fucking and attraction

For folks who are following this blog, you know i have this thing where for me at least, physical attraction and hot fucking are not always the same. this has often times gotten me in trouble as it means if i show up at a hook up and the person looks less attractive then their pics I often still go for it, this is because i've had some of the most amazing hot sex and fun hook ups with people who are low on my hotness scale and i've had some real shitty sex with folks i view as hotties.

Lately though i've been having a string of not fun hook ups. I show up, the person looks way less attractive then their pics and the sex sucks. I was beginning to think that i need to let go of my theory on attraction. 

However tonight I felt vindicated - well mostly.

This guy and i had been messaging periodically on Adam4Adam for at least a couple of months. His pics were attractive, not hot, but cute in an older gay nerd kind of way (don't get me wrong i've met some majorly hot gay nerds but this guy was just ok). For some reason we had not been able to make it happen.

Finally we arranged to meet. I head over to his place which is not far but in a part of town i've never been. He meets me outside and he is less attractive than his pics and i'm thinking oh no, not again, i follow him inside. His place is small and cluttered but relatively clean (i have a thing against dirty apartments). He offers me a beer. He is a real nerd, lots of high tech stuff all over the place, a huge telescope in one corner.

He seems really nervous. He's talking non stop. We sit down on his couch and I'm kind of vibing with him, maybe its the beer, but he is starting to look less unattractive, we chat about random stuff or more like he prattles on and i insert a question or comment every once in a while.

I start stroking his arm as we talk, wanting to speed things up some, he's still chatting about random shit, admits he's nervous and i tell him don't be nervous. to be honest i can't really remember much about our email exchanges, his nervousness makes me assume i'm his first transguy.

finally we start kissing and making out. I can feel his hard on through his jeans. i unzip his pants and pull out his cock.  nice size - thick - not humongous, not small.  i slip his hard dick into my mouth and begin sucking him off.  he's the perfect size for me to take him down my throat so i do.  he groans.  after a while i stand up and take off my clothes.  he strips as i lie down on his bed.  he climbs on top of me rubbing his hard cock against my body.  we both moan.  i hand him a condom and lube him up.  he is on top of me missionary style.  i guide him into me.  'oh god' he moans as his cock slips into my cunt.  he starts stroking me, his cock thrusting.  i grab his ass pushing him as deep into me as i can.  he grabs my legs and pushes them over my head pounding into me.  i can feel myself starting to cum as he fucks me hard and fast. 

he fucks me two more times, long hot wild fucks, multiple positions - missionary, seated, doggy style, etc., i cum repeatedly, after the third he asks if i can go another round, normally i can, but tonite i'm tired and just can't.  the whole time he keeps saying how hot and sexy i am, complements my body, says he loves my masculine smell. 

hotness

'its like you're just any guy i invited over to fuck'

i did this new fuck the other day.   dark skinned guy of color, late 20's, stereotypical gay boy hot.  he only fucks boys, i am his first trans guy.

i get to his place we chat some, usual pointless prefuck chat then we get to fucking.  he is also a dom top - which for those who follow this blog know is a love of mine.  he is sitting back on his couch shirtless, toned chest, just a pair of shorts.  we start making out.  i'm rubbing his sizable cock through his shorts.  he pulls back and says 'you want this' looking towards his cock.  i nod.  he unzips and pulls out his dick.  he is already hard.  'suck it' he says.  i kneel between his legs and take him into my mouth.  he groans.  i slide my lips up and down his cock then take him down my throat.  after a bit he stops me he reaches down and pulls of my shirt then pushes my head back towards his cock.  he plays with my nipples as i suck him off.

