Wednesday, January 15, 2014

the threesome

i have this regular i've been doing every once in a while.  cute, total top, gay guy of color - really into trans guys meaning he seeks us out.  some would call him a chaser but the use of that term warrants discussion and i actually just want to write about sex right now.

this regular hit me up recently and said he has a friend who wants to watch us fuck.  now this sounds very hot.  he calls him 'his bottom' and he sends me a pic of this guy, he is very cute in a skinny brown boy kind of way.  I am picturing this boy sitting on my couch stroking his cock while he watches us fuck.  hot as hell.  the regular says his bottom has never done pussy before but is really curious and may just watch but may join.  all good by me.

it takes a bit to arrange but one night they both come over.  i offer them beers and we get right to it.  my regular and i start kissing, he says he is nervous for some reason, which we both laugh about.  his bottom boy joins right in.  we are standing kissing and feeling each others bodies.  we all strip and i kneel between the two of them alternating sucking both their cocks while they play with my nipples.  bottom boy then kneels down as well and we alternate kissing each other and sucking my regular's cock.

we move to my bedroom.  i lie back and my regular begins sucking me off.  bottom boy drops his cock into my mouth and i blow him.  then they switch places i suck my regular's cock while bottom boy blows me.  i grab condoms.  my regular moves between my legs and pushes into me.  i sit up so i can suck his boy's cock while he fucks me.  this goes on for a while then my regular asks bottom boy if he wants to fuck me.  he nods.

my regular slips his cock out of me and they switch places.  bottom boy pushes into me and fucks me for a bit but can't stay hard so they switch again.  my regular is pounding between my legs, fucking me missionary, hard fast strokes and bottom boy is standing over us watching - stroking his cock - saying 'so hot'.

my regular says he is getting close.  i stop him and say 'wait i want you to fuck him'.  he stops and says, 'yeah?'.  i nod.  he pulls out of me his cock hard as hell.  he switches condoms and motions bottom boy over.  he positions him on his knees but so bottom boy's head is between my legs.  'suck his pussy' my regular says as he pushes into the boy from behind. i moan as bottom boy sucks at my clit while his ass gets pounded.  my regular is stroking his boy hard and fast and then cums with a loud groan collapsing on top of him, bottom boy's face between my thighs.

Monday, December 16, 2013


One Sunday morning I woke up kind of early.   I was feeling possibly frisky so i logged into the sites.   a bunch of people hit me up (i've been having alot of luck on grindr lately for some reason).  One was a cute 30 year old asian guy, Vietnamese.  However i was just waking up and not totally sure if wanted to do a hook up.  After some back and forth he said he could head over now.  I still wasn't sure and was debating between a hook up and going to the gym.  He was a bit persistent.  So I decided to just go for it, figuring i would make it a quick thing.  

Dude show's up and he's cute.  not as cute as his pics but cute.  we are sitting on my bed and he looks at me and says "did you really used to be a woman?" he is looking at me like he doesn't believe me.  I say yeah.  He says "you look like more of a guy than i do".  I'm not totally sure how to take that.  

I say to him are you good with this?  He says yeah, so i climb on top of him and we get to it.  He doesn't kiss i realize which i don't care about.  Soon we are both naked and he is sucking me off.  then he pulls back and say's "bro, can i take a picture".  he has been calling me bro the whole time.  I say "what?  no". he says, "bro, just from the waist down, no face".    

Now at the time i felt like this is just weird.  though in retrospect, i share x rated below the waist pics with people all the time.  i again say "no" firmly.  then he starts to beg me, he says, "bro please you have to help me out".  now this is getting even weirder.  "what do you mean, why?" i ask.  remember this is all happening while we are both naked and he is sucking me off alternating begging and sucking my clit.  he says again, "please bro".  i again push and say tell me why.  He says "please you don't understand i need to be able to show it to my brother".  then i realize what's going on

i'm still feeling a bit weird but i decide what the hell, sure i say, i let him take a few pics of him fingering and blowing me.  i make sure they are all just below the waist no face though i'm clear that's not what he cares about.  as he puts his tongue to my clit and poses for a selfie his face next to my pussy its simultaneously weird, hilarious, problematic and sad.  after he takes a few pics we go onto fuck.  its good nothing incredible, just an ok fuck.  

