believer in self determination. 

after a particularly long play session i woke up one morning not in my own room (for those who follow this blog you know that its rare that i stay the nite).  However this was a long late hook up involving public make out/groping sessions, balcony sex, and lots and lots of vodka or rum (to be honest i'm not quite sure), so it was easier to just crash.  i'm slowly coming to full consciousness and i start to gaze around the room which i didn't really see last nite as the lights were out and i was also focused elsewhere...

the first thing i see is a huge poster that says "queen" with a gorgeous person on it in full regalia, next to it on top of the dresser is a huge fuchsia feather headdress sitting on one of those mannequin heads and next to that is a Bette Midler doll still in its box on display.  As my eyes drift around i realize my hook up has a collection of Bette Midler dolls.  I almost laugh out loud however the hookup is right next to me and i don't want to disturb his beauty sleep, i believe i may be in one of the gayest rooms i've ever been in.  

the fact that i've been playing with alot of queens lately was not intentional, it just happened, actually it just recently dawned on me this queen trend i have going. 
so this may seem ridiculous to some but how i realized my queen trend is because i have very little fashion sense.  its not something i follow and i was not one of those people born with inherent style.  i put little thought into the clothes i wear on a daily basis.  what i've come to realize is that this is pretty unacceptable when in the company of a serious queen. 

this one queen i've been fucking pretty regularly.  as a result, i'm even more relaxed.  you like me, i like you, eventually all the clothes are gonna come off, what does it really matter what i have on.  so one nite we meet up and i'm extra extra casual, tank top and old ripped stained sweatshorts, he show's up in polished leather boots, a white button up, suit jacket with a silk red handkerchief folded carefully in its pocket.    now he's a brand of queen that actually would not say anything about what i'm wearing however, i think note to self, next time at least wear shorts that don't have a big stain on them....

this other queen that i've been playing with is the kind of queen who will let you know right away what's wrong with what you're wearing.  the last time we hooked up he said, 'honey, you are dressed like either a lesbian or a fat trucker' - in addition to the sizeism and sexism, some would take offense to having their outfits critiqued.  i however totally acknowledge my lack of fashion sense thus highly appreciate any feedback i receive.   

i'm not saying that i'm gonna change how i dress to suit my hookups, however being in the presence of high queens so often these days i do feel the need to at least up my sense of fashion, at least a bit, well or at least wear clothes without stains.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

the giant cock

i don't really know where to start about this hookup.  this guy and i had messaged some earlier that day.  it was friday night and i was just relaxing at home kind of looking for a hook up but also very content to just stay at home and chill after a long week.  i was chatting with a couple of guys on line and also a regular or two via text.

dude is ok looking in his pics.  like it could go either way.  however this is how he gets me.  i'm the kind of guy who likes variety.  sometimes i like a rough dom/sub fuck other times i like a slow sensual screw.  lately i have a good number of rough types and i don't have any sensual (i used to have a sensual fav but no longer...).  dude says he's a sensual kind of guy.  so this gets me.  its kind of late and i could easily stay home but i decide to go for it. 

i get to his place. nice place, but messy, bordering on needing to be cleaned (as folks who follow this blog know i have a thing for clean apartments).  he's ok looking, to be really honest i can't remember what he looks like, kind of hippyish white guy, can't remember his face at all for reasons you are soon to find out.  we chat a bit then start to kiss and make out.  its very slow and sensual... perfect.

we both strip and that's when i see his cock.  its gigantic.  i luv a thick cock - however this dude is gigantic no other word to describe it.  he didn't have a cock pic in his profile nor did his profile mention his size so i'm a bit shocked.  i bend down to blow him and i can barely get my mouth around it (no joke or exaggeration).  i try to suck him off but really i'm just sucking the head, its all i can do.

i know that my cunt will be able to do better (at least i hope it will) i reach for my condom supply and pull out a magnum XL.  he smiles and says great i have some of those too.  however when he puts it on it is clearly too small, like the magnum XL is squeezing his poor cock.  i say this to him and he says yeah, the only condom that fits him actually is this pricey japanese brand so he makes do with these.

i push him onto his back cuz i'm clear i'm gonna need to take my time.  i guide him into me a bit at a time, taking it slow, it hurts he's so big.  then he's all the way up in me.  and it hurts but i really want it.  then my cunt opens up to him and he's stroking me, its pain and pleasure at the same time, my cunt expands more to take his cock and now he's stroking me hard and i'm loving it.  we fuck for a while no where near how long i can usually go but now its really just starting to be painful.  i stop him and he pulls out and begins sucking me off.  he blows me for a bit, i blow him the best i can.  he asks if we can fuck again i say i just can't i'm sorry he's cool with it.  he lies me on my back and spreads my legs.  he begins fingering my cunt, i move his finger up so he's stroking my clit.  then he begins jerking me off.  he watches as his fingers stroke my clit, he seems fascinated, just gazes intently as i moan.  he strokes me until i cum hard, one of those eyes in the back of the head kind of cummings.

then we lay back and rest.  i believe at some point we both dozed off.  i woke up to feel his fingers tweaking my nipples and his hard cock rubbing against my ass.  i moan and grind back.  he still has not cum so i grab some lube and jerk him off.  he's hard as a rock and i wish i could fuck him more but i know that i'm already sore as hell.  i hand job him for a while, my hand looks so tiny around his cock.  then i kneel between his legs and suck his balls.  he reaches down and replaces my hand on his cock with his.  strokes himself while i lick at his hairy sacks til he cums - shooting all over.

we both lie back to rest.   we start chatting.  i'm his first trans guy.  he talk about how it doesn't matter, girls or guys, its all the same problem very few people can take his cock.  i feel bad for him.  i mean i'm not surprised, i don't think i've ever even seen a dildo that thick. again i am not at all exaggerating.  we cuddle and chat a bit more and i realize its 4am.  folks who follow this blog know i don't like to stay the nite so i tell him i gotta go, clean myself up and bid him farewell. 

Saturday, September 17, 2011

limp dick

I've been meaning to write about this encounter for a while so apologies as i don't remember all the details.   i don't remember how this dude and i connected - Manhunt, Adam4Adam, craigslist - who knows.  Gay guy, never fucked a pussy before, really wants to hook up with a transguy, very cute.  We had been corresponding for a while but unable to hook up due to both our living situations.  we finally set a date.  I head over one friday night, he lives in the gay section of town.  he is also very discreet, won't exchange numbers only email.

get to his place, nice place, small, turns out he's a med student crashing with his brother who just happens to be out of town.  he is as cute in person as his pics, skinny, tall white guy.  we sit on his couch chatting for a bit.  he admits he is very nervous.

he says i look kind of like demi moore in GI Jane.  OK this is a bad sign and that comparison is far from reality....  however after saying that he leans over and kisses me.  we start making out.  its very hot.  i'm horny.

i forgive him the demi moore comment.  i can feel his hard on through his jeans.  we take off our shirts and continue kissing and grinding.  i unbutton his pants, pull out his cock and suck him off.

he says lets go to the bedroom so i follow him in.  i suck him off some more.  then i hand him a condom.  he slips it on and pushes into me however soon after he goes soft.  he pulls out and i suck him off some more however he is still soft.  he apologizes says he's just so nervous.

so for the next seems like hour but i think it was more like half an hour he and i try to get him hard.

i'm patient but this is not fun and i'm starting to have feelings of insecurity i.e. is it me, type of feelings.  at some point i'm thinking should i just leave.  this is ridiculous.  after what seems like forever he finally gets it up.  he fucks me from behind - lasts about ten minutes...  i get up, put my clothes back on and bid him good bye. 

this perhaps was not a good use of my time

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


so folks who follow this blog know that i don't like to write about my regulars. just a thing i have.  however last nights fuck session was so hot i have to write about it.

