Giving Up the Ass

I hooked up with this white boy last summer, a computer programmer, shy and quiet demeanor. He was about 5'8", built the way I like - combination of hardness and softness. Big strong shoulders and round, soft middle. Strong as hell thighs that he'd just wrap around me and drive me crazy. A little bit of hair on his body, which I'm also really into.

He really wanted to fuck me in the ass and said as much my 3rd time at his place. We had started making out after watching porn. My recent T shot was making me extra touchy-feely-grindy. When he put my hand on his crotch, I could feel his hard cock through his jeans. We groped on each other, hastily pulling off each others shirts. He flipped me on my stomach, climbed on my back and dry humped the fuck out of me, roughly pushing his cock into ass. And that's when he said it, "I really want to fuck you in the ass. Do you want me to?" Believe me, right then I wanted nothing more than for him to rip off my pants and fuck me so hard, but I...couldn't let him fuck me there. For some reason, the idea of anal sex terrified the hell out of me. Not only did it seem so taboo, given all that I'd been socialized with in my former life as a middle class, demure black girl, but I'm a survivor of sexual violence and anal sex was one thing that, because of the pain, always seemed to trigger memories I didn't care to relive. The same memories that made me scared of sex for so many years, afraid to admit that I had desires. In my former life, I never felt like I owned my body and could derive pleasure from it. Whenever I fucked nontrans guys, who were most often clueless and didn't know or give two shits about how to pleasure a woman's body, memories of the abuse would always resurface and force me to shut down. Transitioning, being on hormones, increased my libido, which forced me to evaluate the role of sex in my life and work towards accepting myself as a sexual being.

Yet, I wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of getting fucked in the ass and I pondered this on train ride home, after leaving his place that night. A couple things quickly became clear. Firstly, I really wanted to try it. Yes, it's not something I feel compelled to do with most guys I slept with, but every once in a while I'd meet a dude and he'd get me so turned on that I'd want him to fuck me there. Secondly, I was of course afraid of the pain; it'd been a looonngg time since I'd had anything up that hole. Thirdly, I was also afraid of things getting messy. I'd heard about people doing an enema beforehand and I thought that was kind of extreme. I understand why though. I certainly didn't want poop to make an appearance while I was fucking. (I know there are folks who are into that. No judgment if you are one of those folks. It's not my thing.) By the time I got home that night, I realized that my biggest sources of fear where anal was concerned were: pain and poop. Okay, I was making some progress. I sought advice from my roommate and did some googling on the "pain and poop" (P&P) dilemma. Unfortunately, my research did nothing to assuage my fears - P&P are just a regular part of anal fucking. The pain fades after the 1st couple entries, depending on: how often you've been fucked, how relaxed you are during said fucking, your partner's girth, etc.. Poop emergence can be minimized by going to the bathroom beforehand and, if you're ultra paranoid about this (as I was), watch what you eat that day. I would stay away from beans or any high fiber foods.

The next time I went to his place I was ready and nervous as hell. Of course, as is my style, I went overboard on the preparation thing (pre-sex bathroom visits, showered, watched what I ate, etc.) We'd discussed things prior to my coming over. I was going to give up the ass, but it'd been a while and he knew this, so he was going to go slowly and be gentle. Later that night, I'm on my stomach on his bed as he stood over me, condoming and lubing his dick. He stroked himself, eyes trained on my bare ass. I in turn gazed at his hard, reddened cock, getting hornier by the sight of it. He climbed onto the bed, making his way towards me, cock bobbing in the air. "Lay on your stomach like that. It'll be easier..." I nodded. He lubed his finger and slowly entered me. I tensed for a split second. It felt...like I was about to take a dump or something. "Relax," he whispered into my ear and, maybe it was the way he whispered or his breath tickling my ear, somehow I relaxed. He gave me more of his finger, maintaining a slow rhythm. The initial discomfort subsided and it started to feel really good. My ass may have started to move in response. "You like that?" again the seductive whispering. I reached around and grabbed his hand, making him go faster and deeper. Eventually, he was on top of me, cock slowly slipping in and wow! After the head of his cock slipped in all the way, I had to stop him and give my ass time to adapt. "Do you want me to take it out?" he asked and I shook my head. The pain was really something else. However, I could sense a delicious fullness just beneath the pain. I could feel his warm, hard-yet-soft body on mine, his legs on either side of my legs, and his groin mashed into my ass. It was all so erotic and I just wanted him to go buck wild screwing me silly. I knew though, given my somewhat anal virginal status, buck wild ass fucking wasn't in the cards for me just yet. So while we waited for me to grow accustomed to the sensation, he planted soft wet kisses on my shoulder and neck, nibbled on my ear lobe, whispered how much he'd been jerking off imaging this. A mental image flashed in my mind. I saw him lying in bed, hand clasping cock, rubbing furiously. That did it. I moved my ass so he could give me more and he slowly pushed into me.