afterwards we are chatting a little and i ask him more questions about his family.  his family who he lives with does not know that he is gay and they are starting to ask questions.  he says they would never accept it.  he know's this for a fact and his family is very important to him.  he is going to show his brother the pics so he will stop pressuring him.

i wish him the best of luck and he gives me a big tight hug as he leaves.  

he messages me later to say that it was amazing and he hopes to see me again.  well i know that's not happening while i have no regrets its not a situation i am looking to repeat.

i've been reflecting alot on this hook up.  i could see how what he did could seem inappropriate and offensive to some.  for myself it was weird but really not a big deal to let him take the pics.  clearly he is in a hard situation and i really felt for him even in that moment of weirdness.  dude is 30 years old, loves his family dearly in a way that as another queer of color with immigrant roots i understand, yet is gay as all hell and just can't risk losing them because of it.  i'm not someone who believes that everyone needs to be out.  i believe everyone makes their own decisions about it and that whatever you decide is what's right for you.

i really do wish him the best.  it was a reminder to me of the ways the world is for us queer folks of color - weird, complicated, hard, absurd and full of resilience.  

Saturday, September 21, 2013

laughter and fucking

i've been in a bit of a funk lately.  dating woes....  being in a funk meant i wasn't really feeling like doing hookups.  so i went a good two weeks without being fucked.

this week i was in a better place and feeling frisky leading to three encounters.  what was funny about all three is that during all three we laughed as we fucked.  the kind of laughter that happens when you are just having fun and feeling good.

it was very late on a monday nite.  well late for me and i had just gotten off the phone with my best friend.  i was feeling horny so logged onto the sites.  pretty quickly some dude hit me up.  i did my usual routine and he said 'i know we have met before'.  now i don't remember this guys profile at all, but he sends me a pic and looks kind of familiar but i am still not placing him.  however it doesn't really matter right, so i tell him to come over.  he texts me that he is outside my apartment and i open the door to let him in.    i see a tall, sexy, dark brown skinned dude leaning against the wall.  hot.  and now i remember him and that he is a good fuck.  i let him in.  we both strip and get right to it.  he has a tight muscular body and we kiss and grind as we fuck.  its very hot.  he is big but not uncomfortably so which is perfect.  his cock is pushing into me, his hips pumping between my legs, our smooth chests pressed closely together, we kiss and both kind of grin and laugh as we fuck cuz we are both really feeling it.  i push him onto his back so i can ride him.  i take him slow, riding the full length of him, tightening on each stroke, he moans as we fuck, i can feel the head of his cock hitting just the right spot inside me.  we fuck faster and he says he is going to cum, he groans and pushes harder into me as he cums his cock pulsates inside me.  hotness.  i lie on top of him catching my breath.  we look at each other and smile and laugh.  i slide him out of me.  we both clean up and he heads out the door.

a day later i am feeling frisky again.  i've been chatting with this dude who lives literally 3 houses away from me.  now for folks who follow this blog you know i have a major weakness for anything close by.  3 houses away is something i will almost never turn down.  dude is ok looking in his pics.  sends me lots of hot messages.  never done a trans guy.   we had talked about meeting up however i am home later than expected and he wants to reschedule.  i however really want to fuck.   i send him a text saying i just got home and i'm horny.  he responds 'yeah?'.  i say 'yeah, i really wanna get fucked, and i'm wet as hell'.  he say 'oh god so hot'.  i say 'want me to cum over'.  he say 'yeah'.  perfect.  so i grab my supplies and walk 3 houses down my block.  he is ok looking in person.  we strip and get right to it.  he is an average size.  we kiss and he strokes his cock as we make out.  he is hard.  i bend down and blow him for a bit.  i grab a condom and slide it on him.  he kneels between my legs and pushes inside me.  he is fucking me but its a bit awkward.  he says 'i've never done this before'.  its always weird when dudes say that to me, i don't really get what's so different...  anyways, i tell him to let me be on top.  i climb onto him and guide him inside me.  we both moan as his cock slides in.  i ride him taking my time.  he is moaning as we fuck.  i ride him faster and he says he is getting close.  he cums hard shooting inside me and he cries out as he cums.  his hips jerking.  when he is done he opens his eyes and we look at each other smile and chuckle.  i roll off of him and we chat a bit as i get dressed then i head home.

the next day i have a date.  so this is a different context.  2nd date and i know going in that unless the vibe is really off i want us to fuck.  i invite him back to my place after a drink and we chat for a while on my couch.  i am pondering making a move when he leans in and kisses me.  perfect.  we make out some then i lead him to my bedroom.  without going into detail we fuck and its hot and fun and as we fuck we grin and laugh cuz its sexy and hot and we like each other.