so this dude and i used to hook up pretty regularly, we like each other as people and have hot, fun together.  he's white, a tall, meaty guy.  not muscular, not a bear.  just a big tall dude.  and he's very cute, in that nice, smiling guy kind of way and he is a bit of a queen - all of which i luv.  he's a well off guy, in finance or something.  he's familiar with trans folks.

so for one reason or another we had not hooked up for i would say nearly six months.  we finally arranged to meet at his 'summer place' - no one in my life has a 'summer place'.  i wanted a hook up but wasn't expecting anything mind blowing.

i get to his 'summer place', he pours me a drink.  we chat for a few minutes then get straight to it.  i straddle him as we kiss and make out.  we're both moaning as we grind and kiss.  i pull off his shirt and take off mine.  he immediately starts sucking my nipples, which we have mutual luv for.  he has humongous hands and wraps them around my torso as we kiss - he can almost wrap his hands around my entire body  - i feel so small in comparison - which turns me on

i reach down and feel that he's already hard.  i stroke his cock through his shorts.  i bend down and take him into my mouth.  i had forgotten how big he is.  i blow him for a while, he groans as i stroke him, then he picks me up and turns me onto my back.  he lies on top of me and kisses me as he rubs his cock against my clit.   i really wanna fuck so i push him off and reach for a condom, but he spreads my legs and wraps his lips around my clit.  i moan as he goes at me.  now i really wanna fuck so i stop him and push him onto his back.  i grab a condom and slowly guide his cock into me.  i haven't been fucked in a bit so i'm tight and he's big so i take my time, taking him in slowly.  then he's all the way in me and i ride him.

i remember that he can last a long time so i take my time with him.  i ride him slow, i like to feel every inch, and he feels incredible, stretching me and taking me deep until i cum clutching him tightly to me.  oh yeah, he says.  then he simply says 'more'.  i remember now how he likes to make me cum multiple times.   its a real turn on for him.  and i never turn that down.  so i keep riding him until i cum again.

'more' he says and turns me onto my back.  fucks me missionary style til i cum its warm in the room and we are both drenched in sweat however he's dripping sweat all over me (which i don't like) so i push him back onto his back and mount him.  i lose track of how many times i cum, he keeps saying 'more' in this sexy voice but i know i can't do much more so i begin stroking him to make him cum, slow at first, clenching my walls around his cock on each upward stroke, milking him as i ride him, he moans, i fuck him harder and faster, clenching myself around his cock, he's moaning yes, oh yeah, and his body arches up as he cums, but i keep riding him, sucking out every bit.

then we lie back and rest and chat.  he starts talking lgbt politics.  he's a liberal guy, not progressive but liberal.  however i want him to stop talking.  i have very strong, leftist leaning political views and have lots of thoughts about the current state of lgbt politics, much of it based in my understanding of the inherent racism, sexism, classism, transphobia, ableism, xenophobia, and ageism of the lgbt political world.  and i'm here to fuck and chat some - i'm not here to get in a political debate.  so while he clearly wants to talk politics i change the subject.

we start talking gender and attraction and he say's 'i like a little change now and then' with a smile and begins kissing me and stroking my clit with his fingers.  i wrap my hand around his cock and he's starting to get hard again.  we fuck some more til i start to get sore.  he tells me to sit on his face and sucks me off as he jerks himself off.

then we both must have fallen asleep.  i wake up and realize its 230 am and i need to work the next day. i've been there over for five hours.  i get up and clean off a bit.  he's asleep so i lean over and kiss him good bye, he says sleepily 'i guess your leaving' - cute, i say yeah babe, gotta work tomorrow, he kisses me again and i slip out the door.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

human connection

I was thinking about this interesting hook up I did yesterday. It was one of those spur of the moment kind of things. I had been logging into my sites on and off all day between errands, etc. it had been a slow unproductive day. I had just finished making some food and decided to log in again. All of a sudden a bunch of guys hit me up. One in particular was interesting. He was local (folks following this blog know my issue) and definitely had that typical gay boy hotness going - white boy, tall, cut but not beefy, very cute - he also had some nice tats and a few piercings - all of which are favs of mine. So I sent my usual response. He said all good to me, never done it before, but into it. I said, cool what yuh looking for? He said just looking to have some fun. I said fun is always cool. We arranged to meet in half an hour.

So normally I go into more detail i.e. what i do and don't do, but sometimes for quick things and this seemed like a quick thing i don't

So I head over, he's as cute in person, incredibly hot actually. We chat for about 5 minutes then we start kissing. We kiss and make out for a while then he leads me to his room. We kiss and make out and grind for a really long time, this amount of making out is cool with me but after a while I start to wonder what’s going on, he doesn't seem nervous or anything like that, so i just take the lead and reach down and unbutton his pants, he reaches for mine and we strip. 

I kneel in front of him and take his cock into my mouth. i suck him off for a while, then he reaches down and pulls me up on top of him. we kiss and make out and grind against each other. then he flips me on my back and sucks my nipples. he asks if anything is off limits. nice guy. I say i just don't usually do anal anything else is fair game. then he reaches down and begins playing with my clit and sucking my nipples at the same time. i luv nipple play. then he moves down and tongues the inside of my thighs before moving in to suck my clit. he is really, really good. he plunges his fingers into me and sucks my clit. hot.

however, i want his cock. i push him onto his back and we kiss and grind, i rub my head against his, he moans, he's very hard. i ask if he has a condom. he grabs one and slips it on. i mount him, but realize he's gone soft. i ask him if he wants me to suck him off some more he says yeah. then he pulls me up and we kiss and grind, he says i should cum if i want, i say ok and get myself off grinding my clit against him. then he lays back and jerks himself off while we kiss.

at this point i'm feeling unsure about this hook up and wondering how long i should stay before i leave when he drapes his leg over mine and starts to chat. we chat about our lives, where we are from, what we like to do, the gay scene, he asks me questions about my transition which i'm fine with - he also asks first if its ok to ask. we chat for at least an hour. at one point he pulls me closer to him and we cuddle as we chat. the chat is good, but there are definitely a few awkward silences. I like him, but its not the immediate vibe i've gotten with some of my hookups where we just hit it off from the get.

i tell him i should probably head out, then he says 'oh, i was wondering if you want to do it again'. i debate and decide to go for it. we kiss, make out, he sucks me off, and he's really hard so i ask again if he has a condom, he says yeah, he says its embarassing but i get real nervous with condoms, he says don't get me wrong i really want to... i say no worries man. he says and i'm not going to ask you to do that (meaning fuck raw). so i cum again from grinding against him and he jerks off while we make out.

then i say ok, i really gotta go this time. i clean up and head out.

i was thinking about this hook up afterwards. i mean this guy is incredibly stereotypically gay boy hot - i am sure he can walk into any gay bar and gets immediate attention, i am sure he has no problem hooking up with people whether it is online or at the local gay bar. he seemed like he had his shit together - yuh know you can pretty much tell when someone is in a good or at least ok place in their life and when they are at a pretty bad one (no judgement - we all have hard times in our lives).

what i realized is that i think he really just wanted some human contact, to have some real conversation and cuddle and kiss and feel each others bodies. getting off was secondary.

i've been trying to figure out why this was so suprising to me.

i've hooked up or chatted with other guys like that before but it was always guys who i could see how they have a hard time dating or hooking up or whatever because they don't meet society's fucked up standards of beauty or they just seem like they are not in a good place in their life. but this guy was the epitome of gay boy beauty in society's eyes and really seemed to have his shit together.

i guess it just made me pause and reflect some on the need we all have for meaningful human connection and how rare and difficult it is to find. So difficult in fact that we find it where ever we can get it even in the world of online fucking and anonymous play.