Much later, I discovered he was a pounder - the kind that gets into a zone, fucking like he's purging himself clean. I also discovered that having someone jerk on my clit while plunging in and out of my ass is easily the most wonderful thing in the world, next to coconut ice cream. More importantly, I learned that I could enjoy taking it as much as giving it, and it didn't have to be laced with bad memories or all around bad vibes. I still don't do anal (as a bottom anyway) with most of the guys I play with. For reasons I haven't analyzed yet, certain dudes just bring it out in me.

Mr. Thick

So I was supposed to meet up with one of my favs, a regular, but he is very flaky, I put up with it cuz I really like him, so of course around 7pm he texts me to say that an emergency came up and he probably can’t do it. In the mean time I’ve received three texts one from a new fav, one from a new potential that I’ve been trying to schedule, and another from a recent hook up that I’ve been trying to do again cuz he is unbelievably thick.

So I debate, do i do the new hookup which could suck or Mr Thick who I know will be good (not gonna hook up with the new fav as I just hooked up with him yesterday). I go with my third text – Mr Thick.

So I’ve hooked up with this guy before, I call him Mr. Thick because he is unbelievably thick. OK looking guy, Italian, short but very built, clearly used to be very muscular now more stocky, only thing is he’s very hairy, which is not so much my thing. However, as I said before he is very, very thick.

He lives alone, very fancy apartment in a very fancy apartment building, the first time we hooked up he fucked me three, maybe four times. Very hot. So its around 9pm and I head over. Get to his place and we exchange how are you’s and then get to fucking. He’s a good kisser, we kiss for a while and he plays with my nipples through my shirt which always gets me hard. We strip down and kiss and grind some more. I start sucking him off, he is very big and hard, so its difficult for me, i mean to give you an idea of his size imagine a soda can - he is at least that thick maybe more - and a good length as well.

then he puts me on my back, I ask him if he has condoms, he grabs one and slips it over his dick. I grab my lube and lather us both up. He starts to push inside me, I ask him to go slow at first, which he does, it hurts due to his size but in a good way.

He fucks me for a while, stroking me missionary style slowly letting my cunt get used to his cock, until i want more and start to fuck him back slamming my cunt against his cock, then he starts to fuck me hard flipping me onto my hands and knees and fucking me from behind pounding me - quick hard strokes that seem to go on forever. He stops to catch his breath and i push him onto his back, i slide back onto his cock and ride him slowly just enjoying the feeling then faster until i can't take it anymore and i feel myself starting to cum, but he keeps pushing into me stroking his hips up into my cunt as i clutch his chest and cum hard. then he pushes me onto my back, throws my legs over his shoulders and fucks me hard and fast until he shoots into me.

Afterwards as we’re sprawled across his bed he starts stroking his cock again, based on last time I figure we are gonna fuck some more, so I help him out and suck him off some, its takes him sometime to get hard again which I don’t care about, i ask him to put on a condom and we fuck again for a bit, but he can’t stay hard. This is when it starts to be less hot. I would say for the next hour he trys to get hard again but can’t stay hard, we try to fuck again but he can’t keep it up – I of course get fleeting thoughts of is it me…. But I know enough to squelch that ridiculousness...

I keep saying that its cool, we don’t have to fuck again, once is cool, etc. especially cuz it really was the first fuck was incredibly hot and I’m very good. however he is determined….. so an hour later, I’m a little sexually frustrated, really I don’t care if we don’t fuck again, really, but him jerking off, even unsuccessfully has me going again. Anyways, he apologizes profusely and I keep saying not to worry about it. I ask him if he minds if I jerk off, he kisses me and strokes my nipples while I jerk off.

Then I rinse off, grab my shit and head out the door. He keeps apologizing. I feel bad for him so I send him a text thanking him again and saying not to worry about it. Of course he doesn’t text back and I never hear from him again.... non trans guys can be so ridiculous about their dicks.

New Adventures on Craigslist II: The Week-long Bonefest

This is a follow-up to "New Adventures on Craigslist"

Well as the week progressed, my goals changed, radically. For one, my roommate had to unexpectedly leave town for a week, which meant I could host. So, after my plans with Mr. 12-incher et al fell through (yes, all those marvelous plans I had. How many came to fruition? Not a one), so I switched tactcs and did my homework. I identified a few guys who I knew (and hoped) would provide a diverse array of sexual experiences. There was the guy who responded to my craigslist ad because it had the word "lick" in it. More on him later. There was the dude whose cock pic immediately made me have to take a bathroom break at work, where I proceeded to furiously rub one out. There was gymrat. I've written about him before. I was ready to fuck him again since they first time turned out to be so damn hot. And there was a fourth dude, an Italian guy, who paid me a visit late late one night that week and had a thing for anal play. But I'm jumping ahead of myself.

