An Ode to Trans Guys

I’ve been trying to understand what’s happening to me.

I’ve never been attracted to femme women. Not even when I was expected to, in my former life as a butch lesbian. How then do you explain this? I went out with this girl recently. We were to meet at a soul food spot and I was well on my way to being tipsy by the time she got there. She looked better in person, with her punkish haircut and cute nerdy glasses. She wasn’t skinny, but had some meat on her, supple and curvy, nice round ass, ample breasts (I’m starting to be a big fan), all of that. I got hard and wet just by looking at her, which, again, used to be a rare occurrence for me, but I’m discovering is definitely no longer the case.  She hugged me during our hellos and her body was that combo of softness and hardness that I just love. I wanted run my hands up and down her body, ending up on her round ass, which I wanted to caress and squeeze and do all kinds of pervy things to.

We were both quite tipsy by the end of the date and well into each other. After dinner, she asked to walk me to my train station and it was done in this really smooth, ‘chivalrous’ way that had me kinda swooning. At the train station, we chatted some more and in my head I’m strategizing about the best way to kiss this girl. Then I try to remember the last time I “kissed a girl” and just when I realize it’s been a whopping 10 freaking years, she asks, “can I kiss you?”  I smile and she smiles. I lean in, as does she. Our lips touch and part as the tips of our tongues graze. We softly suck on each other’s lips, tongues grazing again. It was shy and hot and “sweet”, to use her wording. It was a kiss that promised things to come and since then I’ve thought about her enough to make me eager for the next hang out. Which shouldn’t be long now and will hopefully include something a little more interactive than a kiss.

This is only part of the story of my recent sexual transformation.

The other part is my renewed interest in trans men.

Maybe it’s partially because of the dude I’m fucking with right now. He’s cuuuttteee. Ink work all over his body, a few steel piercings here and there, and a long chain draped around his neck. He’s a tad shorter than me, which is cool as I always used to have more sexual chemistry with trans dudes around my build (give or take.) He came over to my crib after we’d had a somewhat awkward dinner situation. Dinner was somewhat awkward partially because I’d hit the sticky icky beforehand, so I was a little tongue tied, which happens to me sometimes when I smoke. (Other times you could stuff my mouth full of rocks and I still wouldn’t shut up.) Race shit also had a lot to do with the awkwardness. My blackness and his whiteness mean we’ve had very different life experiences. There of course was the commonality of our transness, queerness, radical politics, etc. But I think we were trying to find some real ways of connecting beyond those things. Well, thankfully, we found one way much, much later, in the confines of my apartment, beneath my maroon linen sheets…after watching vintage gay porn.

This boy was beautiful.

I made sure to lick every surface of his skin. I especially made sure to suck and lick that delicious clit/cock of his and he let out this deep, deep moan in response. Which probably woke the neighbours, but so what? They fuck too. Or at least I hope they do if they want to.

I was so hard.

His wet mouth around my clit felt so warm. Licking the tip, tongue encircling it, and then sucking the whole cock into his mouth. I kind of lost my head for a moment or three. He got on top, spread my legs wide and rubbed his cock on mine. We ground together like this forever. Grunting into each other’s ear, hot breath splashing onto each other’s cheeks. He lowered his face and sought my tongue with his. I sucked on his bottom lip, then the top.

“I get so horny just feelin’ your hard cock on my thigh,” he whispered into my ear when I got on top of him a little bit later. I was so fucking hard.

Then I decided I just had to fuck him with my strap.

He was open to it.

The question in my lust-addled mind was where the hell did I put that strap? It’d been that long since I’d used it. That’s how wide open this cutie had me. First I wanted to fuck his brains out, then I wanted him to fuck the shit outta me. I spent a few minutes searching, but nothing. Meanwhile, he’s sitting on my bed butt-ass naked, looking totally fuckable and that’s when I came to my senses. Instead of wasting this precious time, I could just fuck him with his dildo. Save the strap for next time cuz we were too damn horny right now for long-term searches.

And that’s exactly what I did.

He climbed on me, slid down the cock sighing loudly as his wet pussy met my hand at the base.

“You move, okay? So you can control how deep it goes,” I whispered up to him because he was tight. He started moving, plunging down and meeting my now wet hand, moaning louder each time. I tried to stay true to my word, but after a while I couldn’t help bucking my hips to meet his. My free hand grabbed his supple ass squeezing somewhat hard, finger playing with his asshole. That’s when he slammed down hard onto my hand, cock now completely buried in his pussy, letting out a loud guttural sound as he came, which definitely woke the neighbours.

