mr sweat

NOTE:  Hookups are inherently risky - this piece is about a hook up that reminded me of that in case you want to skip it.  

I had hooked up with two of my regulars on Saturday. One in the afternoon who's a quick fun hook up and then the other at night who i really like and is a much longer experience....

Its now Sunday afternoon and I'm tired. However, I'm just surfing the sites to see what's going on when a cutie hits me up.  and he is not far away.  i head over.  he is a big guy which i couldn't really tell from his pics but is ok with me.  we get to it right away.  he has porn playing on his laptop.  we both strip.  i kneel between his legs and blow him.  i grab a condom and slide it on. he's big and rough.  pushes into me hard, pounds his hips into me, its hot, but then he starts to sweat.  i don't mind sweat.  i mean everyone sweats.  but this is ridiculous.  he is on top of me and the sweat is pouring off him and dripping all over me, on my face, into my mouth.  its too much.  i stop him and push him onto his back.  i ride him til we both cum.

i roll off him and lay back for a second catching my breath.  we chat for a few while we recover and then i say i have to go.  he says 'ah, already' and starts kissing me rolling his sizable body on top of me.  i can feel that he is hard again.  but i'm done.  i stop him and just say 'nah man i really gotta go'.  he grinds his hips into me, i feel his hard cock on my stomach and says 'are you sure?'.  i say 'yeah man'.  there is a moment when i think 'what if he doesn't get off, dude is so much bigger than me...'  however, instead he grabs me in a huge bear hug and says 'ok' and rolls off me.

i've been really fortunate (knock on wood) exploring the world of anonymous play.  no one has forced me to do anything i did not want to.  in most cases if things were to go awry just the pure physical size of my hookups versus my small frame put me at a major disadvantage especially when im buck naked.  while this dude had no intention of forcing me to do anything, that moment when i thought 'what if he doesn't get off me' was a reminder of my vulnerability.  

short fucks

in appreciation of the short, quick fuck.

fuck 1
dude and i had just started chatting on one of the sites recently.  very cute, used to date a trans guy.  as usual scheduling issues made it hard to hook up.  finally we arrange a date.  he got lost so was late, but eventually made it.  as cute in person as his pics.  small, average build.  we make out and strip.  he spreads my legs and plays with my clit.  i take his cock into my mouth and blow him.  he has a nice, cut medium size cock.  i slip a condom on him and he pushes into me.  'damn you feel so good', 'you're so tight', he moans as his hips pound between my legs.  he lifts my legs to his shoulders and watches as his cock slides into me.  'i'm getting close' he moans.  'cum man' i say, i haven't cum yet but i wasn't necessarily looking to cum.  he speeds up and moans as he shoots inside me.  we chat for a bit after, he show's me pics of his ex then he has to go as his boyfriend is waiting for him.  50 minutes

fuck 2
i had not seen this guy in over 2 years.  he lives really far away.  i'm having one of those days when everyone is cancelling on me and i'm horny.  he hits me up as he does now and then.  we chat and i say he is too far but he says he will come to me and can be there in an hour.  perfect.  he is very cute in a seattle grunge long hair kind of way.  he arrives and we start making out immediately.  strip and he sucks my nips as i remember now he really likes to do.  we grind and kiss and he's hard, he has a nice thick uncut cock and i want him in me.  i grab a condom and he pushes in.  fucks me missionary then turns me over and fucks me from behind.  we fuck for about 20 minutes until he cums grinding his hips into me as he shoots.  we chat some, he cleans up and heads out.  40 minutes

fuck 3
this asian boy and i used to be pretty regular fuck buds sometimes it was good sometimes ok.  i have written about him before (tale of two cocks).  however for various reasons it has been at least a year since we last fucked.  i have somewhere i need to be around 7pm.  we arrange to meet at 6pm.  he gets held up and show's up at 6:30pm.  we both strip right away.  i kneel down and blow him quickly.  'let's fuck he says'.  i grab a condom and ask how he wants me.  he bends me over so i'm on my hands and knees and he pushes into me from behind.  fucks me doggy style.  his balls hitting my clit with each stroke.  he used to be able to go for a long time but we are both in a hurry.  after about 10 minutes he says he's getting close and i tell him to cum and he shoots inside me - big load, i remember that he shoots big loads.  we chat for a bit but i gotta go so he cleans up and head out the door.  30 minutes