7:30p Monday:
"I like to lick" was the opening line in his email. He'd attached his picture and described stats - 5'8", about 160lbs, long blond hair, cute. He was like one of those hippy granola dudes you'd expect to see hitchhiking in Oregon, or something, with a backpack slung on his back. We'd been sending each other titillating texts, things we liked to do, pussy & cock pics, etc. I met him for beer at a bar near my house. I couldn't tell you much about the conversation. He talked a lot. I nodded a lot. What is it with nontrans boys and talking? It's like they're trying to fill up a lot of space with words. I quickly finished my beer because this ain't no meet n' greet. We made our way to my apartment, then to my bedroom, and then my bed where he crawled on top of me like a cat. We made out for a bit. It was hot and wet. Lots of tongue, groping and mashing action. He knew how to undulate his hips like no boy I'd ever been with. When he made his way down to my pussy, I was doing joyful somersaults in my head. The first lick on my clit probably caused my eyes to roll back into my head. By the time he left, I was so sore, but it was the good kind of sore. The kind you get the next day after a particularly intense session at the gym or the kind you get after someone has alternated licking and fucking you for a few hours.

7:15p Tuesday:
Soreness be damned. I was ready for gymrat to come through. All day long he'd been texting me to confirm our date, asking "can I call you?" What is with this dude? Yeah, he was quite eager the first time we hooked up and I rather liked it. But we'd already established that we enjoyed getting each other off, so this whole "can I call you?" thing was a bit much. During my lunch break at work, I go for a walk and give him a ring. He's happy to hear from me, he says in low tones, and just wants to confirm again. We agree again to meet at 7. I hang up feeling worked up, my clit at half mast. Eagerness sometimes really turns me on. When he comes over that night, his kisses are rough and hungry. He lies on top of me, holding me really tightly, his crotch rubbing up on mine. "You like that boy?" He whispers gruffly in my ear, "you like feeling my hard cock?" before biting and sucking on my ear lobe. He unbuttons my jeans, and slides his hand underneath my boxers and onto my pussy. More choice questions are asked, his mouth still on my ear, ear lobe being played with. When he slides his cock into me later, I completely forget about how different this guy and I, about how our paths would probably never cross because we come from such contrasting walks of life. Right then, as he slowly bones me and I grab his smooth ass cheeks because he feels so damn good, we're just two heat-generating-pleasure-seeking bodies.

Wednesday:
I looked at R's cock pics on my phone a few times when I was feeling particularly uninspired at work. After one of those quick peeks, I excused myself to the bathroom and emerged 10 minutes later with smile on my face and a serious cramp in my right hand. After that subsided, I texted him, confirming our Saturday afternoon date. I was really looking forward to this one.

12am Friday:
Tony didn't look anything like his picture and I was kind of sore about it. Not the good kind of sore either. I could tell he was nervous though, because he just sat there on the couch with this silly grin on his face and gave monosyllabic answers to everything. To be fair, I don't like that initial face to face "we gotta make small talk to break the ice" bullshit either. We both know why he'd come all this way at this hour, so let's skip the pre-fuck jig. Exactly 7 minutes into our pre-fuck jig I got up and led him to my bedroom. For all that went on in there, only 2 things stand out. The first - his preference for anal play. He wanted me to fuck him with my strap, but to be honest after the uninspired performance he'd just given in the oral and vag sex department, I couldn't be bothered. So I used my finger, which requires substantially less effort. I did this for a short while and, okay, so maybe his moaning and writhing was kind of hot. At that point, though, it was too little too late. The 2nd memorable thing, the finale if you will, was his post-orgasm fart. It was...in fact, I'll just stop right here and leave the rest up to your imagination.

4:45pm Saturday:
It is true. I'm a bit of a size queen. I can't help that the sight of a big erect cock makes me want to furiously rub one out. My all time favorite is what I shall now refer to as "mushroom head". A healthy sized shaft balanced oh so sweetly by a healthy-sized head. That shit feels so good. R and I ended up fucking on the living room futon. I straddled his large thighs. Grabbing hand fulls of my ass in both hands, he literally jammed me onto his dick. Even now, just remembering that does things to me. Makes me tingle and shit. The whole time he's ramming me onto and off his dick, I'm holding onto his bald sweaty head or his broad shoulders, trying not to make dorky sex sounds but making them anyway. I realize then that I like big. Big cocks, true, and I don't pat myself on the back for this, but I'm just being honest. But I also like big stature. I don't need you to be a gym freak or muscle-head. I like the combination of softness and hardness. Big broad, hard shoulders matched by a soft rounded belly. R's belly rubbed against mine. The hair on his chest tickled my nipples. Our skin were almost the same shade of dark brown. His cock stroked a new spot and I spasmed. "I'm gonna cum again," I breathed into his ear. He pulled on my ass, making me take more of him in, and increased his pace.


Saturday Night:
Soreness. I am one sore mf. My body is so jelly-like that all I can do is lie on the couch and stare at the telly for hours. I ride this euphoric wave for a while and pass out sometime after Mad TV.

he was scared, petrified even

I got home from work after a really long day and sat down with a glass of wine to just chill. I wasn't planning to go on any hook ups, I was just surfing the sites to see what I could arrange for future dates, but then I got hit up by this very hot guy, a model, who also lived really close by (again my local hook up thing...) We chatted for a while online. At least an hour.