Monday, September 2, 2013

barebacking, trust and emotions

I wrote this piece a while ago, but just had not published it yet.  I am actually in a space now where i always use condoms for fucking.  I am dating now, casual and open, but it makes me think differently about the risks i take. I also am still doing hook ups but less so.  However, this piece is still very real to me and very much a part of who i am.

I also have been thinking about Brandon Lacy Campos, who passed earlier this year, as this is his birthday weekend, his honesty and need for us to be real with each other about sex and safer sex was rooted in love for our community and an understanding that it is the only way we can survive.


this is another piece about unsafe, risky sex.  somewhat of a continuation of a previous post 'transfag barebacking'.  that said once again i am not at all advocating fucking without protection.  though i again feel the need to be real about my experiences doing so.

i had reached a point in my hook ups where i felt i was pretty in control of how i fuck, meaning i wasn't randomly giving into a desire to fuck raw.  i had reached a point where i acknowledged the desire.  I very rarely fucked raw and only with regulars who i've know for a while, have some trust for and have discussed std/sti status, testing status and safer sex practices ahead of time.  i would make a decision about fucking raw before i was in someones bed.  again very very rarely.  however even this i know is not safe and is risky.  (and to be honest there was one exception to this - a total alcohol induced fuck up)

however i recently ended up in an unhappy health situation.  Found out i had an STD, curable, which was clearly a result of these decisions i made.  i was talking to my best friend about it all, he's another ftm of the queer variety, and i was saying that I was going to stick to condoms at all times now, no exceptions.  he said, 'i think that's a good idea and its not like it feels different to you to fuck with a condom or without', meaning yeah for the dude who's fucking my pussy i assume it feels a hell of alot different, but for me as the person getting fucked, its questionable, my best friend has had his own experiences with barebacking so has first hand knowledge and is not judgemental in his statements.

at the time i said, 'yeah ur right'.  but then i was thinking about it and i know for me at least sometimes it's no different condom or no condom, but other times, at least for me, the raw fuck on a purely physical level is very very different.

what i've started to reflect on though is while this desire to fuck flesh to flesh is about a physical and sexual desire that i have, there is clearly also an emotional level to it.

there is this dropping of boundaries when it comes to fucking raw.  i was thinking about how with one dude who i've known for a year, nice guy, interesting, laid back musician, i really like him as a person and we hook up quite often every week sometimes, after the first time we fucked raw there was this new openness to our post fuck chat, a new level of connection.

this blog tells tales of fucking, of anonymous, i don't even know your name fucking.  these encounters are most often purely physical, while there may be some chat you both (or all) know that this is just about sucking some cock (trans or non trans), feeling each others bodies, kissing (most of the time) and fucking the hell out of each other.  sometimes it can become a fuck buddy situation, but even then we are not going to the movies together or hanging out with each other's friends, while we may like each other as people - in the end its about fucking. 

yet if i'm honest with myself i can't deny an emotional element to it with some of my repeats.  the regulars i fucked raw are all good guys, at good places in their lives, nice people who i have known for in some cases over a year.  we had conversations ahead of time about testing, std/hiv status, and safer sex practices, but a level of trust is inherent in that conversation.

i realize what it comes down to is that i want to live in a world where we can trust each other as fuck buds as people who are dating as partners.  I want that world to exist.  yet i know that we do not live in that world.

when i think back on the times i've slid onto a cock raw sometimes i wanted a raw fuck and thats it, but sometimes, as problematic as it is, i wanted to feel the connection that comes with two people agreeing to trust each other enough to live with the risk.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

hard moments

recently i kind of fell for a dude.  well not kind of did.  and the whole situation just sucked to hell cuz we met about 2 months before he was moving out of the country.   cute, sexy, political, non trans guy of color.

we met and there was an immediate connection.  that type of deep connection that sometimes happens between two people.  for me as a leftist leaning, social justice, movement type firmly rooted in people of color and queer and trans community this has always and only happened with people who i share strong politic and principle with.  and it very rarely happens.  the last time it did was over ten years ago.

