Saturday, September 3, 2011

human connection

I was thinking about this interesting hook up I did yesterday. It was one of those spur of the moment kind of things. I had been logging into my sites on and off all day between errands, etc. it had been a slow unproductive day. I had just finished making some food and decided to log in again. All of a sudden a bunch of guys hit me up. One in particular was interesting. He was local (folks following this blog know my issue) and definitely had that typical gay boy hotness going - white boy, tall, cut but not beefy, very cute - he also had some nice tats and a few piercings - all of which are favs of mine. So I sent my usual response. He said all good to me, never done it before, but into it. I said, cool what yuh looking for? He said just looking to have some fun. I said fun is always cool. We arranged to meet in half an hour.

So normally I go into more detail i.e. what i do and don't do, but sometimes for quick things and this seemed like a quick thing i don't

So I head over, he's as cute in person, incredibly hot actually. We chat for about 5 minutes then we start kissing. We kiss and make out for a while then he leads me to his room. We kiss and make out and grind for a really long time, this amount of making out is cool with me but after a while I start to wonder what’s going on, he doesn't seem nervous or anything like that, so i just take the lead and reach down and unbutton his pants, he reaches for mine and we strip. 

I kneel in front of him and take his cock into my mouth. i suck him off for a while, then he reaches down and pulls me up on top of him. we kiss and make out and grind against each other. then he flips me on my back and sucks my nipples. he asks if anything is off limits. nice guy. I say i just don't usually do anal anything else is fair game. then he reaches down and begins playing with my clit and sucking my nipples at the same time. i luv nipple play. then he moves down and tongues the inside of my thighs before moving in to suck my clit. he is really, really good. he plunges his fingers into me and sucks my clit. hot.

however, i want his cock. i push him onto his back and we kiss and grind, i rub my head against his, he moans, he's very hard. i ask if he has a condom. he grabs one and slips it on. i mount him, but realize he's gone soft. i ask him if he wants me to suck him off some more he says yeah. then he pulls me up and we kiss and grind, he says i should cum if i want, i say ok and get myself off grinding my clit against him. then he lays back and jerks himself off while we kiss.

at this point i'm feeling unsure about this hook up and wondering how long i should stay before i leave when he drapes his leg over mine and starts to chat. we chat about our lives, where we are from, what we like to do, the gay scene, he asks me questions about my transition which i'm fine with - he also asks first if its ok to ask. we chat for at least an hour. at one point he pulls me closer to him and we cuddle as we chat. the chat is good, but there are definitely a few awkward silences. I like him, but its not the immediate vibe i've gotten with some of my hookups where we just hit it off from the get.

i tell him i should probably head out, then he says 'oh, i was wondering if you want to do it again'. i debate and decide to go for it. we kiss, make out, he sucks me off, and he's really hard so i ask again if he has a condom, he says yeah, he says its embarassing but i get real nervous with condoms, he says don't get me wrong i really want to... i say no worries man. he says and i'm not going to ask you to do that (meaning fuck raw). so i cum again from grinding against him and he jerks off while we make out.

then i say ok, i really gotta go this time. i clean up and head out.

i was thinking about this hook up afterwards. i mean this guy is incredibly stereotypically gay boy hot - i am sure he can walk into any gay bar and gets immediate attention, i am sure he has no problem hooking up with people whether it is online or at the local gay bar. he seemed like he had his shit together - yuh know you can pretty much tell when someone is in a good or at least ok place in their life and when they are at a pretty bad one (no judgement - we all have hard times in our lives).

what i realized is that i think he really just wanted some human contact, to have some real conversation and cuddle and kiss and feel each others bodies. getting off was secondary.

i've been trying to figure out why this was so suprising to me.

i've hooked up or chatted with other guys like that before but it was always guys who i could see how they have a hard time dating or hooking up or whatever because they don't meet society's fucked up standards of beauty or they just seem like they are not in a good place in their life. but this guy was the epitome of gay boy beauty in society's eyes and really seemed to have his shit together.

i guess it just made me pause and reflect some on the need we all have for meaningful human connection and how rare and difficult it is to find. So difficult in fact that we find it where ever we can get it even in the world of online fucking and anonymous play.