He’s only been with non trans boys before and wants to try fucking a pussy, said he's been fantasizing about it. He said it needs to be real discreet because his friends would make fun of him..... I said well you get that i'm a guy right, I look like a guy, he said yeah, that his friends however are asses sometimes.

He wanted me to come over in an hour which was way past my bedtime, but he convinced me so I hopped on my bike around 2am (I love biking late at night), I was there in five minutes. He was very hot in that stereotypical gay boy kind of way – big, muscular and toned, brown skin, tattoo across his chest.

This big, incredibly hot, muscular guy who could easily literally pick me up and toss me out the door if he wanted was scared. Petrified is probably a better word.

He kept chatting about random things, couldn't really look at me, he kept saying how nervous he was. It was actually very cute. I kept reassuring him that there was nothing to be nervous about.

I had to lead him to his bed - he lay back on it. He already had his shirt off. I sucked his nipples some. I asked him if he wanted me to take off my shirt (no top surgery) he said yeah. So I stripped and then pulled off his shorts and boxers. He was not hard yet so I sucked him off for a while, my lips stroking his cock, i felt him growing hard down my throat. He moaned. I stopped, slipped a condom over his cock and guided him into me slowly, he was not that big or thick i just wanted to enjoy the look on his face as he entered me - his eyes wide open watching me.

I rode him for a few minutes, slowly, loving his look of pleasure, and he told me he was gonna cum, after a few more strokes he shot into me. It was quick but hot.

Afterwards as I was getting dressed he thanked me and said it was "different" with this kind of confused expression on his face. I smiled because the way he said it was very cute - like he just didn't know what to think about what just happened. Then i hopped on my bike and was home in five. It all took less than an hour.

I texted him thanks and he texted back "Thanks bro, have a good nite."

"No blacks. No fems.": Hooking up and Black/Femme-phobia

Disclaimer: In this post I mainly focus on black-phobia because that's the type of racism I can speak to the most, however I recognize that racism plays out in many ways for different races on these sites. This piece speaks to my experiences as a black man of African descent, and not necessarily those of black people of other descents or ethnicities.

"I'm a masculine guy and I like the same. No fems! Into whites and Latinos. Not into Blacks. (Sorry no offense)." I looked at the picture next to the profile, which showed only the torso of what was obviously a white guy. A hooking-up newbe, I'd been perusing this sex site for a couple weeks, barely able to get a bite. By now I'd seen enough "no femmes" and "not into feminine dudes" warnings in numerous profiles to get wise to the fact that the more masculine you looked, the more ass you got. The race issues I noticed during my initial introduction was also jarring, when, in retrospect, they really shouldn't have been all that surprising. It quickly became obvious to me that the hook up scene, because of the anonymity it affords, is where oppressive attitudes and ideas about race, gender, and bodies, play out in the most unabashed way.

Signing up for an a4a account was one of my first declarative steps into the nsa/hook up scene. I was newly on hormones (again). Newly out as a transfag - a trans man who is attracted to other trans and nontrans men. I wanted to explore my sexual attraction for nontrans men in particular. Meeting nontrans men in real life proved to be difficult, since they were usually put off by my, then, gender ambiguity. I ventured into the world of a4a and manhunt because I liked the straightforwardness of these sites - you meet someone, message for a short bit, and eventually fuck if your interests are aligned. After my first few times perusing, I was blown away. So many profiles were like warped responses to gay male stereotyping around manhood; phrases like "no fems" or "I'm a masculine man. You be the same," abound. I noticed a lot of black and brown men included these phrases in their profiles. On one level, this rejection of femininity was demoralizing, especially for a black trans man who was already grappling with notions of masculinity: what it meant and how to authentically express it.

At the same time, I wasn't that far into my transition and I was encountering men who saw me as a feminine boy and were drawn to me for that reason. I remember messaging this one white guy for a period of time. He was married, lived somewhere in the suburbs and wanted me to come over when his wife was out of town. I looked at this guy's picture, and, yeah, he was hot. He had that blue collar, salt of the earth thing. I was really into guys like that. Guys with big, hulking frames. Muscles and hair. Large hands and thick cocks. After I unveiled my body pics, he became more interested. "I like really feminine boys," he messaged back. I froze. Feminine? Me? That was certainly not how I saw myself. Was this reaction femme-phobic on some level? Does the fact that I'm mostly attracted to tough-looking and growly dudes make me complicit in all the sexist shit I see on these sites? These questions still plague me endlessly. I notice that every time a guy rejects me, saying or implying that I'm not masculine enough, I run to the gym in a bid to make my muscles bigger and more pronounced.