'can i fuck that' he asks.  i nod.  stand up.  drop my shorts and grab a condom.  'sit on it' he says.  i slip on the condom lube him up and straddle him.  i slowly slide my cunt down his cock.  he moans as i take him in.  then i ride him.  sliding up and down his hard dick.  taking him in fully.  riding him hard.  'lets go to the bed' he says.  i nod.  slide off him and lie back on his bed.  he kneels between my legs and pushes his cock into me.  fucks me hard, our bodies pressed tightly together, his hips slamming between my legs, i'm gonna cum he groans, 'cum man' i say.  he fucks me faster and harder til he groans and shoots.

this was a good hot fuck.  however there are two things about this hook up that i loved and they both occurred after the fucking.

after he fucked the hell out of me we are lying back in bed chatting.  during this usual post fuck chat he only asked me one question related to me being trans, he asked when i started to transition, then he never mentioned it again.  i think this struck me as interesting because most gay (not bi or 'straight' or queer) dudes that i've hooked up with who have never done a trans dude before at least ask a few more questions or refer to me being trans in someway.  i say this to him.  he says, 'well, i thought the trans thing would be really different, but its not', he says it almost with a bit of disappointment, he says, 'its like you're just any guy that i invited over to fuck'.  i kind of luv it. 

the second thing was that after we fucked we hung out and chatted for a while over a drink on his balcony.  it was a warm summer nite.  we were not really vibing in that way that sometimes i vibe with my hook ups, where you both find each other interesting, yuh know where there is just that connect.  however he's a nice guy and neither of us have anywhere else we need to be.  we don't really have much to chat about as we have almost nothing in common.  so we start swapping hook up stories.  i majorly luv swapping hook up stories.  we chat for a good hour or so sharing tales.  worst hook up, weirdest hook up, hook up that he wanted more out of, hook ups that want more out of me.  he gave me advice about this hook up that i've been wanting to let go of.

for me often hook ups are pure fucking, usually there is some general chat, but its really just about fucking.  sometimes we vibe and connect more strongly though its still about fucking.  and sometimes a hook up is really just about two people making a connection and enjoying each others company in that moment, and not asking anything more of each other.

transphobic rejection

i had to go to this book launch for my job.  gay event.  lots of queers around but mostly of the lesbian variety.  i'm hanging by the appetizer table pondering the scattering of mini carrots and cheese that make up the snack table when a sexy dark skinned dude walks up to me.  compact build, muscular, tight fade - cute.  he reaches out his hand and introduces himself.  we chat for a good hour or so.  just random chit chat about our lives etc.  neither of us seem to know a ton of people at the event so its nice to have someone to chat with. 

at some point during this chat i realize dude's totally hitting on me.  cool, he's nice and cute and i'm always up for some fun.  i normally arrange my hookups online but what the hell.  we talk about where were from, family, what we like to do for fun, etc.  every now and then he makes a comment about how sexy he finds me which makes me blush.  he asks for my digits so we exchange contact info.

later that nite i get a pretty lengthy text from dude about how into me he is and that he really wants to hang out and get to know me more, am i free the next night to go to an event with him, that kind of thing.  cool.  a little excessive but whatever.   this could be fun. 

however, somehow i kind of forgot about the trans bit. 

i don't know why, but when we were chatting and flirting at the event it was just fun and i really seriously forgot that dude doesn't know me, he didn't really know many people at the event so wouldn't have been able to ask about me, as a result its very likely he doesn't know i'm trans and thinks he's talking to a bio dude.  when i got his long text i realized i wanted to make sure dude knew the deal so i texted him back that i'm a trans guy and just wanted to make sure he knew. 

i never heard from him again. 

this really bothered me.  my best friend was like, whatever man, he's just a transphobic ass.  which is true.  i mean rejection always sucks but its not like i was all hot and bothered for dude or overly interested, i'm not desperate for a hook up right now, i thought he was cute and we could have a little fun together.  that's it.  its also not like i have not been rejected by guys before for being trans - i cannot count the number of times dudes have cut off communication or sent a polite rejection on learning my ftm status. 

so why did this particular incident bother me so much?  i think what it was about this interaction is that dude was really into me on a level of physical attraction and mental/emotional connection.  it was clear from our hour long chat at the event and his text after.  in that moment of flirting we were just two gay guys hitting it off and it was fun and sexy. 

in that moment i really just forgot that while i am a guy and gay as all hell that to some people i will never be a 'real guy' in their eyes.  one they can flirt with, date and/or fuck.

i really just forgot.  and that forgetfulness was kind of great.  

on the day to day i pass pretty easily.  and i work to hold the privilege in that.  however i'm always thinking about my transness whether its at the line at the store wondering what pronoun the teller will use or at the gym trying to shower or just walking down the street.