Friday, August 26, 2011

more on motel fucking

so i realize that this was a risky hook up.  just want to say that from the get.  my best friend was not happy i did this.  however i've been a little bored lately and that boredom has caused my judgement to decrease....

due to work it had been six days since i had been fucked.  there was one fuck session in those six days but i don't count it because it was just ok - one of my regulars who has gotten less hot and fun lately, definitely gonna downgrade him on my list.

i had made plans the night before with "racist guy".  yeah i know why am i fucking someone who i refer to as "racist guy" however he is a really hot fuck.  so racist guy cancelled on me and we rescheduled for tonite.  got a text from him midway through the day saying he needed to cancel again.  annoying.  i have one or two regulars that are flaky and i put up with it because a) they are hot, b)  they are hot fucks, c) i like them as people despite their flakiness.  racist guy is just a hot fuck and convenient and usually available so i'm not willing to put up with flakiness.  sorry, i digress, not the point of this post

so clearly i am horny as hell.  

i had posted an ad on craigslist a few weeks ago.   not something i usually do as craigslist can be a bit of work and i'm lazy.  however i was bored.  i got two interesting hits - neither of which could host.  i prefer to travel.  but this one dude and i had been texting pretty regularly for a few weeks trying to arrange something.  hot texts.  he's a dom top which for those who follow this blog know is one of my weaknesses.

so i text him to see if he's free.  he is but not till kind of late and its the middle of the week.  however as i said i'm horny as hell and i'm not feeling like any of my regulars. 

the other thing is if we are gonna fuck we are gonna have to get a motel room.  i've done a motel room fuck before and its not so much my thing.... however this dude has got me curious and as i said before i'm horny as hell. 

so i say ok.  lets do it.

i'm nervous about this hook up.  usually i don't get nervous anymore however the combination of late night, motel, part of town i'm unfamiliar with, and the fact that he's gonna pick me up in his car at the bus stop and drive us to the motel all are making me a little nervous - ok more than a little nervous. 

but i want it.  so i make sure i have enough cash for a cab if needed, text my safety bud the hook up info, and head out. 

he picks me up at the bus stop.  he's attractive, has that roughneck look and vibe.  we're chatting on the ride over to the motel.  the vibes cool.  he's never fucked a trans guy before but has fucked trans women.  he asks if i've hooked up in a motel before, i say yeah and i wasn't so into it.  he said well maybe after tonite you'll change your mind. 

we get to the motel.  its clearly a hook up motel.  he tells me to get a room and he'll give me cash for half and to text him the room number and he'll meet me in the room.  this dude is very dl

the last time i did a motel hook up the dude paid, but the motel owner made me show ID cuz he thought i looked too young....  so i'm nervous getting the room.  however i get a room for a few hours, no ID needed at this place.

i text him the room number.  he comes into the room and turns on the tube.  there is porn on the tube.  lol.  this place is clear about what's its used for.

we strip.  he's hard, smaller than i expected but that doesn't matter to me tonite.  he tells me to suck his cock.  i take him into my mouth, blow him for a while, he face fucks me hard and rough, but i need to get fucked and i tell him so.  he grabs a condom and plows into me.  fucks me hard - which is how i like it.  the room has a whole wall of mirrors so i watch as he fucks me.  he pounds me pushing my legs over my head, holding me down, slaps me around a bit.  hot. then pulls out and cums on my face.

there is an element of danger to this that keeps me a little on guard and not totally relaxed, like i don't know this dude and something about being in a motel makes me feel more nervous.

we both rinse off.  then he says ok, lets go.  i say, really?  Your only going to fuck me once?  He says ok, suck my cock.  i blow him for a bit, he's hard again.  I say fuck me.  He says no, suck my cock, do as i say.  Hot.  I suck him off some more then say again "fuck me".  He says no.  I suck his cock some more.  Then i ask again, "please fuck me".  He responds by slipping on a condom picking me up and slamming his cock into me. 

I ride him for a while then he turns me around and pushes into my ass.  He holds me down and pushes my head into the bed as he rides my ass, i'm moaning and grunting, rubbing my clit as he pounds me.  He's pushing my face into the bed, he's much stronger than i am, its hot, however there's a moment when i think what if i want him to stop and he doesn't, i realize my vulnerability in these moments, however when i push back he lets me up, I turn around, pull off the condom and grab a new one.

i say i want you in my cunt.  he slides into me, fucks me hard and rough, pushes my legs up over my head, pounding into me, i'm watching him fuck me in the mirror.  so hot.  he pulls out and cums all over me.

he gets up and hops in the shower.  when he's done i do the same.  now i'm starting to feel nervous again, what if he just takes off and leaves me in this random ass place.  however he doesn't.  i drop the key off and he picks me up outside.  we chat as he drives me to the bus stop.  he asks if i fuck alot of girls.  i say have in the past but now mostly dudes.  i ask if he does.  he says yeah with a grin.  he runs a bar so he says he gets alot of offers.  i feel like we are having some convoluded, sexist, male bonding type of moment.

he drops me at the bus stop, i have to ask him to give me half the money for the motel room, but he does without trouble.  i hop on the bus and trek home.

Friday, August 12, 2011

daddy bear

while i have alot of luv for bears and would do one now and again (my sunday afternoon bear) i would always say that bears were not my ideal cup of tea.  however who i find hot shifts and changes over time.  lately i have had a huge thing for bears, daddy bears to be specific.  i always have luv for a hot daddy, and every now and again get a craving for a sexy bear, but a daddy bear, that's new for me. 
however, i had not been able to arrange a hook up with one.  this guy and i had been chatting on and off.  total daddy bear (that is how he self identifies) but he is not so attractive to me.  so i know this is not right, but he does however have a beautiful cock, thick with a huge head, its just so hot.  i asked my best friend is it wrong to hook up with this dude just because of his cock, he said, of course not, go for it.

its funny i was talking to a hook up recently, hot sexy dark skinned dude (gonna write a piece about him soon), swapping stories, which i luv to do, and i told him there is this one dude i hookup with who is not attractive to me however he has an amazing cock, i say thats wrong huh, the hookups says, 'nah man, u find a cock u like stick to it'.  

so we arrange to meet up.  i get to his place and on first glance he's not attractive to me.  white guy, all bear, medium height, dark hair, ok looking, i prefer my bears big and tall when i do a bear.  but i'm there so as usual i'm like what the hell.  we chat a little.  he's a wealthy bear, fancy apartment.

we go to his bedroom and start kissing and making out.  i'm his first trans guy, he is gay, just fucks non trans dudes, so i think we are both a little unsure, however he says 'wow, ur hot, way hotter than ur pics' as he kisses me and plays with my nipples.  i'm getting very turned on.  there is something about this dude that is really getting me going.

i pull off my shirt and he wraps his lips around one of my nipples.  i reach down and stroke his cock though his boxers.  he is very hard.  i pull of his boxers and take his cock into my mouth.  he really does have an amazing cock.  incredibly thick with a humongous head.  its beautiful.  i really have never seen a head that big - i luv it.  i luv just sucking the head, my lips sliding over its beautiful smoothness, really, i could do that all night.  i blow him for a bit but i really want him inside me. 

condom i say, he really is quite sizable so i'm wondering what kind of condoms he uses (magnum xl), he grabs one and slides it on.  i lube him up substantially as he is very thick and i tell him to go slow as he pushes his cock inside me. its fucking amazing.  i have never fucked a guy with such a thick head and it feels incredible - like he's hitting all the right places.  he fucks me for a while.  he likes to be on top (which i prefer).  he spreads my legs, pushes his thick head in and out of my cunt, stroking me, long full strokes, so i feel all of him, every inch, it feels so fucking amazing.  i'm getting turned on as i'm writing this.

and every now and then as we are fucking he says "are you daddy's boy?" and between my moans and writhing i manage a nod or a yes.  