The many manifestations of racism on the sites are staggering. There are your profiles riddled with ridiculously racist language, where the authors clearly want nothing to do with dark skin. These typically have qualifiers like "Latinos & Asians preferred". The shameless ones, however, do away with subtleties, opting instead for clear warnings like "No blacks". Manhunt is particularly bad. First of all, it's a white-heavy site. Secondly, you have to pay for unlimited access, which means men on that site tend to come from middle-class, or higher, backgrounds. I lost count of the many "no blacks" profiles, posted by both white guys and many of men of color. Black-fetishism, I noticed, was another offshoot of racism. As my physical transformation progressed and I started passing more as a dude, there were some interesting reactions to the complexities of my racial and gender identities. Sometimes white guys will hit me up, wanting me to fulfill their Mandingo fantasies about being fucked silly by a black man. More often than not, these guys just looked at my body pic and neglected to read my profile (where it says I'm trans). 8 times out of 10, revealing the truth about my gender sent them scurrying.

So why do I keep going to these sites? Well, there's nothing wrong or dirty about wanting to fuck and/or be fucked. How you seek this out, as long as its consensual for all the parties involved, is and should be your choice. Amidst all the fucked up-ness around race and gender, I've had some amazing encounters with folks I've met on the sites, some I'm still in contact with. NSA sex is where I'm at, currently. I'm going to explore this without shame and with my fully eyes open. Sadly, the hook up scene isn't the only place where blackness is demonized or femininity feared. I have no real insights on how to not internalize this, but constant self-reflection helps. Frank conversations with friends who have a low-tolerance for bullshit helps, as well as not judging yourself harshly when you realize you carry around some of this baggage.

my first time

I had seen his ad on Craigslist something along the lines of bio guy looking for an ftm. I had just started exploring the world of anonymous play with non trans guys, but had yet to actually do a hookup. I had been surfing the net a lot – reading mystery fag and transfag blogs which are hot if you have not read them check them out. I also had read the safer sex for trans guys guide a ridiculous amount of times. Nerd that i am i had done my homework.

I had posted on Craigslist and gotten a lot of response, a few interesting, a few creepy, and a lot in between. I was on Manhunt and Adam4Adam but in a very tentative kind of way which for me looked like a clothed pic and blurry face pics and a profile that didn’t say much. I had chatted with some guys, but I had yet to set something up.

His ad said he’d been with trans guys before so I decided to message him. He responded right away and we exchanged pics. He was cute, late 20’s or so, black guy, skinny. We chatted for a while exchanging a lot of emails. So he said when you want to meet. I was pretty nervous about it all, but there really wasn’t anymore to say via email, I put it off for a bit, but then decided to just go for it and we set a date.

That night I put on a cute outfit, made sure I was bound up (i used to worry that because i have not had top surgery it would turns guys off but that has not been an issue so far), trying to look as 'guy' like as possible, I headed out. I was nervous but excited.

When I was a few blocks from his place I texted him, he said he would meet me outside. I got to his place. He looks different than I expected, extra skinny, very gay, not my kind of hot, but not unattractive, he just got off work so has on a button up and slacks. I say stupid nervous stuff as we head up to his apartment. He takes me to his room which is incredibly neat. We sit on his bed and chat about random stuff. Then he says you are way cuter than your pictures. I just smile.

He leans in and kisses me. We kiss for a while, he is a really good kisser. He's very confident which i like, he unbuttons my shirt and pulls of my top and binder and unbuttons my pants, I pull them off and help him with his. I’ve been pussy fucked before, but never with a live cock. I’m nervous.

As a result, I don’t remember a whole lot about the fucking except that it was good and not long but not short and that there were some hot moments. I also let him fuck me in the ass which was incredibly painful and a little messy which I felt embarrassed about but he didn’t care. The ass fucking wasn’t particularly enjoyable and I know that at the time I did it because I felt I needed to in order to fuck gay boys.

After we fucked, we chatted more about our lives, he kept saying how hot i was, how sexy I am, how he’s sure I can get any guy I want. It was a definite ego boost. As I’m getting up to go he asks if I want to see him again, he says be honest, I’m not sure but say yes.

Heading home, I stop at a coffee shop to use the bathroom and clean up. I don’t know yet to just ask to use the bathroom and rinse off before I leave a hookup. My ass is sore, I feel like I smell like sex, I clearly need a shower. To be honest while I would like to say I was totally happy and excited, I remember mostly feeling glad that I hadn’t been killed, robbed or made to do things I didn’t want – basically I remember feeling sticky, sore and relieved that I had finally done it.

I got home, showered, and made some food. Once I was feeling a little more together I remember smiling to myself – I felt good in my body – good that I had overcome my fear and nervousness, good that I had taken control of my sexuality in a way I had not before, good to be desired and considered hot and sexy, just good in all off my little transboy gayness.

New Adventures on Craigslist

Woke up early on a Sunday morning because I couldnt' sleep and I wanted to check my email. Yesterday, I'd posted a craigslist ad, mostly because adam4adam was dry and my roommate had recently posted an ad, so I thought, why not. Check out my ad:

Title:
What Are You Into?