After a few moments rest, we started again…

Saying goodbye later that night, we pressed our bodies together, clasped each other’s asses and kissed deeply, sloppily.

“Stay in touch and let me know what you’re up to,” he said while heading towards the elevator in the hallway. I nodded as I closed the door behind him.

For a good 20 minutes after he left, I stood in the middle of my living room lost in deep thought. I was feeling all kinds of confused about this recent development in my sexuality – it’d been years since I’d fucked anyone but cis guys. But I’m usually not one to make a big deal about transitions like these, so eventually I just started thinking about the many ways we fucked that night. Inevitably, I got horny again and quickly disappeared into my room.

I’m sure you can guess how the night ended.

a 7am fuck

It was late Saturday night, I was tired and i decided to check my accounts and saw a message from a cute guy, white, lots of tats and piercings which i love, and he was very close by. I messaged him back and he responded immediately. We started chatting back and forth - he'd been with trans guys before, seemed cool. He wanted me to come over immediately, but I was very tired, had to be up early the next day and not really in the mood. So we said another time.

I got up around 7am and was getting ready to go to the gym while checking my messages. Dude from last night messaged me. He said want to come over now? He only had about an hour or so but thought we could make it happen. So this is the thing. His place is actually on the way to my gym.   For folks who follow this blog its pretty obvious i'm all about convenience.  So I said yeah, why not, let me just take a quick shower. He said no come now I like funk. I said no I need to shower to feel comfortable but i will be there soon. So i hop in the shower and then head over.

I jump on my bike and am there quickly. He lets me in, he's definitely my type.  He lives in a big, artsy loft kind of place.  He leads me to his room and we get right to it. We both strip, he's already hard, i get on my knees in front of him and get to work on his cock. He looks down at me and says you are such a small guy (he's pretty big - 6ft semi muscular and built) as i take him down my throat. 

He leads me to his bed which is built under an overhead loft. He slips on a condom and I mount him. The overhead loft bit means that there are lots of places i can hang from as i ride him - this is very hot.  I fuck him hard, stroking him with my cunt, sliding up and down his hard cock til i feel myself cumming. Then he flips me over lifts up my legs and pushes into me.  He's fucking me rough and fast, pounding his full weight into me.  He say's he's getting close.  Says he can't cum with a condom.  He pulls out, removes the condom and cums all over my face.

After we clean up a little, we chat for a bit, short chat cuz he has to go. We talk tatoos, piercings, politics.  Then I wash up, he gives me his number (the hook up arrangement had been so fast we didn't even exchange cells) and i head out. Hop on my bike again and head to the gym in time for my 8am workout.

flakes

lately i've had a run of flakes.

this dude and i had hooked up a long time ago.  it was a fun hook up nothing spectacular.  sexy, stereotypically hot gay boy.  every once in a while he would message me and say hi.  he hit me up recently to say we should get together again soon.  so i'm game.  he was pretty persistent about it however it was during a week i was very busy so i tried to squeeze him in however i had to cancel (which i let him know in advance).  so we rescheduled for sunday night.  i sent him my address as i was hosting and he said cool.  i'll see you sunday night around 9pm.  so sunday i'm running around doing lots of stuff but i make sure i'm home in time for the hook up.  so dude doesn't show.  no text no message.  i know its all par for the hook up scene and it has happened to me before with a regular (who i let go for that reason - i don't have time for flakes).  and there are countless times where i've said to a dude or had it said to me yeah lets hook up later in the week or over the weekend and i or the dude or both of us don't follow up.

however this is only the 2nd time i've actually set a date and time with someone and they totally flake. its annoying and lets just be honest a blow to my ego.  its not that i was particularly excited about this hook up or actually feeling particularly horny it was one of those 'why not' kind of hook ups.  i still feel like a loser.  and i know its silly cuz this is just a hook up, its just fucking, yet seriously...

then later that same week i had arranged a hook up with this dude.  new hook up.  we had messaged a month or so ago and he was pretty persistent but it was a busy time for me and we just were not able to make it happen.  however this guys is seriously hot - not in that stereotypical gay boy way but in this brown, i'm all muscle, when i walk my arms don't move they are so big kind of way.  major muscle head.  so fucking hot.  so we planned to meet up one friday night.  we had set it up earlier that day.  so i texted him an hour before just to give him final details.  no word.  the time we are supposed to meet rolls around and he's a no show.  i text him to see if he's still coming.  he texts back that he's not sure if he can make it.  annoying....   why are all these dudes so flaky lately.  really what happened to common courtesy.  i know its just fucking but seriously, let a guy know if you're not gonna make it. (we actually do end up hooking up a week or so later and its nothing mind blowing...)