then he says he needs to take a break.  pulls out and lies on his side.  reaches down and plays with my clit while he wraps his lips around a nipple.  he really knows what he's doing.  i can't believe he just fucks non trans guys.  he's stroking my clit just perfectly.  so hot.  i cum a couple times.  i'm so turned on.  i grab  a condom and slide on top of him.  i ride him, feeling his cock stretching me, he turns me onto my back and plunges his cock into me, fucks me hard and fast, pushes my legs over my head, says he's getting close, pulls out and pushes my head towards his cock.

i pull off the condom and wrap my lips around him, teasing his balls with my fingers, he groans, as i slide him down my throat, stroking his cock with my lips, he says "good boy, ur daddy's boy", i feel him start to cum and pull back as i don't want him to cum down my throat and i take him in my mouth, milking his cock (i don't usually let hookups cum in my mouth - just got a bit carried away...). 

then we cuddle and rest for a while.  i run my fingers up and down his chest, he's very hairy, not usually my thing, however this guy really gets me going.  we start kissing again and i can feel that he's hard.  i take him into my mouth and stroke his beautiful cock.  fuck me - i say.  he say's 'i don't know if i can do it again but we can try, you've got me going again'.  he slips on a condom and pushes inside me.  fucks me missionary style, i raise my hips to meet each stroke, he moans, we fuck frantically, hard and fast and i can feel myself cumming, i groan and grab onto him as i cum.  he pulls out and i lie back exhausted.

he doesn't cum but i'm too tired to care and i figure if he wanted to he would (i sometimes feel self conscious about if a dude cums or not, like if he doesn't that its because of me or something which is clearly bullshit and my own shit, so i try not to feel that way and remind myself that if a dude wants to cum he pretty much across the board most definitely will...). 

typical daddy he asks if i'm hungry, says i can stay the night if i want.  i almost never stay the night at a hook ups place, just a thing i have.  however i am tempted, but i can't i don't have a change of clothes or anything and i need to work the next day.  so we cuddle for a bit more and i don't want to leave but i know i should so i clean up, grab my shit and kiss him as i walk out the door.

new luv for the moment - daddy bears

Friday, August 5, 2011

Reflections on my year of fucking around

Sitting at my desk at work today (procrastinating), I started to reflect on what a surprise this year is turning out to be. My co-blogger and I comment on this from time to time. Early last year, I never would have foreseen this sexual bent to my life - the explorations of hook up sites and anonymous sex. Many people in my everyday life would probably be shocked to learn of what I do when I'm not hunched over a computer or facilitating a workshop. In fact, maintaining this double existence (and let's be real, it is a double existence) can be quite taxing. When people at work share their dating stories, I'm usually mum. The most I can offer is, "yes I did have a date last night and it was...nice." Instead of moving on to the next topic, they become even more intrigued and unsuccessfully try to get more information out of me. Over time I've discovered that my vague responses have the opposite effect: they just bring on more questions.

Not that I feel ashamed of what I do on my free time. There just never seems to be the right time to say to your co-workers, "oh last night? I met some dude off the internet. We fucked in his apartment and then I had to scurry out of there before his roommates got home." Maybe this just means I'm not super close to my coworkers. After all, a few of my good friends know. 1 or 2 actually read our blog. But I don't talk about my sex life at work and maintaining this double life is certainly the least enjoyable part of this journey, especially when I want to do the complete opposite. I actually do want to talk about my sex life every chance I get. I do want to find out how other people feel about sex, what they enjoy the most, what they're not into, and what they secretly want to try but feel too shy or ashamed to mention (feel free to share your responses to these questions in the comments section!) I want to be able to share how allowing myself to enjoy sex, without being limited by guilt or shame, has unveiled this whole new me that can appreciate the beautiful imperfection known as my body.

For years I internalized messages that told me I was ugly because I am black, have a wide nose, big lips, etc. Now I can look in the mirror and know that my nose looks like my mother's nose and hers, in turn, looks like her mother's, and so on. I can cherish my lips because my father had these same lips. In fact, my face is a manifestation of the interplay between numerous genetic and cultural legacies. I did these histories a huge disservice by buying into those messages that equate blackness or trans-ness or queer-ness with "undesirable". My salvation hasn't been sex per se. I'm not saying that you should go fuck around so that you can feel good about yourself. I'm merely pointing out that, taking control of my sexuality and my body, not allowing them to be defined for me, was my saving grace.

I also don't want to give the wrong impression that I walk around always feeling good and happy about life. There are certainly days when I feel heavy. I wish I didn't have to live paycheck to paycheck. I would love to just meet someone and not have to do a trans 101 discussion. I would love to not have to encounter the particular type of racism black men face. On the train the other day this white woman took one look at me and, rather than take the empty seat beside me, chose to squeeze into another already teeming with bodies. I want to be able to tell her I'm not the monster society has concocted and stamped into her subconscious. And I would most definitely love the stares to stop. God, how I want those damn stares to go away. Sometimes that shit can just weigh you down. There are still a lot of these moments…

But all in all, fucking around for the past year has been an incredibly rich and multifaceted ride and through it all I can be thankful that I feel alive, in more than one sense of the word.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

transfags of color are not "at risk"

so i just had some amazingly hot sex with this hot, sexy dude, guy of color, a bit of a cub, but that's for another piece...  our last post didn't have alot of fucking and neither does this one so I included links to some older fuck pieces for those who require them : )

part of all this anonymous play for me is a commitment to getting tested regularly. i prefer to get tested for hiv and stds every three months, but definitely at least every 6 months.

so it had been six months since i last got tested. the last time i got tested i went in because i had this sore throat that would not go away, figured i had strep or something. my regular doctor was not available so i had to see someone else. He took one look at me and asked if i've been having unprotected sex. I assume what he saw is a young, non trans gay boy of color (in my experience doctors rarely read charts, I can't count the number of times i've had to tell a doctor or nurse that i do not have a dick - at least as they think about it), i said i always use condoms except for oral, which was true at the time. he asked if its with one person or multiple. i say multiple - my army guy, beautiful boy , hometown play - to name a few. 

at which point he proceeded to test me AND treat me for every possible std, had me do a PCR HIV test which can tell if you've contracted HIV much sooner than the rapid tests, sent me to counseling for HIV testing, and told me he hoped that i keep using condoms so i don't turn up with HIV.  I appreciate getting tested but didn't appreciate the stigma and profiling and i don't like to get treated for things i don't actually have... 

anyways, turns out it was just a bad sore throat...

so in contrast, this time around i made an appointment for an HIV test and was scheduled to see an HIV counselor. I was really stressed out and nervous about it. I've been playing alot and usually play safe but i had on a few occasions recently been fucking raw (transfag barebacking).  mostly with guys who say that they are negative and whom i've known for a while, but many people who have hiv don't know it and condoms are not 100% and there is some risk with unprotected oral also... so generally being an anxious person, i was stressed out and worried for a while before my appointment and for a while after.

so i'm talking to the hiv counselor, she's fine, asks me how i identify as far as gender and sexuality, then she asks me the usual straight forward questions i.e. what type of sex, do you know the person's status, etc. all fine.

she does tell me that i shouldn't worry though, that its pretty unlikely that i will test positive, she actually says this repeatedly, which i though was an interesting thing for her to do.  

she sends me for a PCR test. as i'm walking to the lab i look down at the form. there are a number of risk categories. IV drug user, sex with someone positive, etc. the first risk category is men who have sex with men. She checked "no".

so i think what the fuck. i told you i'm a trans guy who's there cuz i let a non trans guy fuck me without a condom. the only difference between me and a non trans gay guy is the hole i let this particular guy put his dick. 

if i give her the benefit of the doubt i would say maybe it has something to do with the state and that my gender in the system is female and that i am sure state funding pays for the test - however this does not make it any better.