Body:
Tongues, dicks, fingers, clits, cum, wet, bites, nipples, pussy, cocks, bind, ass, tight, strap.
What are you into? I can be the bottom to your top.
I can top if the idea of being fucked with a strap on turns you on.
I'm a transguy of color, female-to-male, born with female anatomy yet look and live as a dude. Hit me up if any of this appeals to you.

What do you think? Cheesy? Well, probably, but responses came in torrents. I was surprised. I hadn't placed an ad in a while, and the last two I posted resulted in exactly zero hook ups. I don't know what happened there. Maybe I wasn't particularly inspired by the ones I got. Or they weren't particularly inspired by my picture. Either way each of those two times was a complete and utter waste of energy and time. But this time was different. I got some interesting ones right away. I started messaging this one dude who purported to be the bearer of a delicious looking 12 inch (chocolate brown) cock. He sent me pictures and everything. His face was pretty tempting too. Nice round face, smooth bald head, hot smile. We texted for a bit. I was all set to pack up my safe sex supplies and go meet him till he told me where he lived. Damn, talk about far. I asked myself, would I travel that far for sex? That little devil that inhabits one shoulder (or both on reckless days) whispered, he has 12 inches, into my ear. That was all it took. I had my day planned out. I'd go meet Mr. 12 inche-r at 7 or 8p then we'd see where things would go from there. As I sat around the apartment, savoring my midday (creamy and sugary as hell) coffee, my favorite, bestest, most fuckable, fuck buddy of all time texted me. He was butt naked, in bed, hard as rock, and wishing I was lying naked next to him. I looked at the clock. It was 2:52pm. I could be showered and out the door in 20 to 30 mins. Play for a short bit with my best fb, and then swing over to new guy's place and I'd have quite a day to brag about. So 30 minutes later, I'm boarding the train. About 20 minutes after that I knock on his door. He opens it and this mofo is truly butt-ass naked! He pulls me in and starts to kiss and grind on me. I'm still wearing my jacket, bag, etc. He's long tongue is dragging on my neck, he's quickly unbuckling my belt, pushing his fingers into me. My hand is sliding to his hard dick and I'm palming the head, which is already slick. And...I never made it to new guy's place. Hours later, I wobble home with a big dopey grin on my face.

New guy wasn't too pleased with my last minute flakiness. I'm determined to meet up with him today (Sunday) though, so I've added him to my sunday to-do list...no pun intended. There are other possibilities too. Like the dude who said he's a cross dresser, but only dresses up for a select few and, of course, himself. And the other guy, who I shall refer to as "the Russian" because in his response he added "I want you to fuck me with your strap on. Ps. I'm Russian.". They both want to bottom and I'm inclined to make their wishes come true. I don't know why, but I'm more and more interested in topping again. The other guys who respond to my ad are either verses (some are wanna-be verses. Never bottomed before, but curious) or strict tops. I'm less interested in the strict tops, but we'll see. So my goal for this week is to get fucked by Mr. 12 incher on Sunday, fuck the self-identified cross dresser and/or the Russian during the week, and get into some verse-type situations with a couple others. Oh and there's also work! Anyways, check back reader as I'll be posting updates, reflections, and all the smutty details.

My Ode to Tops (Short)

I've been playing with this guy for a while now, about two months, which is a record for me. I just want to take a minute to acknowledge and give props to all you trans and nontrans tops who know what the f you're doing.

We met on one of the sites and I've written about him before (see Tall, Dark, n' lovely). The first night we hooked up I think we were surprised at how sexually compatible we were. At the time, I was starting to feel less like topping, and had had a number of anal/pussy-fucking experiences that increased my interests in bottoming. Since that fateful night we first hooked up, we can't seem to get enough of each other. Whenever I see him we fuck for hours and I leave his apartment feeling so sated in ways I never thought possible. One night he fucked me in the ass by his front door. The idea that his aunt could walk in any moment fueled the fucking, while terrifying us at the same time. After that, he took me into his bathroom where I held onto the shower curtain rod, wrapped my legs around his waist as he entered me again. That was one of the wildest sex nights I've had in a long time. I don't think there was any corner of that apartment we didn't fuck in. (Well, except for his aunt's room of course...that would be weird.) This guy takes topping to a whole new level. And his stamina...my god. I know from experience, it's hard work to be a good top - one who can switch it up on you again and again. I've topped before and enjoyed the hell out of it. I'm definitely committed to publishing pieces from this phase of my sexual life, because I think trans dudes who like to top nontrans dudes need more visibility. (I remember the first time I found a guy's g-spot. Homeboy came so hard, I was actually a little worried at first...) But every time this dude does shit to me, I stand up and take notice 'cuz this mf has skillz. So to all you hardworking pipe layers out there, regardless of whether your pipe of choice is your t-cock, fingers, clit, cock, pussy, strap-on, tongue, etc., thank you for your inclination, your creativity, and your stamina!