at this event though i was in a queer space that i knew to be pretty trans friendly.  thus i felt pretty comfortable and relaxed.  i also have met, chatted, fucked enough non trans gay dudes who have no issues with the fact that i'm trans that i've perhaps become over confident.   

when i'm online looking for someone to fuck its feel different.  i think its because its really all about fucking, its about a physical/sexual attraction based on looks, its about bodies and body parts.  if there is a connection beyond that all the better, but i don't and most people on those sites don't expect more.  so if a dude doesn't wanna play around with my particular anatomy as long as they are respectful it almost, not entirely, but almost feels like what i imagine it feels like when people choose who they are gonna fuck based on the type of cock they prefer.  fucked up but par for the course i believe in the world of online hook up sites.  

this rejection felt different and it pissed me off.   

when it comes down to it what really bothered me was that we were having a real person to person connection and it was a just an unwanted reminder of how quickly what happens to be between my legs can always change that

An Ode to Trans Guys

I’ve been trying to understand what’s happening to me.

I’ve never been attracted to femme women. Not even when I was expected to, in my former life as a butch lesbian. How then do you explain this? I went out with this girl recently. We were to meet at a soul food spot and I was well on my way to being tipsy by the time she got there. She looked better in person, with her punkish haircut and cute nerdy glasses. She wasn’t skinny, but had some meat on her, supple and curvy, nice round ass, ample breasts (I’m starting to be a big fan), all of that. I got hard and wet just by looking at her, which, again, used to be a rare occurrence for me, but I’m discovering is definitely no longer the case.  She hugged me during our hellos and her body was that combo of softness and hardness that I just love. I wanted run my hands up and down her body, ending up on her round ass, which I wanted to caress and squeeze and do all kinds of pervy things to.

We were both quite tipsy by the end of the date and well into each other. After dinner, she asked to walk me to my train station and it was done in this really smooth, ‘chivalrous’ way that had me kinda swooning. At the train station, we chatted some more and in my head I’m strategizing about the best way to kiss this girl. Then I try to remember the last time I “kissed a girl” and just when I realize it’s been a whopping 10 freaking years, she asks, “can I kiss you?”  I smile and she smiles. I lean in, as does she. Our lips touch and part as the tips of our tongues graze. We softly suck on each other’s lips, tongues grazing again. It was shy and hot and “sweet”, to use her wording. It was a kiss that promised things to come and since then I’ve thought about her enough to make me eager for the next hang out. Which shouldn’t be long now and will hopefully include something a little more interactive than a kiss.

This is only part of the story of my recent sexual transformation.

The other part is my renewed interest in trans men.

Maybe it’s partially because of the dude I’m fucking with right now. He’s cuuuttteee. Ink work all over his body, a few steel piercings here and there, and a long chain draped around his neck. He’s a tad shorter than me, which is cool as I always used to have more sexual chemistry with trans dudes around my build (give or take.) He came over to my crib after we’d had a somewhat awkward dinner situation. Dinner was somewhat awkward partially because I’d hit the sticky icky beforehand, so I was a little tongue tied, which happens to me sometimes when I smoke. (Other times you could stuff my mouth full of rocks and I still wouldn’t shut up.) Race shit also had a lot to do with the awkwardness. My blackness and his whiteness mean we’ve had very different life experiences. There of course was the commonality of our transness, queerness, radical politics, etc. But I think we were trying to find some real ways of connecting beyond those things. Well, thankfully, we found one way much, much later, in the confines of my apartment, beneath my maroon linen sheets…after watching vintage gay porn.

This boy was beautiful.

I made sure to lick every surface of his skin. I especially made sure to suck and lick that delicious clit/cock of his and he let out this deep, deep moan in response. Which probably woke the neighbours, but so what? They fuck too. Or at least I hope they do if they want to.

I was so hard.

His wet mouth around my clit felt so warm. Licking the tip, tongue encircling it, and then sucking the whole cock into his mouth. I kind of lost my head for a moment or three. He got on top, spread my legs wide and rubbed his cock on mine. We ground together like this forever. Grunting into each other’s ear, hot breath splashing onto each other’s cheeks. He lowered his face and sought my tongue with his. I sucked on his bottom lip, then the top.