"do i have a gut?" - quick fucks and body image continued

lately i've been hanging out more frequently with a crew of non trans gay guys of color ranging in ages from 20's to 40's all very apolitical not at all in the activist left leaning circles i usually run.  they are generally all good, kind caring guys and i have fun hanging out with them for the most part.

one of the first pieces i wrote for this blog was about body image and hook ups - "do i have a gut".  I've been thinking more about this lately due to this new crew i've been hanging with.  the incredible pressure that gay guys internalize around body image.

every single guy, except for one, in this group of long time friends has had some type of surgery to make his body closer to that stereotypical gay male ideal, in some cases more than one.  i had of course heard about gay guys and plastic surgery but i figured it was a wealthy white gay boy kind of thing.

These guys are not rich at all, they saved up thousands of dollars for these procedures.  from hair plugs (dude was in his 20's when he got them) to butt implants, calf implants, and pec implants to surgeries to lose weight like lap bands and lipo.  

while i have not had any surgeries i know that i am as sucked into the gay male body idealism as anyone else.  and i do believe it has gotten progressively worse.  i find myself more self conscious of my body when fucking then i used to be.  i used to think about how i look while i'm fucking periodically.  now i find its a pretty regular occurrence.  'ugh, it looks like i have a gut right now'...  and then it definitely intersects with my internalized transphobia, thoughts like 'he's probably looking at my hips and thighs'....

its gotten to the point that i've realized in some convoluded way sometimes i would rather not fuck dudes who are toned and cut because it makes me extra self conscious about my own body.

its become pretty clear to me that the sizeism of the gay boy world has brought me back to a place.  like many folks raised as girls for most of my childhood starting as young as seven and into my teen years i saw myself as overweight and unattractive.  please note this is only my experience, every trans guy relates to how they were raised and socialized differently i.e. some trans guys were socialized as boys.

in college however i was exposed to a politic that sought to fight the sexist, racist, sizeist ideals of beauty.  that centered a belief that everyone is beautiful and that what you wear or look like is not what's important but who you are, what you believe and what you do.  for many years i embraced this belief.

when i started hormones i definitely became more conscious of how i dress and look as a means to pass.  and no doubt there is alot of sizeism and body image pressure in the transmasculine world but for some reason it didn't impact me so much i believe largely because my core communities sought to resist this and held strong to a body positive politic.

but now the gay boy hook up world is definitely messing with my head.  i believe strongly everyone should love their body and everyone is sexy in their own way.  but applying that belief to myself has gotten more and more difficult.

holiday fuck

i was out of town visiting fam for the holiday.  i was getting hit up alot on all the sites - a wide variety of cuties.  however, i'm here to spend time with my family who i don't see often and it doesn't feel right to leave them alone while i go fuck some dudes.  i am in town for nearly two weeks though so i figure i'll give myself one day to play.  i decide on this one dude because he is interesting, into bdsm, lots of tats, brown skin, just a little taller than me so not a big guy but very cute.

however he is very, very persistent which is a flag for me, not always but often in my experience overly persistent guys either want more than just a fuck i.e. become stalkerish and/or want to be your husband after the first meet up or are desperate for a fuck for a wide range for reasons....(no judgement, just not my thing) but there is something about this particular guy that intrigues me.

we chat on and off for a few days.  i will be his first trans guy.  even though getting to him will be a trek i decide to go for it over closer options.    the day arrives when we have arranged to meet.  i tell my family i'm meeting a friend and head for the bus.  i'm still feeling unsure and nervous about this hook up.  i know that its largely because i'm not on my home turf so feel off my game.  there is also something about his look that is borderline hot/serial killer...  i mean he is very nice but aren't most serial killers nice at the start?  he offers to pick me up repeatedly which i decline, i always feel safer being able to get to a hookup on my own.  he seems to sense my uncertainty suggesting i take a picture of his home and text it to someone when i get there.  which actually makes me more nervous in some kind of weird way i.e. maybe this means i definitely should be nervous.