"Bring Your Strap"

"I'm FTM friendly," was the last sentence in his profile, which I read after he'd hit me up a couple times. He unlocked his private pics.
His eyes. I noticed them first. Liquid brown. Then I noticed his ass.
"Nice ass," I messaged back.
We went back and forth for a bit. His boyfriend was away for a couple of hours, so he could host, which worked perfectly for me.
"I'm pretty verse, but today I just wanna get fucked," he replied after I'd messaged that I had no interest in bottoming. He invited me over then. "Bring your strap," he added and so I did.

He was a short, bearish looking dude. Shaved head. Tanned skin. Broad shoulders and back. I could make out the contours of his belly through his hoodie. He was all gruff when he came out of his basement apartment to get me. He gave me a hand shake coupled with the shoulder grab. I followed him in. His one bedroom apartment was tiny. There was the bed, the dresser, a tv and a laptop. My eyes quickly took it all in and ended back on the bed. It looked soft.

"Let me give you the nickle cent tour," he said. The gruff demeanor had melted into something slightly jovial and mildly sensual. I felt tense like I usually do at first. This was a new one. My 2nd this week. He walked me down some stairs. The kitchen was smaller than the bedroom and the bathroom came next in the tour. I gave the obligatory "ooh" and "ah". As I turned around to head back to the bedroom, he grabbed my waist and pulled me roughly to him. My back to his front. His mouth to my neck. Teeth. Tongue. Licks. Just like that we began.

Back in his bedroom as he pulled of his hoodie he asked me to get comfortable. Curly brown hairs covered his chest. The sweat pants came off next. He sat back on the bed, looking at me as I slowly undressed. I felt shy, which was so uncharacteristic of me. Maybe it was the unexpected way he'd grabbed me earlier. Or the rough bites on my neck. I stripped and crawled onto the bed. We kissed for a while. Tongue on tongue, lips pulling on lips. I lay on top of him, his hands on my back, massaging, caressing, then they slid down to my ass. He grabbed hand fulls and I ground into his crotch. He grinned then ducking down, biting and sucking on my neck. Gently at first, then firmer.

We fondle each other for a while. I get up to put on my strap. Today I've brought Terrence, my 8 inch brown beauty. Nice large head. Veins that feel almost real running down the length of it. A good amount of thickness. I like to see my cock disappear into a dude's mouth and re-emerge wet. I climb back on and make my way over to him, kneeling by his head, my cock pushing on his lips. He parts them and I watch him suck me off loudly. The sounds fill the room. I like absolute silence when a dude is blowing me. I only want to hear the sounds of me going in and out of his mouth. This guy runs his tongue around the head, then takes most of me in. We get a good rhythm going and the sucking sounds are erotic as hell. A movement catches my eye and I notice his hand wrapped around his dick, jerking furiously. I place one hand on his forehead, gently caressing. He wraps his free hand around my ass and draws me closer, taking almost my entire cock in. From time to time, his eyes catch and hold mine.

Later, pinning his knees to his chest, I fuck him with deep, quick strokes. I'm bending over him, my face by his, tonguing and sucking on his ear. He holds onto me tightly, saying shit like "yeah boy, just like that." My lips cover his and our tongues do their thing. We moan into each other's mouth and it's all so fucking hot. He grunts and I can tell he's close. "Oh fuck," he gasps "right there." My entire cock is buried in him. One quick stroke and his face contorts and reddens. His whole body spasms underneath me. His skin gets warmer and then he comes, powerfully, in spurts I can feel hitting my stomach.

Feedback from a reader

"First of all, let me say that your blog is AWESOME. You two are some kick ass dudes, your openness is blowing my mind and making me feel so much better about feeling sexy as a transman. Thank you.

I wanted to ask a question, if that's okay, and the question is: are all the guys you two hook up with interested in pussy?
See, I would like to have the sort of hook ups you two have, but having vaginal sex is an absolute NOOOOOO for me. I just hate it. No guy that wants to put his penis in that hole is getting in my bed. So maybe you guys could tell me, from experience, how that would impact my ability to hook up as a transman? Is the fact that I have a pussy the main thing that men who hook up with FtM's are looking for? Is that what they want? Or are they likely to be just as okay and just as attracted to having anal/oral/strap-on sex without my pussy being involved? Feel free to be honest, harsh even, I love the way you two do not hide the ugly facts of life" - Ren Ren

TQ's response:

Thanks Ren Ren for your thoughtful feedback. My co-blogger rarely does anal, which actually makes it harder to hook up with nontrans gay guys some of whom seem like they are afraid of pussy. In fact, he's been turned down a number of times by guys for this reason.