annoyed and this time i'm horny.  so i message another new hook up and he comes over and fucks the hell out of me. 

raw ass fucking

in my previous post transfag barebacking i wrote about how i was going through this period of doing a good amount of barebacking.  and to be honest it scared me a bit.  however writing that piece helped me to figure out what i wanted in a way that i could make safer choices.

i know there may be disapproval about this piece, but its a choice i made, definitely after some thought, it was not the safest choice and i'm not at all advocating it, but i own it as a decision i made at the time.  

so there is this dude i've been fucking for over a year now.  guy of color, round my age, bi but only fucks non trans women now except for me.  he's a real fucking asshole in alot of ways.  i would never date him, however he is a good to great fuck and very convenient. 

he says he's free of stds and i know he tests regularly for everything cuz he wants to be a sperm donor to make extra cash.  for better or worse i believe him. 

anyways, when we first started hookin up he asked if he could fuck my ass raw.  i said maybe after we've gotten to know each other a little better.  i don't know why i said that since at the time i had no intention of letting that happen.  actually to be honest i probably said it cuz i wanted to make sure he kept fucking me.  however so every once in a while he will check in.  "can i fuck ur ass raw now?".  i always say "not yet man". 

however, recently i decided that he is pretty safe given all of the above.  so he hit me up one night and i told him, i decided he could fuck me raw. 

and i really want it.  i want to feel a dude cum in my ass.  sorry to be crude but that's what i want.

i get to his place, we chat a bit then get to fucking.  i suck his cock til he's hard.  then i bend over, lube up my ass and he puts the tip of his cock to my hole.  he begins to push in.  i'm tight but he takes it slow until his cock pops into place.  then he begins to stroke me.  so hot.  we are both moaning and loving it.  he fucks me for a while and he says do you want me to cum.  i say yeah, but he says he's not even close.

he fucks me for a while more, but i can't take it anymore (i can last way longer with pussy fucking).  so he pulls out.  its a bit messy which is not so much my thing or his so he we both clean up.  it was however still very hot.

he's still hard.  he sits back on a chair and i kneel between his legs taking his cock into my mouth.  i suck him off while jerking myself off.  i cum hard his cock in my mouth.  i keep sucking him off til i feel him starting to cum.  i keep my mouth around his cock licking his tip as he shoots a huge load into my mouth. 

i love fucking

i love fucking

just came back from hooking up with this dude.  this is the third time we've hooked up.  he's a cutie, hot fuck, and into trans guys. 

love that i can text a hot dude at 2pm and be fucking him 5 hours later or in some cases at 5pm and fucking by 7:00.  luv that i have dudes that i can just text and say, i have the place to myself for three hours wanna come over, and they come and we fuck and its hot, sensual and sexy.

i know that i can be an ass about it all.  sometimes i go down my list starting with the hottest fuck and moving down the line to see who is free to fuck or to be specific up to fuck me.  however i know alot of dudes do the same not that it excuses it. 

many times, i think to myself what am i in the mood for today, a new fuck, a quick fuck, a rough fuck, a drunken fuck, a sensual slow fuck, a long marathon fuck, some chat with my fuck and go down my list of dudes depending on my mood. 

i luv logging into the sites and getting hit up by hotties who just want to fuck me

sometimes as a trans dude of color i feel frustrated, depressed, annoyed, oppressed by the gay boy hook up world.  like right now i just got fucked but i'm on some sites and not having any luck, some ass blocked me when they found out i'm trans, but right now i don't care.

i luv the raw sexuality of it all, the non commital, non emotional, purely physical fucking of it all.

luv dudes who are into my body, say i'm hot and sexy, luv fucking me.  i luv that we don't really give a shit about anything else but fucking, about physical contact, about sex, about getting off and having a good time (well mostly, i do have a few who want more but i'm up front that i don't)

as a queer trans person of color embracing the gay boy world of nsa fucking and anonymous play, its about loving and feeling confident in my body, loving my sexuality, loving my individual power and self determination in these moments.

this is just where i'm at right now. i'm not looking for anything more.

drunken fucking

i've been known to have a beer or two in the process of a hook up.  i enjoy having a bit of a buzz while fucking.  i've also been known to get more than buzzed with some of my regulars, not often but every now and then, not quite drunk of my ass but definitely beyond buzzed.  this is something i only do with a regular.  i like to have my wits about me on a first hook up.  however, i just did this hook up and got totally hammered to the point where the details of the night are a bit blurry.  clearly this was not the wisest decision on my part and i am fortunate that the hook up was a good guy. 