if i don't give the counselor the benefit of the doubt then i can assume that her understanding of trans communities is low and that when she asked me who i have sex with and i answered primarily men she took that to mean in some convoluded way that i am a straight woman (though non trans women of color who have sex with non trans men have the highest growing rates of hiv).

when i am read by doctors and nurses as a non trans, young, gay boy of color, not always, but most often i feel stigmatized, lectured, judged, condescended.  i'm not sure how to describe it fully but there is this hyper extremeness to the interaction, like they are sure i have an std, that i'm unsafe and irresponsible and they need to test and treat me as soon as possible.  this is very much about my perceived age, gender, sexuality and race.   the racism is very thick in these interactions with white health care providers.  people of color are seen as unclean, infected, unintelligent.  

i admit that i've made mistakes and there are times i've taken risks that i wish i had not however being judged and treated like an irresponsible walking risk do not help me to make better decisions.  

on the flipside when it is known that i am trans on the female to male spectrum i am seen as extremely low risk.  to the point where they won't test me, i am continually told that i am low risk and don't need to worry about it, and i have to insist on testing.  these encounters are very much about misconceptions of my gender and sexuality but also very much about racism and sexism.  women of color are seen as hypersensitive, emotional, less intelligent.  its hard enough to go into get tested, knowing i may need to fight for it does not make it any easier.  and to be honest sometimes i give into my self doubt and internalized oppressions and i don't fight. 

non trans gay men of color, particularly young gay men of color, still have the highest rates of HIV.  all us trans fags and genderqueers of color playing with all the same cocks and asses as other gays boys with all the same pressures and 'risk factors' plus a few more, yet we are not 'at risk'

the implications of this worry and depress me

this also got me thinking about the complicated, messiness of sex and the choices i make every day as a sexual being that put me at risk and if its worth all the profiling, stress, risk and anxiety.

playing for me is empowering - its empowering as a queer trans person to navigate sex with non trans guys, to be able to get what I want out of a fuck, to have people desire me, to know that my body is hot, and to feel sexy and confident in my body. And of course i just like sex.

all of which is clearly good for my well being maybe equally as much as the risk is harmful
so i continue to play and to be as safe as i can and to sometimes make mistakes and to own them as my own and to get tested and be anxious and just live with all the messy complicatedness of anonymous sex and fucking as a queer trans guy of color

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Power and Fucking

I'm in a bit of a rut. I haven't fucked in a while and, in between bouts of frantic masturbation, this dry spell is making me think about shit. Deep shit like my role during sex and how I'm such a bottom these days. Every once in a while though I surprise the hell out of myself. Once not too long ago I was fucking this guy, just doggying him hard and it was so hot seeing my new black 7incher disappearing into his round dark-chocolate ass. Every now and then he'd mutter "Yea...get it boy," and gasp as I fucked him deeper in response. When I was on top, our eyes would lock from time to time. Right before he came, his mouth dropped open and his eyelids floated close. I felt really powerful in that moment and it was dizzying. I looked at the prone figure beneath me and this wave of possessiveness washed over me. I'm thinking this mutha is mine. At the back of my mind I'm wondering where is all this coming from? It was an interesting moment, especially because honestly I'm more turned on by a dude dominating the shit out of me. I like big dudes because compared to them I'm just this little guy and there's a power element there that I find erotic as hell.

This gets me thinking about concepts like "masculinity", "dominant", "submissive", "top", "bottom" and the role they play in my sexual practices. Masculinity as I've experienced and observed it has multiple meanings depending on the context. With guys I fuck, masculinity tends to look like muscles, hairiness, big and imposing stature, bulky, taking up a lot of space. Emotionally/behaviorally, for a lot of these dudes, masculinity also means aggressiveness, pushiness, take control, protector, etc. In other word, as I've observed in the gayboy NSA scene, the cornerstone of the masculine persona is the desire to exert power or to control. This is how society constantly tells us to define and express masculinity, but is there another way to look at this construct? Is there truly a masculine persona? If so, what should it look and feel like? How does this impact sexuality and desire? And for people like me who are sexually attracted to masculine expressions, what exactly are we drawn to?

It's really interesting when class, gender expression and sexual desire intersect. Certain personality types when encased in a masculine body turn me the fuck on: protector types, alpha male types, aggressive and charismatic types. Working class guys have also always done it for me. I'm not fully sure why, perhaps it's because we end up having very similar experiences around class. I'm definitely a working class queer. I hold down multiple jobs, yet barely make enough to get by. This type of life demands a certain level of mental, emotional and even physical strength. Is it a brand of strength that society associates solely with masculinity rather than femininity? If so, does this explain why working class men, much like black men, are often characterized as hyper-masculine? (An aside - a friend and I were talking about how, historically, working-class cultures have been more supportive of, and safer for, the expression of "butchness". Though we were talking more about working-class women and "stone butches", but I wonder how this applies to other genders.) 

The term top, in my experience, can describe how a dude likes to fuck. One top I hooked up with explained "I'm a top because I hate pain. No one is sticking anything up there." To me this is solely a mechanics thing. In other situations however, it refers to power and who wields it during sex. One night, around 2 or 3am, I met up with this guy I'd been messaging on a4a for a minute. And this dude could fuck. (Expect a post on this soon.)
"I just am!" He said vehemently after I asked him to explain what being a top meant, because he most definitely was one.
"I don't get fucked. I fuck."
He said this with such authority and power and, I won't lie, that was what turned me on so much about him: the way he just oozed power. In my life as a "professional queer activist" (i.e. my day job), I call guys like this on their oppressive shit all the time. However, at night I like them to fuck the shit out of me. Go figure.

Whatever the reasons, I like being fucked. I like dudes who are aggressive and can exert control and power in bed. I like being told what to do. When I first started fucking men I was ashamed to admit these desires. I thought if I bottomed with men then somehow they wouldn't see me as a dude as they were fucking me. Other times I was afraid I'd seem powerless. There's socialization for you. Even now as I write this I'm struck by how far back in my history this fear stretches. Even pre-transition when I still lived and identified as a lesbian of color, I never wanted to be seen as a bottom. Does this fear come from my youth?

In my preteen years, people said I was a tomboy because to them I was a girl who liked to mimic boys. Thanks to the twisted and interconnected nature of sexism, homophobia & transphobia, there was already this unsaid expectation that I'd end up being with girls. That I'd be a pariah was certain; the only question was what freakishly perverse sexuality would be the cause. As I hit my teens, sex and desire came into the picture, throwing a wrench into the blissful ignorance that was my life. For some reason there were so many good looking guys around me ("trans" wasn't even part of my lexicon). At night I'd fantasize about them fucking me. This was the first indication that I had a very complicated sexuality, made even more complex by the gender stuff I was grappling with.

There were no models of trans/cis guy relationships or blogs on trans sexuality. All I had was porn and in almost every porn I watched back then, the dude always had a dick which he used to fuck, and the woman always got fucked. All she did was lay there and make fake sounds. Through my fantasies I already knew bottoming was somehow in the cards for me, but I didn't want to be this kind of bottom. I wanted to be far more engaged than that, but what was my gender? Am I a man? If I'm a man, shouldn't I want to be with woman? Shouldn't I be seeing myself as a top? These questions plagued me all through my teen years and through my lesbian years before I transitioned. Even today, after many years of "living the life", after spending innumerably hours of therapy, I'm still trying to both understand my body and resist society's expectations for it.