“I get so horny just feelin’ your hard cock on my thigh,” he whispered into my ear when I got on top of him a little bit later. I was so fucking hard.

Then I decided I just had to fuck him with my strap.

He was open to it.

The question in my lust-addled mind was where the hell did I put that strap? It’d been that long since I’d used it. That’s how wide open this cutie had me. First I wanted to fuck his brains out, then I wanted him to fuck the shit outta me. I spent a few minutes searching, but nothing. Meanwhile, he’s sitting on my bed butt-ass naked, looking totally fuckable and that’s when I came to my senses. Instead of wasting this precious time, I could just fuck him with his dildo. Save the strap for next time cuz we were too damn horny right now for long-term searches.

And that’s exactly what I did.

He climbed on me, slid down the cock sighing loudly as his wet pussy met my hand at the base.

“You move, okay? So you can control how deep it goes,” I whispered up to him because he was tight. He started moving, plunging down and meeting my now wet hand, moaning louder each time. I tried to stay true to my word, but after a while I couldn’t help bucking my hips to meet his. My free hand grabbed his supple ass squeezing somewhat hard, finger playing with his asshole. That’s when he slammed down hard onto my hand, cock now completely buried in his pussy, letting out a loud guttural sound as he came, which definitely woke the neighbours.

After a few moments rest, we started again…

Saying goodbye later that night, we pressed our bodies together, clasped each other’s asses and kissed deeply, sloppily.

“Stay in touch and let me know what you’re up to,” he said while heading towards the elevator in the hallway. I nodded as I closed the door behind him.

For a good 20 minutes after he left, I stood in the middle of my living room lost in deep thought. I was feeling all kinds of confused about this recent development in my sexuality – it’d been years since I’d fucked anyone but cis guys. But I’m usually not one to make a big deal about transitions like these, so eventually I just started thinking about the many ways we fucked that night. Inevitably, I got horny again and quickly disappeared into my room.

I’m sure you can guess how the night ended.

a 7am fuck

It was late Saturday night, I was tired and i decided to check my accounts and saw a message from a cute guy, white, lots of tats and piercings which i love, and he was very close by. I messaged him back and he responded immediately. We started chatting back and forth - he'd been with trans guys before, seemed cool. He wanted me to come over immediately, but I was very tired, had to be up early the next day and not really in the mood. So we said another time.

I got up around 7am and was getting ready to go to the gym while checking my messages. Dude from last night messaged me. He said want to come over now? He only had about an hour or so but thought we could make it happen. So this is the thing. His place is actually on the way to my gym.   For folks who follow this blog its pretty obvious i'm all about convenience.  So I said yeah, why not, let me just take a quick shower. He said no come now I like funk. I said no I need to shower to feel comfortable but i will be there soon. So i hop in the shower and then head over.

I jump on my bike and am there quickly. He lets me in, he's definitely my type.  He lives in a big, artsy loft kind of place.  He leads me to his room and we get right to it. We both strip, he's already hard, i get on my knees in front of him and get to work on his cock. He looks down at me and says you are such a small guy (he's pretty big - 6ft semi muscular and built) as i take him down my throat. 

He leads me to his bed which is built under an overhead loft. He slips on a condom and I mount him. The overhead loft bit means that there are lots of places i can hang from as i ride him - this is very hot.  I fuck him hard, stroking him with my cunt, sliding up and down his hard cock til i feel myself cumming. Then he flips me over lifts up my legs and pushes into me.  He's fucking me rough and fast, pounding his full weight into me.  He say's he's getting close.  Says he can't cum with a condom.  He pulls out, removes the condom and cums all over my face.