this is how it went.  we had been chatting for sometime now.  cute guy.  usual chat, nothing special, hiv/std status, how we like to fuck, when we're usually free, etc.  we finally arranged to meet up at a local gay bar.  i very rarely meet my hook ups in public.  what's the point.  we both know what we are there for.  i'm clear that i am not looking to date i just want to fuck.  meeting for a drink or coffee is unnecessary. however i do it sometimes as i understand folks wanting to check me out before inviting me to their home.   

dude arrives.  he only somewhat looks like his pics, but he's still cute in a very faggy gay boy kind of way which i luv.  we chat some and realize that we know alot of the same people.  this never happens to me.  i've hooked up alot and there is only one other dude i've fucked where we actually run in similar worlds.  

i've finished my first drink and he buys me another.  good convo though not my usual hook up chat as we discuss what's going on in our circle of the world. i'm buzzed at this point.  we start making out at the bar.  its very hot.  i have always loved public displays of affection.  i guess i may be a bit of an exhibitionist at heart. at some point he orders a 3rd round.  we continue making out, i'm playing with his cock through his jeans, we are all over each other, oblivious to the rest of the bar.  its quite possible that there may have been a 4th round it gets a little blurry at this point.  we left the bar and walked/stumbled to his place.  we definitely got some stares which could've been cuz we were clearly plastered or cuz we are clearly gay - his arm around my waist and my hand on his ass....

we get to his place and he pours another drink.  he is clearly a hard core drinker.  we strip and fuck.  i vaguely remember it being good not great but good.  the details are very blurry.  i can't even remember if he came.  kind of think he didn't.  i also know that we mostly used condoms, emphasis on mostly.  he was pretty fucked up too.  at some point i must have fallen asleep, i rarely stay the night at hookups especially not a first time hookup.  woke up the next day still at his place, vague memory of him asking if i want to just stay over and me saying yes.  i have never gotten this fucked up with a hook up.  even with a regular.

i know that the fact that we know the same people made me feel very comfortable with him and i let my guard down in a way that i normally would not do.  thinking about it, i used to get a bit intoxicated at times with the other hookup i used to do who also ran in similar circles, i think there is something about the feeling of familiarity and maybe this assumption of great accountability because we run in the same worlds that makes me drop my usual guards in ways that i really don't do with any other hookups.  i know this is not smart, i run in a leftist leaning queer and trans world, and its not like this world is immune to domestic violence, sexual assault or just people being wrong. 

also i feel kind of embarassed about it all to be honest.  i believe i was a bit more plastered than he was.  i know we fucked but i can't remember how it ended, or if it ended... i have a sneaking suspicion i may have fallen asleep while we were fucking...  lol, hate thinking that i was a shitty fuck (clearly my own shit).

an ode to dom tops

i love a dom top.  love em.

i just came back from hooking up with this dude, total dom top.  i had hooked up with him a while ago and it was very hot however we hadn't been able to make it happen again.  literally, it had been almost nine months. 

skinny, clean cut, cute looking guy, he's got some type of high power job, clearly well off, fancy place.

i get to his place, he offers me a drink, pours me some expensive looking whiskey (not my usual drink, but whatever).  we sit on the couch chat for a bit then start kissing.

he unbuttons his pants - "suck my cock boy",  his voice gets extra deep when he gives orders.  its extra hot. 

he pushes my head towards his cock.  i take him into my mouth and suck him off.  he keeps his hand on the back of my head guiding my strokes.  we move to his bedroom, we both strip, he lies back and i kneel over him taking his cock into my mouth again - "yeah boy that's what i like".

after a bit he grabs my head and pushes me onto my back.  he likes to be on top (which i luv).  he grabs a condom and pushes inside me slowly at first.  fucking me missionary.  as he fucks me he gives orders. "tighten your body boy", "go loose", "fuck me back", "do what you want", "grab your ankles", each time in that extra deep voice, its incredibly hot. 

after fucking me like that for quite a while he says, "get on your stomach boy".  i turn over and he pushes his cock into my ass.  slowly, then hard deep strokes.  i moan as he pounds me.  then he stops, pulls out, switches condoms, and repositions me.  when he moves me around he does it by palming the top of my head, kind of weird and hot at the same time.   he turns me so i'm on my back, legs hanging over the edge of the bed.  he puts my legs on his shoulders and pushes his cock into me.  hard, fast thrusts.  "i'm getting close boy" he almost growls.  he pulls out, strips of the condom and shoots a huge load of cum all over my chest.

i lie back catching my breath.  he throws me a towel saying "ok, time to go".  he is not a cuddler.  lol.  i clean up, kiss him goodbye and head out the door.