Wednesday, June 1, 2011


We’ve all heard the stories about the dangers of online hook ups. People getting gay bashed, robbed, sexually assaulted or even killed. For us trans and gender queer folks the danger is even more so – someone get’s ‘surprised’ by what you have under your clothes or can’t deal with their desire for those of us who cross genders and become violent. Trans women bear the brunt of this - too many of our community are killed every year.

Knowing all of this my co blogger and I believe in being as safe as possible. We want to share some things that we do to be safer, again these are things that work for us, do whatever works for you.

This is anonymous sex… so we use that anonymous part of the equation for safety. My co blogger and I use anonymous emails (not our personal emails). My co blogger uses a version of his real name, one he does not normally use. I use my real name spelled differently than I normally do. We don’t give out our last names nor say where we work (I do make an exception for regulars who I’ve been seeing for a while and have some trust for).

screen em  both of us do a good amount of email/text exchange ahead of time.  some level of communication ahead of time at least for both of us gives a sense of if its an ok hook up to do or one that's better to skip.  what we like to do and don't, what our limits are, safer sex requirements, etc.  

love google maps. So I am a bit of a nerd but I always google map where I’m going both to figure out how to get there, but also to get a bit of the lay of the land especially if its an area I don’t know. This way if I have to make a quick exit I’m not totally clueless. I always make sure I have bus fare and when I have the cash I make sure to have just enough hidden away to grab a cab if I need to. I used to try and do new hook ups before it gets dark, I don’t stick to that anymore, but when I first started it definitely made me feel more secure.

safety buds  My co blogger and I both have safety buddy’s, people that we send info about where we are going and whatever contact info we have for each new hook up. I only text my safety buddy if I’m going on a new hook up and he knows if he doesn’t hear from me after a couple of hours that he should be concerned….. To me this always feels more psychological than practical.

we always pack, our own supplies that is. So this is more on the safer sex tip, but its all connected, so I always make sure to bring my own safer sex supplies, in my experience usually the guy has his own, but its always good to be prepared.

what's in my pants, 
this is just me, but I always try to make sure the guy know’s what he’s getting into, I’m not interested in having someone freak out when I pull down my pants or take off my shirt, this just feels safer to me. But particularly on this one, to each their own yuh know, I know some guys feel safer never bringing up the trans piece and negotiate sex however they need to feel safe.

So these are just a few strategies.  be safe : )

Also if there are things you do to keep safe please share

No comments:

Post a Comment