I've played with guys (gay, queers, and others who identify as straight) who are into anal-play and strap-on fucking. I know our stories on the blog haven't necessarily reflected these experiences, so we'll be posting more on these experiences in the future. In fact, check back Wednesday (January 5th) night for the first of these.

my army guy - about an orgasm

I had hooked up with this guy before, for a while he was one of my regulars, gay, white, working class, used to be in the army, in his 40’s, big tall guy, I wanna say more than 6 feet, 200 something lbs, big and strong, a bears build but with incredibly smooth skin. He has a stunningly beautiful face, just striking, like when he was younger he was one of those shirtless boys on the cover of gay mags, however he looks and dresses like the guy next door mowing his lawn on weekends - Bermuda style shorts, short sleeve button up that stretches over his belly, flip flops.

He’s also a real sweetie. I love big burly ultra masculine guys who are sweethearts.

He sent me a text earlier in the week where he said he wanted to tell me something but didn’t know how to say it in a respectful way (I’m his first trans guy) to which I said just say it no worries. So he said in his entire lifetime he’s only had sex with two women before me or something to that effect… I can feel everyone cringing as you read this, however like I said he’s a total sweet heart and I know he respects my gender, I can tell he’s just struggling with words. So I just say well you know I’m a guy… he said yeah, of course, so I say each trans guy is different but for me you can say I’m only the third pussy you’ve ever fucked unless that’s too crude for you... Then he actually repeats it back to me via text – third pussy I’ve fucked. Totally made me smile. Very teachable.

Anyways onto the fucking cuz that's what this piece is really about.

So I get to his place and he starts kissing me as soon as i walk through the door. I can feel his hard on through his shorts, I'm very turned on. However, he wants to take a shower before we fuck so I decide to join him. His shower is real old school where there is just a shower head and drain in the floor of the bathroom – no stall or tub. This set up makes it extra hot, I’ve never been in a bathhouse but its what I imagine one would be like. We play around some, soaping each other up, I suck him off a bit, then this huge guy, kneels down before me on the old white tile floor and sucks me off, I place my hand on his head as he blows me – shower blow jobs – very hot. We dry off and head to his room.

He lies down on the bed and I climb on top of him, i say climb because that's how big he is. We kiss for a long time – he is an incredible kisser. He flips me over and sucks my nipples then tongues my clit for a while until its too much and I push him off. I put his cock in my mouth, he is already hard as I wrap my lips around his dick, he has a beautiful cock and I go at him for a bit, taking him down my throat, he groans.

He pulls me off and grabs a condom, I lube him up. He lies back and lifts me on top of him, I guide him into me, he's big and thick so i have to go slow at first, just the head until I can take more, he moans as my cunt finally fully encases his cock, I ride him for a while loving the look of pleasure on his face, then he turns me over, fucks me for a while in a couple different position until he lays me on my back puts my legs on his shoulders and as he's stroking says he's gonna cum, I tell him 'cum for me baby' and he starts pounding his full weight into me, until finally he shoots cumming inside me. so hot.

All the while we are fucking he keeps saying how amazing and sexy I am.

We rest for a bit, curled up together, he's a great cuddler. We chat some about our lives, then he starts talking politics, this is when i wish he would stop talking, he's a total conservative. I quickly change the subject - i'm here cuz you're a sweetie and amazing in bed - I don't want to get into your problematic political views.... thankfully, we talk about other random things then he kisses me and i can feel that he's hard again.

He begins fingering my nipples then put his lips around one, sucking until its erect, all the while he's playing with my clit, i moan wanting him badly, he says i just want to make you feel good. i tell him to get a condom and I pull him on top of me. He slowly pushes into me, then begins fucking me missionary style. He fucks me like this for a while and he's stroking me just right... in that way where his cock is filling me up and his body is rubbing my clit just hard enough. I’m glad no one else is home because between the banging of the bed and both of our moans we are being very loud.

He fucks me like this for a long time, our bodies pressed closely together and I can feel that i'm getting close to cumming, i wrap my arms around him, well as far as they'll go, and say into his ear 'don't stop'. he keeps going, stroking me harder and grinding his body against my clit and i'm losing it at this point, i'm raising my hips to meet each stroke, our fucking is frantic, i just keep saying 'don't stop' and he doesn't, as I start to cum his cock plunging deep inside me I hold him even tighter until my body literally explodes, i don't even know what i'm doing as i simultaneously clutch at him and push him away, one of the most incredible orgasms i've ever had.

He’s still fucking me and I can’t take it anymore, i tell him to stop, he stops immediately and looks at me concerned asks if I’m ok, if he hurt me, I shake my head and smile, ‘no man that was amazing’, funny thing about alot of gay boys they have no idea when your cumming. Anyways, he’s still hard, asks if i need to rest, and I do, but i want him to cum too so i shake my head turn around and he fucks me doggy style, its starting to be too much again and i'm about to tell him i can't anymore when he groans and collapses on top of me.

We lie like that for a while, then i move out from under him and put my head on his chest and we just rest.

Then i have to go. As i'm heading out the door I kiss him goodbye and he says please text me so i know you got home safe. I say you're such a sweetie. to which he says, "well we have to look out for each other because no one else will". bad politics and all I can't help but like this guy.