it had been a really long time since he had deeply connected with someone as well.  neither of us are the long distance type so it was pretty clear that after two months this thing we had would be over.  we talked about if we should just stop spending time together but that really didn't make sense to either of us.

i was the first trans guy he had fucked or dated he had only ever been with cis guys.  however the fact that i'm trans was never a factor in our relationship.  meaning that of course my trans identity is very much a part of my life and politic however it was not a factor positive or negative in his attraction and connection to me - we were just two gay guys really into each other.

i would say the first few weeks we hung out were amazing, fun and beautiful.  while there was alot we could have discussed regarding the state of the lgbt movement, race, sex and gender, organizing and general politicking.  we actually very rarely did.  we shared stories from our past and current lives, ate good food, drank lots of beer, lazed around in parks or in bed watching silly movies, went on bike rides, hung with friends, and just generally enjoyed spending time together.  the sex was hot and intense in that way that sex can be when you are really into someone.  when we were together we were always touching or holding each other - there was a level of comfort that just felt right.

then it started to get hard.  we both went through are own moments of sadness and anxiety and self protection - for both of us resulting in periods of withdrawal.  i know this seems incredibly intense and dramatic for a relationship that was so new but it was just what it was.

then it ended, he left the country, and it just was this beautiful, hard, intense moment in my life that i appreciate and miss.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

the beach town

a couple of friends and I rented a house in a nearby beach town – one of those gay beach towns. We were just gonna be there for a few nights. When evening hit we decided to head to the local gay bar. I'm with a group of queer and trans folks but i'm the only one mainly into guys so when we get to the bar and see its about 98% guys i'm quite pleased, my friends not so much. We get drinks and hang and chat. I can see that my friends are not so into it so when a cute gay boy comes over and starts flirting with me they decide they can make an exit and bid me farewell for the nite.

Cute gay boy and I continue to flirt. At some point he mentions his monogamous boyfriend of 7 years and its clear to me he's just flirting for the hell of it and is plastered as all hell. He's nice though so we keep chatting. At some point he makes an exit with said boyfriend who does not seem too happy when he sees us talking and exchanging digits, I'm very respectful of other folks relationships so I have no intentions he just seems like a nice guy. Regardless now i'm trying to decide if I should stay or go when out of nowhere a cute tall guy wearing very short shorts is standing next to me.

We start chatting a bit and then he says lets get closer to the stage so we can see the show. Its drag nite. Now he is standing behind me and he starts grinding his cock against my ass. Hot and I can feel that he's hard. I reach back and grab his dick first through his shorts then down them. I let this go on for a minute then I turn around and put my hand on his chest to give a bit of distance between us and say, 'i'm totally cool to play but I need to tell you i'm a trans guy'. I'm unsure how he is going to react as i've been on the sites since I got to town and have been having zero luck. however he doesn't miss a beat and says 'cool, no problem'. However I have heard that before so I say 'do you know what a trans guy is?'. He says 'yes'. Still not convinced I say 'tell me then'. He laughs and says 'female to male, right, u used to be a girl'. I smile, 'cool'. I ask, 'did you know I was trans when you hit me up?' he says, 'no I just thought u were really hot'. Nice.

Then he bends down and kisses me and I place my hand back on his dick. We make out for a bit longer and he says 'do you want to go to the beach'. I nod. He grabs my hand and we leave the bar. We walk a short distance down the board walk. Its late and there are not a lot of people out. He pulls me into the entrance way of a building. We start kissing and making out. He pulls out his dick and I bend down and take him into my mouth. I blow him for a while then I pull a condom out and ask if he wants to fuck. He nods. I hand him the condom, drop my pants and bend over. He pushes his dick into me from behind. Fucking me hard. He is very thick. Anyone walking by would clearly see us fucking but no one does. He tells me he wants me to ride him and that we should actually go to the beach. Cool however I only have one condom. The beach is close so I ask him to make sure to keep the condom on while we walk over – lol.