After we clean up a little, we chat for a bit, short chat cuz he has to go. We talk tatoos, piercings, politics.  Then I wash up, he gives me his number (the hook up arrangement had been so fast we didn't even exchange cells) and i head out. Hop on my bike again and head to the gym in time for my 8am workout.

flakes

lately i've had a run of flakes.

this dude and i had hooked up a long time ago.  it was a fun hook up nothing spectacular.  sexy, stereotypically hot gay boy.  every once in a while he would message me and say hi.  he hit me up recently to say we should get together again soon.  so i'm game.  he was pretty persistent about it however it was during a week i was very busy so i tried to squeeze him in however i had to cancel (which i let him know in advance).  so we rescheduled for sunday night.  i sent him my address as i was hosting and he said cool.  i'll see you sunday night around 9pm.  so sunday i'm running around doing lots of stuff but i make sure i'm home in time for the hook up.  so dude doesn't show.  no text no message.  i know its all par for the hook up scene and it has happened to me before with a regular (who i let go for that reason - i don't have time for flakes).  and there are countless times where i've said to a dude or had it said to me yeah lets hook up later in the week or over the weekend and i or the dude or both of us don't follow up.

however this is only the 2nd time i've actually set a date and time with someone and they totally flake. its annoying and lets just be honest a blow to my ego.  its not that i was particularly excited about this hook up or actually feeling particularly horny it was one of those 'why not' kind of hook ups.  i still feel like a loser.  and i know its silly cuz this is just a hook up, its just fucking, yet seriously...

then later that same week i had arranged a hook up with this dude.  new hook up.  we had messaged a month or so ago and he was pretty persistent but it was a busy time for me and we just were not able to make it happen.  however this guys is seriously hot - not in that stereotypical gay boy way but in this brown, i'm all muscle, when i walk my arms don't move they are so big kind of way.  major muscle head.  so fucking hot.  so we planned to meet up one friday night.  we had set it up earlier that day.  so i texted him an hour before just to give him final details.  no word.  the time we are supposed to meet rolls around and he's a no show.  i text him to see if he's still coming.  he texts back that he's not sure if he can make it.  annoying....   why are all these dudes so flaky lately.  really what happened to common courtesy.  i know its just fucking but seriously, let a guy know if you're not gonna make it. (we actually do end up hooking up a week or so later and its nothing mind blowing...)

annoyed and this time i'm horny.  so i message another new hook up and he comes over and fucks the hell out of me. 

raw ass fucking

in my previous post transfag barebacking i wrote about how i was going through this period of doing a good amount of barebacking.  and to be honest it scared me a bit.  however writing that piece helped me to figure out what i wanted in a way that i could make safer choices.

i know there may be disapproval about this piece, but its a choice i made, definitely after some thought, it was not the safest choice and i'm not at all advocating it, but i own it as a decision i made at the time.  

so there is this dude i've been fucking for over a year now.  guy of color, round my age, bi but only fucks non trans women now except for me.  he's a real fucking asshole in alot of ways.  i would never date him, however he is a good to great fuck and very convenient. 

he says he's free of stds and i know he tests regularly for everything cuz he wants to be a sperm donor to make extra cash.  for better or worse i believe him. 

anyways, when we first started hookin up he asked if he could fuck my ass raw.  i said maybe after we've gotten to know each other a little better.  i don't know why i said that since at the time i had no intention of letting that happen.  actually to be honest i probably said it cuz i wanted to make sure he kept fucking me.  however so every once in a while he will check in.  "can i fuck ur ass raw now?".  i always say "not yet man". 

however, recently i decided that he is pretty safe given all of the above.  so he hit me up one night and i told him, i decided he could fuck me raw. 

and i really want it.  i want to feel a dude cum in my ass.  sorry to be crude but that's what i want.

i get to his place, we chat a bit then get to fucking.  i suck his cock til he's hard.  then i bend over, lube up my ass and he puts the tip of his cock to my hole.  he begins to push in.  i'm tight but he takes it slow until his cock pops into place.  then he begins to stroke me.  so hot.  we are both moaning and loving it.  he fucks me for a while and he says do you want me to cum.  i say yeah, but he says he's not even close.

he fucks me for a while more, but i can't take it anymore (i can last way longer with pussy fucking).  so he pulls out.  its a bit messy which is not so much my thing or his so he we both clean up.  it was however still very hot.

he's still hard.  he sits back on a chair and i kneel between his legs taking his cock into my mouth.  i suck him off while jerking myself off.  i cum hard his cock in my mouth.  i keep sucking him off til i feel him starting to cum.  i keep my mouth around his cock licking his tip as he shoots a huge load into my mouth.