Friday, July 15, 2011

my first threesome

our last post was analytical and thought provoking.  this post is just a fuck piece.  

i have been wanting to do a threesome for a while.  i've done back to back hook ups before (a tale of two cocks) but never done group.  i've had a few offers but nothing too inspiring and/or nothing that has panned out.

i had been chatting with this dude for a bit on one of the sites.  big guy of color.  lately i've had a major thing for big guys.  only thing is he can't host and neither can i.  so one night we're chatting and he asked if i'd be up for a threesome.  he said he has a friend who can host.  nice.  i say cool i'm up for it but to be honest i've never done one before.  he says no problem, we'll show you the ropes.  he sends me a pic of his friend, cute, athletic, tallish white guy.  so he says he'll let me know and we can try for the next day. i kind of feel like its not going to happen.  however he hits me up midway through the day and says its on.   after some additional messaging around hiv/std status, etc. and me making sure his friend is trans friendly, we arrange a place to meet. 

cool.  so i'm a little nervous about it, my first threesome and all.

the big dude and i meet up at a diner.  he's cute, nice guy.  we are chatting over coffee a little waiting for his friend to be ready.  usual random small talk.  i ask about his friend.  he says they have known each other for about 3 years and hook up pretty regularly.

he leans in a little and says with no effort to lower his voice, 'you are so hot, i want to fuck you right here, bend you over that table over there and slip my cock into you'.  hot, however its the middle of the afternoon at a small quiet diner and i'm a little self conscious.  sometimes believe it or not i can be a major prude.  he says 'can we fuck all your holes'.  i say yeah.  He licks his lips, leans in again and says, 'we are gonna ravage you, fuck the hell out of you'.  i look around, i'm still feeling a little self conscious as it is very quiet in the diner, but whatever.  finally his friend texts and says to come over so we head out.

we get to his friends place and step into the elevator, immediately he grabs me, pulls me towards him, he slips his tongue into my mouth, plays with my nipples, i reach down and stroke his cock, we make out hard and steady.  i'm hard as hell by the time the elevator doors open.

the friend lets us in to his apartment.  really nice place.  I drop my bag and search for my supplies.  big dude and his friend are making random chit chat in the dining room.  supplies found i join them.  big guy says, 'so what do you think?  sexy right.  i can't wait to fuck her', (cringe), i quickly say "him".  the friend who i am liking more than big guy says in this majorly sexy stoner voice, "yeah man, get it right, he's clearly a cute boy.  i can't wait to fuck him" as he runs his hands over my body.  big guy, getting it, says, "yeah, lets fuck all his holes, fucking ravage him".  

the friend begins playing with my nipples, i pull off his shirt and lick his chest.  as we kiss, lick, stroke and disrobe.  the two dudes keep talking about me to each other.  the friend keeps saying stuff like, 'oh i love this boy, look at his muscles, he looks just like one of my students', big dude laughs, 'hot right, i can't wait to get my cock inside him'.  the friend, 'this is the best boy you have brought me'.  i luv it.  i am not verbal, however i really like it when other people are. 

i drop to my knees and take big dudes cock in my mouth.  the friend, 'look at that he just drops right down like a good boy, so hungry'.  i go at big dude for a bit then turn around and go at the friend.  we go into his living room.  the friend sits back on a chair.  i kneel between his legs and suck his cock.  big dude stands behind me, 'spread your legs boy, let me see you'.  he reaches down and plays with my clit, sticks his fingers in my pussy stroking me.

then its big dudes turn, he's sitting on a recliner, i bend over sucking his cock, my legs spread wide.  the friend comes up behind me, his cock hard as a rock, i'm tight so it takes him a minute to get inside my cunt but then he's stroking me, each stroke pushing big guy's cock further down my throat.  

and the whole time both of them keep saying things like, 'i love this boy', 'this boy is so cute', 'look at him take that cock', 'this boy has me so hard', 'we need to take a picture of this its so hot'. its a non stop dialogue about fucking me that they keep up during the entire fuck session, its incredibly hot and ego boosting - lol. 

we fuck in a multitude of different positions.  can't go into all of them as that would take a while but here are my favs.

1)  i am sitting on the couch, laid back my legs spread.  the friend is on his knees between my legs fucking my pussy, big guy is sitting on my chest alternating between face fucking me and making me suck his balls. 

2)  i am straddling the friend, riding him, big guy comes up behind and sticks his cock up my ass, i've never dped before, its very hot to have two cocks inside me like that, however big guy is somewhat small so its hard for him to stay in my ass, unfortunately...

3)  i'm lying on my back, big guy is fingering my clit while the friend is playing with my nipples.  big guy says, 'look at his little cock', the friend says, 'yes, its so sensitive' as i moan and writhe around. (interesting these dudes got it without instruction, i didn't tell them to call my clit a cock and i actually don't care if they call it a clit, but cool they figured it out)

so big guy climbs on top of me and fucks me missionary, shooting inside me (condom of course) while the friend watches.  the friend asks if i want to shower, i nod.  to me that's a sign he's telling us to go. the race dynamics of this hook up are at the back of my mind, i mean don't get me wrong its all very hot and fun, however i'm very aware that part of the reason we are fucking in this white dudes fancy apartment is because us two brown boys don't have another place to fuck...

despite all the activity its been a pretty short session.  the friend hasn't cum yet, i start to wonder if he's not to into (clearly my own insecurities), but whatever i figure if he wanted to cum he would.  turns out the friend has to be somewhere soon. 

we all shower.  as i'm getting dressed they still keep talking about me, really the entire time they've kept this running dialogue about me and i have barely said a word.  i love it.

i pull on my boxers and big dude kisses me and plays with my nipples for a bit.  i slip on my shirt and the friend comes up behind me, he strokes my nipples and puts his hand on my crotch, 'this boy is so hot, i love his arms', clearly he's not in too huge a hurry, i rub my ass against his cock, i can feel he's starting to get hard again, 'this boys gonna get me going again, i luv how small he is'.  the friend wraps his arms around me and squeezes, picking me up off the ground.  he puts me down and now it is really time to leave. 

yum, threesomes

Thursday, July 7, 2011

"The ugly" or "Is objectification ever okay?"

So we promised to bring you the good and confusing elements of anonymous hook ups. But let's not forget "the ugly" and there is quite a bit of it in the anonymous sex scene. Some of this ugliness is about people's messed up notions on gender, bodies and how those two mingle. One time I was chillen with this one dude that I'd just fucked in every position imaginable. We were lying on my bed, all post-coital hazed out and shit, playing with his itouch (or whatever the hell, I don't know what they call these things. It played music and that's all I know). It was a real pseudo-bonding moment and I say pseudo because let's not confuse the "anonymous" portion of this equation. After a while, we started to feel almost like friends, like "let's go to the movies" type of friends. I guess that's what did it because one minute he was showing me some cool app and the next he was referring to me as a girl, rattling on and on "you're a girl, so you must know..." blah blah. I stopped listening at that point. Not long after that I showed him the door. That scenario stays with me because regardless of how "dudely" I looked, homeboy saw my crotch and could not see past or through it.

Some of the ugliness in hook up scene also stems from people's gut-wrenching longing for love and companionship. Like the time this one person tricked me into coming to see them. Yeah. You heard that right. They tricked me. I use "they" cuz I don't know how they identified. From their pictures, they were obviously a gender nonconforming male-bodied person of color, somebody I would say is part of my core community. They'd been messaging me for ages and from their messages I could tell that something was amiss. They'd email shit like "come over and be my husband" or "I want to cook for you and be your wife." ?!?!?! This melodramatic response to my humble (yet quite raunchy) Craigslist ad alarmed me, so I steered clear. Months later I get this response to another ad I posted:
"You sound so hot to me. I enjoy trans men. I'm 35, 5'10",180, good shape." The attached picture is of, what I thought to be, a cute brown man sporting a kangol hat worn backwards. He had this sweet disarming smile, which sealed the deal. A few email exchanges and texts later, I was out the door with a pocketful of condoms.