We walk a short distance more and turn down a pier, we get to the end, but the beach is kind of rocky so I stop him and say lets just fuck on the pier. Its very dark outside. Anyone walking by would clearly see two people fucking but its the kind of gay town where public sex is pretty routine. We sit and kiss. He pulls down his shorts and I ride him. After a bit he has gone soft and he turns me onto my back and begins blowing me. He is very good. He finger fucks me as he sucks my clit until I cum hard clenching around his fingers. I pull his fingers out and start blowing him. He moans. I really want to fuck you some more, he says. Me too but the only condom we had is no longer usable. He says we can go back to his place, however his place is kind of far. My place is very close but i'm sharing a bed with a friend so that's a no go.

I say lets walk to my place and I can get more condoms and then go back to the beach. He says cool. We both put our clothes back on. We chat as we are walking. We quickly are at my place. I tell him to wait outside while I go in to grab supplies. My roomie is still up and asks whatsup. I say I will tell yuh in the morn just came to get condoms and a towel. He laughs. I grab my supplies and head back out.

Dude and I walk a short distance to the beach this part of the beach is sandy and beautiful. We walk a short distance down and I lay down a towel. We both strip from the waist down. He starts sucking me off again. I lay back and look at the stars as he blow me til I cum. I suck him off til he's hard, slip a condom on and ride him. We fuck like this for at least an hour. Alternating between him blowing and finger fucking me and me blowing him until he's hard enough to fuck me. He keeps going soft which I learn is because he has been 'partying'... we go through a ridiculous amount of condoms. after an hour of this i'm starting to get sore and he still has not cum so I tell him I can't do anymore and he is gonna have to jerk off. I lie back and watch him stroke himself until he shoots a huge load on my chest. Which is hot but later not so much as I have to walk back to the place i'm staying with his cum making my shirt stick to my chest...

Saturday, June 22, 2013


today i met a truly beautiful person.  we had been chatting on and off online for sometime now.  gorgeous black trans woman.  i am her first ftm.  i've done hookups with many genders but mostly non trans guys.

i arrive at her place.  she opens the door and she is as beautiful in person as her pics.  she lets me into her small apartment.  i ask if she lives alone or has roomies.  she says she lives here with her husband.  i pause and say, uhm, he's cool with this right?  she nods and says its fine.  cool.  

she leads me into her bedroom and we sit for a bit chatting on her bed.  she has on a short summer dress.  she leans in and kisses me.  we make out exploring each others bodies.  i am playing with her breasts through her dress.  its making me wet.  i really need them in my mouth.  i pull back and take off my shirt and binder.  she pulls her dress up over her head. i lean in and wrap my lips around her dark nipples.  i ask if she likes that.  she moans a yes.  our bodies are grinding against each other and i can feel that she is as turned on as i am.  we have discussed everything beforehand so she knows that i am all bottom and i know that she likes to use her parts.  

she reaches down and unbuttons my jeans.  i pull them off and lie back now entirely naked on her bed.  she kneels between my legs and blows me.  it feels incredible.  just the right amount of pressure.  i cum quickly.  i sit up and ask her to take of her panties.  she slips them off.  

i really want her in my mouth.  i ask if its ok and she nods.  i wrap my mouth around her.  she moans as i move my mouth up and down.  i ask her if she wants to fuck.  she says yes and i grab a condom and slip it on her.  

i straddle her and slip her inside me.  slowly at first as she is thick.  she feels amazing.  she says, 'wow' as i ride her.  we fuck slowly at first.  taking our time.  kissing and feeling each others bodies.  i say 'you are so beautiful' as we fuck.  then i ride her faster and harder until i cum.  she calls me baby as we fuck.  she turns me over onto my back and we fuck missionary.  then she raises my legs to her shoulders and her strokes become harder and faster.  i'm gonna cum she says.  i feel her pulsing inside me.  so hot.  

afterwards we chat a little on her bed.  she sits with her knees pulled up, legs crossed, her arms wrapped around her legs.  i am clear that she could easily kick my ass as she is probably at least twice my size if not more and it is very clear she can take care of herself, however i feel this incredible vulnerability from her.  i'm not sure what's going on with me but its bringing out this extreme protectiveness on my part.  its like i want to make sure she is ok, that her husband treats her right, that no one ever messes with her, that she is safe and well in all her beauty, strength and vulnerability.  if i could make myself into a human protective bubble i would.

however we just met.  she has a husband and this is just a hookup.  after a bit i tell her i should get going.  she walks me to the door and we kiss good bye.