however i decide to proceed.  its a long bus ride and the bus stop is a bit of a trek to his place, i stop and pick up some beers on the walk.  i finally get there and his home reassures me, for some reason i was picturing a small house, with an empty yard and one car in the front, i don't know why that says serial killer to me...  but instead its a small home with no real yard, a kayak hanging in the garage, a couple cars in front (turns out he has a roomie), a mountain bike chained to the fence.

he lets me into his place which is neat and clean (a thing i have) and has a really nice view.  he is cuter than his pics in person.  he says his roomie is home but doesn't care.  i tell him i brought some beers to which he says he does not drink.  i immediately feel like an ass, i usually ask guys before i bring beer, so much of our communities are in recovery and all.  i apologize and say i don't need to drink and start to put the beer away.  but he say's no its cool, he has been in recovery for a while and doesn't have cravings anymore and he wants me to be comfortable.  he cracks one open and hands it to me.

i take a few sips.  he says you are so cute and sexy and runs his hands down my back.  i smile and put the beer down.  we start making out and he is a very good kisser.  i pull off his shirt and take off mine.  he has the most incredible six pack i have ever seen.  i lie back on the bed and he lies on top of me kissing and grinding.  he starts to suck my nipples which is always an immediate turn on for me.   i reach down for his belt, undue his jeans and stroke his sizable cock through his briefs.  he's hard.  i push him back and we both strip.  i lie back on his bed buck naked.  he says 'you are so hot' as he looks down at me.

i sit up and take his hard thickness in my mouth.  my tongue sliding up and down his length, my lips wrapped around his head.  he groans.  i go at him for a bit then he stops me and asks if he can give me a massage.  nice.  he turns me onto my back and begins to rub oil down my back, ass, legs, his sizable hands kneading my shoulders and moving down.  then he turns me over and begins kissing my nipples and moves down between my legs.  he licks at my clit with the tip of his tongue.  asks if its ok, i tell him to do it a bit lighter, which he does and it feels fucking amazing.  his tongue slides up and down the length of me repeatedly, slipping in and out of me.  i'm very wet and at this point i want more.

i stop him and ask if he has a condom.  he grabs one out of his dresser and puts it on the bed, but then pushes me back plunging his head between my legs.  i just can't get enough he says as his tongue circles my clit.  finally i really can't take anymore and i push him onto his back, grab the condom and slip it on.  then i mount him, slowly as he is a good size, i slide slowly down his cock until he is deep inside me.  we both moan.  i ride him taking the full length of him then pull him on top of me and he fucks me deep, his hips pounding between my legs our bodies rubbing tightly together my legs entwined with his.  we fuck hard and fast, i grab his ass pushing him deep with each stroke.  then he sits up so he's kneeling and can watch his cock sliding in and out of me.  he reaches over and grabs a vibrator from his dresser and places its tip on my clit as he fucks me.  the thrusting of his cock and the vibrations on my clit are bringing me very close.

then he pulls me over so i'm riding him again.  our bodies are slick with the massage oil.  i ride him slow at first, feeling his thickness, then faster, my clit sliding against him as i ride, until i cum collapsing on top of him.  he is still hard as a rock however, but he pulls out and wraps me in a spoon.   we rest for a bit and i look up and realize i've been there over two hours at this point and i need to go.  he says you have to go huh?  i say yeah, but you haven't even cum.  he says no worries, it was more than hot.

i feel a bit bad but not enough to be late to meet my fam so we both clean up.  he insists on at least driving me part of the way which i accept.  on the way we chat he is a really nice guy but i realize that my initial instincts were somewhat right on.  if i actually lived here i think he would have already had boyfriend visions in his head.  however this was definitely a hot fuck.  he drops me off and we part with a quick kiss.  

quickie

i was out of town visiting family.  i had just finished working out at the local gym.  it was about 7am or so.  i logged onto scruff cuz there is a starbucks next to the gym re:  free wifi.  this dude i had been chatting with hit me up.  i said well i'm just leaving the gym but if your up for a quickie i'm game, where yuh at?  he sent me his address and he was very close by.  i said i can head over now if you like, do you have condoms?  he said no do you?  But don't worry i'm hiv negative.  i said no i don't have one (i was just going to the gym not expecting play....) and safe only.  he says let me look.  his next message says, ok found one.  cool i say.  i'll head over.