He lived in one of those rapidly gentrifying neighborhoods where poor and middle class folk live side by side and do their damndest to ignore the fuck out of each other. His building was such a weird mix of dilapidation and luxury. A working elevator with smooth maroon marble walls, spanking clean, yet his floor felt like walking into the projects. As I got to the top landing, a door opened slowly, a brown face peeked out and I had an "oh shit" moment. It was them - the one who wants to be wifey. I froze. I couldn't believe that I'd actually fallen for this shit and it'd been so easy too to get my ass out here. I looked at the mf who now stood before me. They looked nothing like the picture. I don't know whose picture they'd sent me, but it was of a completely different person. Why do people do that shit? Perhaps sensing my confusion and anger, they smiled and I kinda melted. I didn't sense any weird "I'ma kill you" vibes, so I did something stupid. I went in. Yep. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. It's one of those split second decisions that you regret as soon as you make them, but there's no turning back.

Their apartment was tiny like many apartments in this damn city, but their room within that tiny ass apartment was so small. It was jam-packed full of shit, reminding me of that show Hoarders. There was shit crammed into every corner and nook and cranny and crevice. I started taking small steps back, slowly trying to retreat out of there as inconspicuously as possible. I wasn't getting a serial killer vibe from them. On the contrary there was  only this calm air about them. Well...almost too calm. As I slowly retraced my steps, my eyes lifted from all the junk every where to the walls and ceiling of their room and that's when I saw the mural. On one wall they'd painted a brown woman, powerful stout build, large feet firmly rooted in red earth. Each wall carried powerful images. Bare-chested black men playing talking drums, strong looking women congregating, cute brown children playing, looking as innocent as all get-out.

All the art everywhere was so dizzying and I became so intrigued by this person and that's why I stayed. I'll be honest, that wasn't a smart decision. It's not something I'd recommend others who are navigating the NSA waters make. But it's the decision I made and I was lucky that it panned out. We chatted for a long time about our experiences around race, gender, sexuality. I learned that they identify as a cross dresser, but don't quite feel comfortable saying that out loud. I caught on that they were on some kind of medication, hence the too calm vibe I observed earlier. At least this is what they shared with me. Eventually, the conversation waned. I was ready to go. It'd been quite an experience chillen and bonding, but there was the trickery that brought me here in the first place and that was still weighing heavily on my mind. When they started insinuating that we fuck, I demurred and bid them a good night. The lie they'd resorted to just to get a little companionship...What if I'd been a violent asshole? What if they'd been a violent asshole? Since this incident I've tried to be more cautious by doing a pre-screening meet n' greet in a public place. I still don't do it 100% of the time, but I'm learning to trust my instincts and do it more.

These two scenarios are such perfect illustrations of the ugliness I described earlier. I hate it when sex and oppression collide. I hate it that we can't just fuck without some of this baggage rearing it's ugly head. Yeah, I know I play a role in perpetuating this ugliness. I mean I don't prowl the hook up sites looking for intellectual prowess. My choices in men are based on a number of physical attributes; I'll let you guess what those may be. All of this begs the question, is there ever room to want to fuck someone purely for how they look? I know this is a slippery slope, after all in a lot of ways "beauty" is a racialized political construct and I did a whole post on how black bodies are often seen as unattractive in the scene. But I won't lie. I get really turned on by guys who can't get enough of my body. So is wanting to fuck someone only because you find them physically hot mean you're objectifying them? Is it ever okay for objectification and sex to intersect?

Friday, July 1, 2011

cab fare

 This piece is also posted on Original Plumbing.  Check it out along with the other OP Bloggers.  TQ

so i'm having a really slow weekend.  i had tried to arrange a hook up saturday with no luck.  i'm in a mood where i don't want to travel too far so i've definitely turned down some offers but i'm feeling a bit down, why is it so hard to arrange something local... i'm also a bit bored and am looking for something new and interesting as well. 

so its sunday afternoon, i just got back from the gym and i decide to log into my sites (for those new to this blog i mean A4A and Manhunt).  i had chatted with a couple of dudes the day before but they were all further away then i was willing to travel.  one of the guys from the night before hits me up, he's attractive, not hot but attractive, white guy, medium build, and also interesting, he's been with trans guys before, seems cool, he's also a bit of daddy, i've been majorly into older daddy types these days.  however he lives very far away, so far that even if i was up to travel he would be a stretch.

all his message says is - i will pay for a cab.  i message back really?  you live very far, it could be pricey.  he said its fine.  come over.  so i consider it.

i'm not into desperate guys which to me offering to pay a pricey cab ride sounds desperate however i also get that there are people way beyond my economic class (which this guy could be he told me he recently gave up a 2nd apartment, most people i know struggle to stay in one apartment) for whom paying for a cab is no big thing.  i ask my best bud what he thinks.  he says go for it.  so i'm up for a bit of adventure.    i tell him ok, you're on.

so i shower and head out.  the cab ride is pricey and on the way i'm thinking what if i get there and he doesn't want to pay or something goes wrong, i can't afford that type of hit to my budget.  so this is all making me a little nervous on top of that the cab driver has no idea where he is going and neither do i.  the cabbie keeps asking me where i'm going and i keep saying a friends place, but i've never been there before - what am i supposed to say - i'm gonna go meet some dude i met online to fuck?

finally get to his place.  he's not hot, but attractive guy.  i am dropping my bag and getting settled.  he says here before i forget how much was the cab, i tell him and he doesn't blink, gives me enough cash for me to take a cab back  home.  i feel weird taking so much cash from him and say its too much he says, 'no, you traveled far, take it'.

so i don't like to have people pay for me like that, but at this point it is what it is and i can't afford to pay it myself.  he says, you are so cute and kisses me.  we kiss and make out.  he pulls of my shirt, sucks my nipples, the whole time he is complementing my body, 'man you are so hot', 'i luv your body', 'look at those muscles', 'you're so sexy'.

we both strip and i kneel down between his legs and suck his cock.  he's big and thick which i appreciate.

he turns me onto the bed, sucks my nipples some more, tongues my clit some, then says can we fuck.  of course, i smile.  condom?  he slips one on, i lube him up and i tell him to go slow at first as he's big.  he slides his cock slowly into me.  stroking gently until he's all the way inside me.  i groan as his cock slides into place.  he begins stroking me the full length of him sliding in and out.  i raise my hips to meet him and he fucks me harder.  pushes my legs over my head pounding me.  we fuck like this, multiple positions, nearly non stop for 3 hours.  its very hot.  i cum numerous times.

about half way through we take a break.  he's a talker.  kind of talks non stop.  he's nice and seems up on trans guys.  he asks what he can call my breasts, pussy, clit.  i say he can call them whatever he likes, that i don't care, however some trans guys do so i appreciate him asking.  he says yeah he knows and he respects whatever i want them called.  cool guy.

he's bi and plays with both boys and girls pretty equally.  he's interesting and has done alot of different things in his life.  lately i need my hook ups to be interesting in some way, i mean sex is great, but i've been getting a little bored lately and i need a little more than small talk and a fuck.  small talk and an interesting fuck or interesting talk and a good to hot fuck are all good.

so we continue to fuck, at one point he asks if he can bareback me, says he just tested neg (so many people don't know that testing neg just means you're neg as of three months ago...), i manage to not let my libido get the better of me and tell him no, he says cool no problem and proceeds to fuck me with condom until i just can't take it anymore, i'm worn out and starting to feel sore, i mean its been three hours.  so i say where do you want to cum cuz i can't go much longer.  he laughs as i rest on top of him his cock still hard as a rock inside me.  he says don't worry about it, i'll jerk off.

so we rest and chat some more.  we talk gender and sexuality - cool guy - the talk gets me turned on again i kiss him and stroke his cock with my hand.  he's still hard as hell.  he stops me reaches over and grabs some lube and begins jerking off, he tell me to suck his balls.  i  kneel down wrap my mouth around them and play with his balls in my mouth, he moans, shoots a huge load all over my chest.  hot.

we lie in bed resting.  he's been complimenting me the entire time - how hot and sexy i am etc.  he also keeps saying how masculine i am.  which is interesting, i feel like a lot of guys have said that to me.  its interesting because i actually don't feel masculine, i know lots of trans guys do, but I don't, and its not that i feel feminine, or like a mix or fluid.  i just don't have a word to describe my gender.  he actually asks if i feel like there are still feminine parts of me and i just say no, cuz the real answer is too complicated for a first fuck. 

anyways, i like him and don't really want to rush out, typical daddy he asks if he can buy me dinner, but i have somewhere to be i did not expect this to be a long session.  Plus i don't have dinner with my hook ups - rarely a drink at a bar and only once have i let one cook me breakfast - i'm very clear this is not dating this is fucking.

so i tell him i can't, shower, get my shit together and use his cash to hop a cab home.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Hook-Up Motel

 We are so excited to be part of Original Plumbing's latest roster of bloggers! We'll be guest blogging for the next 2 months. Check it out.