he says i want you to come in, get on your knees, suck me off hard and then bend over and let me fuck you from behind with your clothes still on.  then i want to pull out and cum on your asshole.  i say all cool, but you can cum on my back.

i head over, get a bit lost on the way but it really takes less than five minute.  i knock and he lets me in.  his cock is already out and he's stroking it.  its dark in his living room. i say are you the only one home?  he says no.  i take off my hoodie and drape it over a chair.  get on my knees and take his cock into my mouth.  i suck him off good and hard.  to be honest i barely looked at the dude.  i vaguely remember from his profile that he's a cute 20's something bearded type.  after a bit i pull back he's erect but not as hard as i prefer but i'm ready to be fucked.

he picks up a condom, lubes up.  i turn around, drop my gym shorts and briefs down to my knees and bend over his couch.  he pushes into me doggy style.  fucks me hard and fast.  i grunt and moan as i take his cock.  after a bit he pulls out.   strips off the condom and begins jerking off.  i do the same.  stroking my clit as he strokes his dick.  as i feel his cum spurt on my back i begin to cum.  he shoots a huge, huge load all over me.  when we are both done he says don't move.  his cum is dripping all over me, down my back, onto my ass.  he grabs a towel, wipes me up, somewhat.  i pull up my gym shorts his cum making the fabric stick to my legs.  thank him and head out the door.  hop back in the family car and head home for a shower. 

finger fucking

I really liked fingering her.

It was the way she'd grab me and squeeze, her wetness coating my finger as I stroked. I loved the way her body would buckle when my finger curled inside her, rubbing a spot that'd make her moan and scream. She came faster and more often than any one I'd ever fucked. The first time we made out, we were chilling on my sofa, sexual tension in the air so thick. I could tell she wanted me to make the move and I'm usually the trepidatious one when it comes to first moves.
"Can I kiss you?" I finally asked.
"Don't you mean may I?" Yes, yes, she'd been giving me sexy snarkiness all night. Her brand of flirtatiousness I guess.

She was all tongue when we kissed and I loved it. The longer we kissed the more turned on I got, like I was falling into some lust-ridden ocean. Have you ever experienced that? A lust that just deepens and deepens till it feels way bigger than you and the other person (or persons) creating it? Before I knew it her tank was down to her waist. Her hands were up my A-shirt. We were twisting our bodies to fit in that couch, not noticing how uncomfortably cramped it was because we just wanted to get closer and closer.

My hand crept up her bare thigh to her wet panties and I played on the outside of her, enjoying the feel of her moisture soaked underwear and her pussy beneath. She felt hot under there and I wanted to slip my finger through the fabric and into her. Instead I held back and slowly circled her hard clit, which I could feel. She sighed into my mouth, her tongue working mine more vigorously, her hand around my neck, craning to bring me closer to her if that was even possible given how physically wrapped around each other we already were. Eventually she stood up, took my arm and dragged-pulled me into my dimly lit bedroom. She was not shy, this one. She pushed me onto my bed, straddled me and slowly took off her tank and sports bra. I tried to sit up because I really wanted to lick and suck her nipples, but she held me down and roughly pulled off my a-shirt. Then she placed both hands on my chest, moved her skirt out of the way and ground her hot and wet panty-ed crotch on mine. She moved like she knew what the fuck she was doing. My hands wrapped around her round ass and squeezed, grinding her hard, internally cursing the shorts and boxers barrier between our bare pussies. I wanted to feel her but I wanted her to decide when. Eventually she grabbed my shoulders and did this hot flip over thing and then I was on top and she pulled my head down to her chest. I hungrily lapped and sucked and encircled with my tongue, alternating between nipples.

At first I was gentle, but her sighs and moans and groans got me hungrier so I bit hard on a nipple.
She emitted a "yes..." while her legs curled underneath me. I spread them, moved her panties to one side with my fingers and my god she was so fucking wet.

"You're so fucking wet," I said into her breast where my mouth was still planted, kissing and licking while my middle finger parted her pussy and plunged into her quickly, making her buckle and twist and utter unintelligibles. I wanted her bad. This wasn't going to be no slow n' gentle finger fucking. As I fucked her I licked and bit my way from her breasts up her neck to her open mouth and her tongue was ready. I sucked that too. She reciprocated with mine. Our mouths clasped and wouldn't let go. Down below, my middle finger was curling and uncurling, gently twisting, roughly going in and out. Our mouths unclasped.

"Oh god...," she muttered
"You like that?"
"Yes...god." I slipped in another finger which made for an even tighter fit.
"You like me fucking your pussy?" I was whispering into her ear and she must have liked that because I felt more wetness on my fingers and hand.
"Yes...oh god...don't stop. I'm gonna..." Her body did the buckling and winding thing beneath me. Her hands around me tightly. Suddenly I wanted to see my what my fingers were doing. I wanted to see her pussy swallow them in. So I moved down her stomach, kissing and licking on my way down and the sight that awaited me was just...

I wanted to fuck her deeper. Normally my strap-on cock would have made an appearance, but she just felt so damn good on my fingers. I lifted and bent one of her legs 90 degrees style, which opened her more and I slipped in deeper. The way her pussy would grab me was heaven. The wetness, the sounds as I slipped in and out, all of this just drove me wild.
"I could fuck you all night," and I meant it. Just as I said that she tightened around me. I didn't think she could get any tighter and I felt her orgasm start building, so I moved faster. Feeling every surface of her, curling and flicking my fingers inside her. She got really loud as she came and her body arched off the bed and damn what a beautiful sight. When she came down from that, she pulled me to her and held me in a tight embrace.

A few minutes later, I still lay on top of her. We kissed softly and gently, over and over and over. No tongue. Just wet lips clasping and unclasping, making loud suction sounds, hmm-ing from time to time. Then her hands wrapped around my shoulder, the kisses grew more urgent, her legs parted and my hand started sliding down...

just a good fuck

dude had hit me up on line the day before but i wasn't free.  twink of color.  twinks are usually not my type but he has a huge cock and that's what i happen to be looking for at the moment.  he has never been with a trans guy before.  we arrange to meet up.  he is mad late which is annoying.  he shows up and he is actually not twinkish at all.  big tall corn fed type.  not skinny, not muscular, not big or bearish.  very hot.  very much my type.  he's also incredibly smooth which i'm starting to realize is my preference.

we chat a bit over a beer then get to it.  we kiss our clothes still on. he's a good kisser.  i pull off his shirt and take of mine.  we kiss and grind just feeling each other's bodies.  i kneel down between his legs and unbutton his jeans pulling out his sizable cock.  i put him in my mouth and blow him.  he's big but for some reason i'm able to deep throat him which is very hot.  usually i can only deep throat with smaller guys.

i pull back and take of his jeans.  i strip and lie back on the bed.  he sucks my nipples and plays with my clit. then he spreads my legs and kneels down between them.  i feel his tongue on my clit, stroking it, then i feel his tongue inside me, as he licks the full length of me.  he seems like he could do this for a while but i can only take so much.  i stop him and push him onto his back.

i blow him a bit but he's fully hard and clearly ready.  i grab a condom (magnum xl) slip it on him, lube him up and put his tip to my hole.  i take it slow as he is big.  easing him into me until i can take the full length then i ride him.  as i ride him he moans and say my name.  hot.

so this was a very long session - it lasted 2 and half hours thus i can only give highlights.

he is kneeling between my legs, stroking me slow and steady, i can feel an orgasm building, nothing is touching my clit, the size of his cock and the angle of his fuck are making me cum.  he keeps stroking me as my body starts to tighten, i moan and grab his arms, his cock plunging in and out of me, so thick its stimulating my clit, i have never cum like this before, i throw my head back my eyes closed and cum hard

he is in a seated position and i'm riding him.  i'm fucking the full length of him, slamming my body onto his cock hard and fast and he's raising his hips to meet me.  its hard and loud and the bed threatens to break as we fuck each other.

he turns me over onto my hands and knees.  pushes the head of his cock into me.  slowly just the head at first.  then he begins stroking me slow i look back see him watching his cock slide in and out of me sometimes just the tip other times giving me his full length.  like he's exploring different ways to fill me.

we literally fucked for about 2 and a half hours non stop. towards the end i told him i couldn't do anymore.  he stripped off the condom and i blew him a bit then he jerked off,  stroking himself while playing with my clit.  blows his load on my chest.