Hook-Up Motel

 “I love to kiss,” he texted back after I asked how he liked to fuck. “I love to just be naked and grind on another hot naked body. I love to suck on big clits.” We’d met through craigslist, emailed, exchanged pics, and liked what we both saw. The texting started soon after. It was a week day morning and I was horny as fuck. Luckily I had a few hours before I had to be at work and he had a car. He picked me up a few blocks from my house. I was taken aback when I first laid eyes on him. He actually looked like his picture. More attractive even. (Usually there’s some discrepancy between the picture and reality. Often times reality doesn’t quite measure up to the picture.) I started feeling like a lookist fuck for staring at the poor guy, but I couldn’t help it. He was just such a beautiful black man and he had these captivating brown eyes. Broad shoulders and chest. Some of my favorite parts of a guy’s body.

He drove us out of my ‘hood and onto the nearest highway. I asked if he had any trans people in his life.
“My best friend is a trans man. She…I mean, he came to me one day and was like ‘I’m a dude. I’m gonna take hormones.’ ”
He shared how he witnessed his friend’s transition over the years and saw the emotional turmoil brought on by family rejection. Then he talked about how one night they both got drunk and fucked silly.
“I was surprised at how much I got into it, but I didn’t trip because I’ve never been one of those dudes to trip over being attracted to men. Every once in a while I see a dude and think ‘damn he’s fine’ and that’s just the way it is.”
I found it hard to believe that he’d never had some moment in his life when he struggled with the reality of this desires. “Well I guess because my mom went with women and I grew up seeing this as normal, so it never occurred to me to feel weird about who I’m attracted to.” I marveled at this. Imagine growing up with openly queer parents. How different would my life be if this were my background?

We drove into the motel parking lot and I realized I’d never done this before. As long as I’ve been fucking around I’d never hooked up in a motel before. How could this be?  Well, this was going to be an adventure. At the check-in table I noticed that he paid without even asking for the price. Interesting. But far be it from me to judge. The room was so mundane that I couldn’t really tell you what it looked like, though I remember how soft and big the bed was. We stood in front of each other awkwardly for a moment or two. I could tell he was a bit nervous. I started to feel kinda shy. Maybe it was because we were about to fuck in a motel. I was getting really turned on by the reality of us being there for that reason. I turned on the flat screen in the hopes of finding a music station. The first thing that popped up was…porn. Not NBC or HBO or MTV. Just porn. I changed the channel and there was yet more porn. In this one, a long black shlong disappeared, almost fully, into a blond white woman’s mouth. Homeboy and I looked at each other and laughed at the pure honesty of it. This is a hook-up motel. Why pretend to be otherwise?

Inspired by the porn, we got right to it. We kissed and it was wet and sloppy, with lips and tongues going in every which way. Sucking on each other’s lips, tongues making contact, entangling and breaking free. Repeating the cycle over and over. He took his shirt off and I got to feel his soft warm skin. Mine came off next. I unbuckled his belt and slipped my hands through the front of his pants into his briefs. I gently stroked his dick which felt so smooth and hard, head slightly wet from pre-cum. His mouth was still latched onto in mine. Tongue seeking and locating mine. Finally I got his pants and briefs off and couldn’t help rubbing my hands on all over his round firm ass. He had a really nice round ass. I groped, squeezed and grabbed handfuls of that shit and ground on his dick.  After a a few minutes of serious vertical dry humping, he pushed me onto the bed and pulled my pants off in one fluid motion. When he got on top, I wrapped my legs around his hips. His face dipped to my neck and started licking me, sucking on my ear lobes. I bit and sucked on his neck and shoulder. One of his hands crept down my stomach to my pussy where he began jerking my cock. I caressed his hot ass some more and played with his ass hole, dipping a finger in and out. I felt his dick grow even more rigid and leak more pre-cum on my thigh. I love that shit. He grabbed it and rubbed it on my hard clit. “That’s the hottest shit I’ve ever seen…” he muttered, looking down between our bodies at our dicks touching and rubbing.

Sliding down to my pussy, he sucked my dick loudly, causing me to grow hornier and harder. He pulled away suddenly, grabbing and slapping on a magnum. I turned over because I wanted doggy. I wanted him to ram into me hard and fast. Instead I felt his hot breath on my ass and his warm wet tongue encircling my asshole. He licked me for a while and for the first time I actually allowed myself to relax and enjoy it. Usually I’m a prude when it comes to certain types of ass play, ass eating being one of them. But this time it was driving me wild. His thumb replaced his tongue while his dick firmly pushed into my pussy. Oh my god. It felt so unbelievably good. It wasn’t like he was that big, but he was just the perfect size for me. He fucked me slowly for a while, withdrawing completely then slowly plunging back in. It was the most delicious feeling. He kept tightening his grip on my ass, plunging deeper with each thrust and moaning “shit” and “fuck” in response. With his thumb he started fucking my ass while still fucking my pussy. It was such a hot combination of fullness, friction and wetness. His finger buried deep in my ass and his dick doing the slow-n’-deep-thrustin thing. I about lost my mind. We were being very loud too. Moaning and grunting loudly, blending sounds with the porn and creating this raunchy as hell soundtrack. I’m always more turned on by a guy who is vocal. A guy who can’t help but make strange, funny sounds when he’s feeling good.

“Fuck I’m about to cum.” Then “I wanna cum on your ass and back,” he said with some effort. And I wanted that too. I wanted to feel his hot cum splashing on me. I started matching his thrusts, making him speed up because this slow and deep shit was like torture.
“Ohh fu..” He withdrew quickly, slipped off the condom and it felt like hot wax was being splashed all over my back and ass. I have a serious cum fetish. I love watching guys shoot cum on my body – stomach, chest, back, all over. The more cum the better. And this guy had cum for days.

We chatted a little after cleaning up, but we got horny again and fucked some more. This time he pinned my legs over my head and pounded the hell out of my pussy, whispering “I could do this shit all day,” somewhere near my ear. I wrapped my hands around his neck and brought him closer to me, skin rubbing on skin, our bodies covered in a thin layer of sweat. My hands drifted down to his round ass and I grabbed, pushing him deeper. He shifted and hit this spot deep within me and that did it for me. I came loudly. It felt so good to be loud and not have to worry about neighbors. After all we weren’t the only ones fucking up in here. People were holed up in rooms all over this dingy-ass place doing the deed. Licking, sucking, fucking, fingering, etc. Doing all manners of things to each others’ bodies and it kinda felt good to be in solidarity with them. We laid there, him on top of me, panting, recovering from the quick intense fuck that had just taken place.

After he dropped me off at the station later that, I boarded the train feeling freshly fucked and all kinds of happy. That’s when it hit me: oh shit, what the fuck was his name?